New relationship advice

[drellum]

Right guys....advice - again!

So i'm 4+ months out of my last relationship
Done quite a bit of dating developed a FWB etc.

Dated somebody a couple of weeks ago that held my attention a bit more - Good looking, good conversation, intimate....the full package.
We've dated only 3 or 4 times and she is showing promise and interest in taking it further. Deliberately kept sex at bay, but that is on the way.

I have a couple of other girls +FWB that are in the background.

At what point do you commit to somebody and bin the others?

A month, 2 months??

I really don't want to unnecessarily burn any bridges but also don't want to play a tricky game of cloak and dagger.

I haven't had to develop a relationship in this way for a long time. My ex was a colleague and a friend before we became an "item" so the whole getting to know you phase was bypassed.

Thoughts?

D

 

[bigneil]

A man never commits unless the woman asks - and she should ask more than once. This is especially true before sex. You seem to be asking when oneitis happens. And don't keep sex at bay - you should do it as fast as possible because she's thinking of all the reasons to dump you from the minute you meet.

I would say that around the 3 month mark you are officially dating (regardless of terms used) and around the 4 month mark she should start asking "What are we?" and he should answer "You tell me!" because it can still derail instantly if you show you are too serious.

Until SHE insists on a commitment (by which point she should have told you she loves you), just keep dating other women. If you want to leverege her to ask, then tell her about the other women you are dating. But after the 3 month mark, don't tell her about your other dates unless she asks.

 

[drellum]

Thanks bigneil....sounds like solid advice!

Is it best to be honest and up front and say "I'm going to carry on dating" or just keep it private?

 

[SgtSplacker]

I would not talk about it at all until she brings it up. It's in your best interests to keep your doors open.

 

[bigneil]

As a general rule that applies here and elsewhere, never volunteer information to women. Just answer questions.

I was in this non-committed situation with my last girl and one night she said "I heard you were with (so and so)". I said "I have a good story if you want to hear it." "Tell me" she said. Half way through she said "Ok, I don't want to hear anymore." From that point on, if I mentioned any women she would get extremely jealous and she said "Understand that bragging about other women is the least attractive thing to girls". And I wasn't bragging - she asked me to tell her. So tread lightly.

She should feel like she has to keep an eye on you. If you're in a bar and she's ordering drinks she might see you talking to someone and call your name and say "Come over here. Stand right there. Stand there!"

 

[cremasta7]

At what point do you commit to somebody and bin the others?

There's no stopwatch going here... you commit if and when it suits you.

 

[Subology]

I would not talk about it at all until she brings it up. It's in your best interests to keep your doors open.

Agreed. Don't bring it up. It's even more fun that way.