BWSL2
Senior Don Juan
What's the German word for virgin?
"Goodentight."
"Goodentight."
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
New Jokes Thread
- Thread starter SAV40
- Start date
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
misunderstood??
Master Don Juan
anything else
McKindley
Senior Don Juan
A guy shows up at the hospital because his wife is having a baby. He runs up to the doctor and says "where's my wife and baby? Are they OK?"
The doctor says, "your wife is in great shape and you are now the father of a healthy baby boy. They are in the next room, go on in and see them."
So the guy goes into the room but doesn't see anyone. He asks the doctor where his wife and baby are, and just then a doctor and a nurse pop out and say "April Fools! Your wife is dead and your baby's retarded."
The doctor says, "your wife is in great shape and you are now the father of a healthy baby boy. They are in the next room, go on in and see them."
So the guy goes into the room but doesn't see anyone. He asks the doctor where his wife and baby are, and just then a doctor and a nurse pop out and say "April Fools! Your wife is dead and your baby's retarded."
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Rawk Steady
Don Juan
- Joined
- Oct 20, 2003
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- 76
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That line was in a Stephen King book, think it was "It." Way to kill a thread dude.
Rawk Steady
Don Juan
- Joined
- Oct 20, 2003
- Messages
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No wait! I just remembered it was from a Batman comic, Arkham Asylum.....the Joker says it right before he blasts a guard. Am I right??????????
McKindley
Senior Don Juan
C'mon, we all know that tasteless jokes are the best ones. Get over it
Trapspringer
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- May 3, 2003
- Messages
- 242
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I thought the joke was pretty damn funny.
One morning, a man was driving his eight year-old daughter to school on the express way while a husband and wife argued in the car driving in front of them. Suddenly, the wife cuts off her husband’s penis with a knife and throws it out of the car window. The penis landed directly on the windshield of the man’s car. Not wanting to expose his little girl to such a graphic and obscene site, the man quickly turned on his windshield wipers and fluid and wiped the penis off of his windshield.
“Daddy, what was that!?” the surprised little girl asked.
“It was a bug, honey,” replied the man.
The little girl paused for a second and said, “Wow, it sure had a big D!ck!”
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
Giovanni Casanova
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2002
- Messages
- 5,550
- Reaction score
- 18
- Age
- 47
- Location
- Hiding in Penkitten's Linen Closet
This woman's cleaning her 15-year-old son's room. When she goes to take the sheets off his bed to wash them, she notices about a dozen or so S&M magazines under the mattress. Very concerned, she takes the stack of magazines out to her husband.
"Jerry, look what I found in Steven's room," she said, holding up the magazines. "What do you think we should do?"
Jerry looks up from his paper for a moment, stares briefly at the cover of one of the magazines, then says, "Well, for God's sake, whatever you do -- don't spank him."
"Jerry, look what I found in Steven's room," she said, holding up the magazines. "What do you think we should do?"
Jerry looks up from his paper for a moment, stares briefly at the cover of one of the magazines, then says, "Well, for God's sake, whatever you do -- don't spank him."
McKindley
Senior Don Juan
What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown suit
A dead baby in a clown suit
On_the_Top
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 30, 2003
- Messages
- 396
- Reaction score
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Title: Top Ten Reasons Why Trick-Or-Treating Is Better Than Sex
10) You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9) If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8) The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7) You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some.
6) It's O.K. when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone
else, because you are.
5) Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.
4) If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.
3) It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2) Less guilt the morning after.
1) YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD.
10) You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9) If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8) The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7) You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some.
6) It's O.K. when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone
else, because you are.
5) Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.
4) If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.
3) It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2) Less guilt the morning after.
1) YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD.
The Italian in Malta
One day I gonna to Malta to a big hotel, in the morning I go down to eat a breakfast. I tell the waitress that I want two pieces of toast .she brings me only one piece. I tell her "I wanna two pieces". She say "Go to the toilet". I say "you don't understand, I wanna two pieces on
my plate". She say to me: "you better not piss on the plate, you
sonnawabitch". I do not even know this lady and she call me a sonnawabitch!!
Later I go to eat at a bigger restaurant. The waiter brings
me a Spoon and a knief but no fork. I tell her "I wanna a fock." and she tella me ,"everyone wanna fuck." I tella her, " you don't understand me...I wanna fork on the table." She say, "You better not fuck on the table you sonnawabitch."
So I go back to my room in my hotel and there is no sheets on the bed. I call the manager and tell him "I wanna a sheet." he tell me to go the toilet. I say "you don't understand I wanna a sheet on my bed." He say, "You better not shit on the bed, you sonnawabitch."
I go to the Check out and the man at the desk said,"Peace on you." and I say," Piss on you too, you sonnawabicth." I gonna back to Italy!
One day I gonna to Malta to a big hotel, in the morning I go down to eat a breakfast. I tell the waitress that I want two pieces of toast .she brings me only one piece. I tell her "I wanna two pieces". She say "Go to the toilet". I say "you don't understand, I wanna two pieces on
my plate". She say to me: "you better not piss on the plate, you
sonnawabitch". I do not even know this lady and she call me a sonnawabitch!!
Later I go to eat at a bigger restaurant. The waiter brings
me a Spoon and a knief but no fork. I tell her "I wanna a fock." and she tella me ,"everyone wanna fuck." I tella her, " you don't understand me...I wanna fork on the table." She say, "You better not fuck on the table you sonnawabitch."
So I go back to my room in my hotel and there is no sheets on the bed. I call the manager and tell him "I wanna a sheet." he tell me to go the toilet. I say "you don't understand I wanna a sheet on my bed." He say, "You better not shit on the bed, you sonnawabitch."
I go to the Check out and the man at the desk said,"Peace on you." and I say," Piss on you too, you sonnawabicth." I gonna back to Italy!
A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing.
"Damn, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to die."
As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms. While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?"
"No!" she shrieked, aghast.
So, he dropped her. As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her.
"Do you screw?" he asked.
"Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself. He dropped her, too.
The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor.
"I suck! I screw!" she screamed in panic.
"Slut!" he said, and dropped her.
"Damn, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to die."
As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms. While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?"
"No!" she shrieked, aghast.
So, he dropped her. As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her.
"Do you screw?" he asked.
"Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself. He dropped her, too.
The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor.
"I suck! I screw!" she screamed in panic.
"Slut!" he said, and dropped her.
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
Silquee Smoove
Master Don Juan
Q: What's red and green and eats nuts?
A: Gonorrhea
-----------------
(To any female you may want to f*ck wit')
How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Scrambled or fertilized?
A: Gonorrhea
-----------------
(To any female you may want to f*ck wit')
How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Scrambled or fertilized?
McKindley
Senior Don Juan
How do you get a clown out of a swing?
hit him in the face with an axe
hit him in the face with an axe
Salacious D
Don Juan
I was on a hill in Ireland once. I was talking to a guy named Bob. Bob pointed at a church that was far away, and he said to me "it took me ten years to build that, and with my own bare hands. They never called me Bob the Church Builder." Then he turned to a bay, which was filled with ships. "It took me twenty years to build all those ships with my bare hands, and they never called me Bob the Ship Builder." Then he turned to a nearby village. "It took me thirty years to build that village with my bare hands, but they never called me Bob the Village Builder."
Then he turned to me, and said "but you **** a sheep, just once..."
Then he turned to me, and said "but you **** a sheep, just once..."
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.