Just wanted to drop a note and thank the website and contributing members here. I have learned so much in the articles and especially in the forums. Just reading through similar experiences make me feel so much better. I stumbled upon this site a few weeks ago while searching “broken heart”. Yeah, it’s as pathetic as it sounds. About a month ago, I split up with my gf of 5 months and have had a rough time with it. We are both in our mid 30's and it was great for a couple months and I was the DJ that I have always been. Soon I realized it just wasn’t gonna work , so I ended it to cut my losses and move on. I was good. A couple days later I had a death in the family and just fell apart. We have mutual friends so she found out and was there for me and was great through the whole thing. We ended up getting back together and being closer than ever. It was all nice. Until the same problems resurfaced and I had to break up again. Then as luck would have it, a few weeks later another member of my family gets very ill and almost dies. Once again she is there for me, because after the funeral, she is like a member of the family. By this time, I am just a mess and once again she is great through the whole thing. But by now, she is over me and just being nice, but I have gotten so attached to her. Much more so than any girl in many years. I ‘m all AFC by this time. Anyways, the next 2 months are bad, because she is over it but doesn’t want to end it. So she makes my life hell until I blow up repeatedly at her mixed signals and end up making a complete arse out of myself. Now it is all my fault, which I’m guessing was her goal. So it’s all over now, and I know it’s for the best for both of us. But I can’t stop thinking about her. I’ve been with a few girls since we split, but that hasn’t seemed to help much. Drinking didn’t either, but I still have hope for that. She was the first girl I’ve cared about since I became a DJ back in 1992, so I guess that has something to do with it. I’m trying to focus on improving myself and my business, but it still seems like something is missing. I’m certain that I have officially lost my DJ status! Any advice for this miserable mess of a man?
Why "Whatever You Want" Keeps You Single
She says the movie looks dumb; you suddenly agree. She tests you with a little attitude; you apologize for nothing.
You think you're being easy to get along with. She reads something else entirely: a man with no edges. Nothing to hold on to. No friction, no tension, no reason to wonder what he really thinks.
The "22 Rules" taught me to push back — playfully, calmly, without needing her approval. Strange things happened after that.
New guy needs a little help....long read
- Thread starter steve38
- Start date
"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
KontrollerX
Master Don Juan
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- Oct 11, 2005
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I helped a poster on another forum before in a similar situation.
Think I asked him if it really was the girl that he was attached to because she was the girl for him or if his feelings really stemmed from the fact that he may of come to think of the girl as an emotional replacement for his dead relative. A symbol of something to hold onto so the grief wouldn't overwhelm him.
Telling this guy that woke him up and in his case he was greatful I brought this to his attention.
It freed the hold of oneitis on him that this girl had and he could finally move on.
It wasn't even really oneitis it was just misplaced emotion.
Think I asked him if it really was the girl that he was attached to because she was the girl for him or if his feelings really stemmed from the fact that he may of come to think of the girl as an emotional replacement for his dead relative. A symbol of something to hold onto so the grief wouldn't overwhelm him.
Telling this guy that woke him up and in his case he was greatful I brought this to his attention.
It freed the hold of oneitis on him that this girl had and he could finally move on.
It wasn't even really oneitis it was just misplaced emotion.
backbreaker
Master Don Juan
nothing pathetic about a broken heart. what's pathetic is you give your heart to be broken to someone who has proven unworthyYeah, it’s as pathetic as it sounds
AFC is like Herpes... even when you don't see it.. it doesn't mean it's not thereI ‘m all AFC by this time
However.. what has she done wrong? Don't mistake being an AFC for finding the right woman and actually giving a damn about her
Thanks so much for the responses. Yeah, the funeral had A LOT to do with it. The other part was that was the first time she met my parents and they absolutely LOVED her. IN fact everyone of my relatives couldn't stop talking about her. The fact that steve38 finally had a serious woman in his life was a big distraction from his sister's funeral. At least I can thank her for that. I don't bring my 'plates' home often. She drove me home from the airport (80 miles) and to see my Mom go from being so sad to instantly happy seeing I had someone that loved me. It was obvious. Yeah I loved her, and I had reason to break up with her each time. She was a drunk who stayed out until closing time. I couldn't trust her and that is the bottom line.
backbreaker
Master Don Juan
how long have you dated? I think I already see what hte probelm is and if it is what i Think it is.. you need to run and cut her off quickly
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
backbreaker...thanks for the feedback....no, thats the problem...I HAVE cut her off...haven't seen or talked to her in a while (a month)..she is bad for me...i know this and I have avoided her...I'm just trying to get over it all and still reclaim what is left of my manhood, which isn't much. It's sad, but I know that she is just part of the problem. I WILL get back to my DJ ways. It's not about her, its all about me. Thanks everyone on the forum here, you all inspire me..peace.
backbreaker
Master Don Juan
damn I wish they were all that easy