Hi all. I just thought I'd introduce myself. I'm 35 in a couple days, living in Vancouver, BC, and single. I have few problems with self esteem or confidence and haven't ever had much trouble meeting girls, and when I have, I feel like I've known more or less what the problem has been. I take care of myself, work out, take pride in my appearance, and have a career I enjoy. I'm not rich, but I do well for myself. I tend to have longer term relationships of around a year, but almost always end them when I realize I want someone I'm more passionate about, who can challenge me a bit more.
About five years back I worked in a popular bar as a doorman for 3 years, while I was going to school. As you can imagine, I completely killed it there. I was just an average sized guy but I was a lot more articulate than the other bouncers, and of course the fact that I could just sit there sober for hours in a bar and talk to whoever I wanted to when I was bored, without any need to justify my presence in any way. It didn't hurt that this bar was a favorite hangout for young (early 20's) ESL students from South America and Europe, and that I speak 5 languages.
Once I quit at the bar, I was making more money, loving my new career, and most aspects of my life were great, but I found that I was having a real hard time meeting women, since I had spent much of my early 20's in relationships, and then my mid 20's working at the bar, and I had essentially never learned to approach women. So when I got out of a long-ish relationship of a year or so, I decided to try online dating. At first it was fun but I found that more often than not I was having too hard of a time getting the attention of the hottest girls (I only really went for the top 5% online), and once I got them, I generally wasn't that attracted to them in person. I tried Tinder for a bit and ended up in a 2 year relationship with my second date.
I ended it with her a couple months ago and hopped back into online dating, only to find the same problems as before but much worse. I'm going to put another post up about my thoughts on online dating, so I won't bother with much more here, other than to say that I wasn't attracted to anyone I met.
So for the first time I just started talking to girls in bars, etc, and I've had pretty much 100% success. I picked up a girl much younger than me (I say that not necessarily as an accomplishment, though), and slept with her on the first date. I picked up a stripper who was a friend of a friend who does cover at the nicest strip club in town. We made out and felt each other up on the first date, but I didn't really pursue a second date, because of a girl that I met soon after who I got severe oneitis from, which I'll talk about later. I feel like a bit of a fool for wasting so many years being even a little shy around women at bars. I just wanted to put a few things that have crossed my mind with my experiences and reading this forum. I'm not trying to come of as some expert, especially in light of a very recent bad experience, but just wanted to add my $0.02:
-First of all, all the rules and tricks that you read online, can be bent or broken once in a while if you're confident and you do it well. If you know you're not needy, then text back whenever you feel like it. If you're interested in something more long term with a girl who you think is relatively mature and level headed, and you're not going to be crushed if she rejects you, tell her you're interested in something more. Just be prepared to continue to laugh it off if she decides to ****-test you.
-I like European girls (I really like Swedish girls, since I used to live there) as well as South American girls and Asian girls who are fully Canadianized (or Americanized) more than regular north american white girls. I find that you're able to be a *little* bit more direct with them, and play fewer games. That's just my experience. In the last few years, I dated a few Chinese and a Korean girl, all of whom were pretty fully "whitewashed", and I always found that they responded a bit better to things like being charming and funny and attractive (I know, weird, right?) and less well to things like negging, ghosting, and just generally being ignored, than standard Vancouver girls.
-I agree that building your life first and foremost, being happy with yourself and what you're doing regardless of if you're swimming in ***** or haven't been laid in months, is definitely the most important thing. Once you do this it'll be difficult to be needy most of the time, and people will be much more attracted to you. Plus, of course, you'll be less bothered if you don't succeed with a woman, so it's win-win. So I definitely agree with the people saying essentially "develop yourself first". But there are a few people in here just basically saying "Just be a super alpha male successful entrepreneur who is ready to move mountains and is constantly bending the universe to his will and doesn't give a fvck about whether women like him or not and can just sleep with women and forget them, and women will fall in love with you." I'm exaggerating a little here, but this obviously isn't very helpful advice. If we could all just do this, we likely wouldn't need this or any other forum in the world. So while it would be nice, it's obviously not going to just happen for most people.
Anyway, just my thoughts. Some people are gonna think I'm too much of an idealist, but that's just how I see it.
About five years back I worked in a popular bar as a doorman for 3 years, while I was going to school. As you can imagine, I completely killed it there. I was just an average sized guy but I was a lot more articulate than the other bouncers, and of course the fact that I could just sit there sober for hours in a bar and talk to whoever I wanted to when I was bored, without any need to justify my presence in any way. It didn't hurt that this bar was a favorite hangout for young (early 20's) ESL students from South America and Europe, and that I speak 5 languages.
Once I quit at the bar, I was making more money, loving my new career, and most aspects of my life were great, but I found that I was having a real hard time meeting women, since I had spent much of my early 20's in relationships, and then my mid 20's working at the bar, and I had essentially never learned to approach women. So when I got out of a long-ish relationship of a year or so, I decided to try online dating. At first it was fun but I found that more often than not I was having too hard of a time getting the attention of the hottest girls (I only really went for the top 5% online), and once I got them, I generally wasn't that attracted to them in person. I tried Tinder for a bit and ended up in a 2 year relationship with my second date.
I ended it with her a couple months ago and hopped back into online dating, only to find the same problems as before but much worse. I'm going to put another post up about my thoughts on online dating, so I won't bother with much more here, other than to say that I wasn't attracted to anyone I met.
So for the first time I just started talking to girls in bars, etc, and I've had pretty much 100% success. I picked up a girl much younger than me (I say that not necessarily as an accomplishment, though), and slept with her on the first date. I picked up a stripper who was a friend of a friend who does cover at the nicest strip club in town. We made out and felt each other up on the first date, but I didn't really pursue a second date, because of a girl that I met soon after who I got severe oneitis from, which I'll talk about later. I feel like a bit of a fool for wasting so many years being even a little shy around women at bars. I just wanted to put a few things that have crossed my mind with my experiences and reading this forum. I'm not trying to come of as some expert, especially in light of a very recent bad experience, but just wanted to add my $0.02:
-First of all, all the rules and tricks that you read online, can be bent or broken once in a while if you're confident and you do it well. If you know you're not needy, then text back whenever you feel like it. If you're interested in something more long term with a girl who you think is relatively mature and level headed, and you're not going to be crushed if she rejects you, tell her you're interested in something more. Just be prepared to continue to laugh it off if she decides to ****-test you.
-I like European girls (I really like Swedish girls, since I used to live there) as well as South American girls and Asian girls who are fully Canadianized (or Americanized) more than regular north american white girls. I find that you're able to be a *little* bit more direct with them, and play fewer games. That's just my experience. In the last few years, I dated a few Chinese and a Korean girl, all of whom were pretty fully "whitewashed", and I always found that they responded a bit better to things like being charming and funny and attractive (I know, weird, right?) and less well to things like negging, ghosting, and just generally being ignored, than standard Vancouver girls.
-I agree that building your life first and foremost, being happy with yourself and what you're doing regardless of if you're swimming in ***** or haven't been laid in months, is definitely the most important thing. Once you do this it'll be difficult to be needy most of the time, and people will be much more attracted to you. Plus, of course, you'll be less bothered if you don't succeed with a woman, so it's win-win. So I definitely agree with the people saying essentially "develop yourself first". But there are a few people in here just basically saying "Just be a super alpha male successful entrepreneur who is ready to move mountains and is constantly bending the universe to his will and doesn't give a fvck about whether women like him or not and can just sleep with women and forget them, and women will fall in love with you." I'm exaggerating a little here, but this obviously isn't very helpful advice. If we could all just do this, we likely wouldn't need this or any other forum in the world. So while it would be nice, it's obviously not going to just happen for most people.
Anyway, just my thoughts. Some people are gonna think I'm too much of an idealist, but that's just how I see it.
