Just wanted to drop a note and thank the website and contributing members here. I have learned so much in the articles and especially in the forums. Just reading through similar experiences make me feel so much better. I stumbled upon this site a few weeks ago while searching “broken heart”. Yeah, it’s as pathetic as it sounds. About a month ago, I split up with my gf of 5 months and have had a rough time with it. We are both in our mid 30's and it was great for a couple months and I was the DJ that I have always been. Soon I realized it just wasn’t gonna work , so I ended it to cut my losses and move on. I was good. A couple days later I had a death in the family and just fell apart. We have mutual friends so she found out and was there for me and was great through the whole thing. We ended up getting back together and being closer than ever. It was all nice. Until the same problems resurfaced and I had to break up again. Then as luck would have it, a few weeks later another member of my family gets very ill and almost dies. Once again she is there for me, because after the funeral, she is like a member of the family. By this time, I am just a mess and once again she is great through the whole thing. But by now, she is over me and just being nice, but I have gotten so attached to her. Much more so than any girl in many years. I ‘m all AFC by this time. Anyways, the next 2 months are bad, because she is over it but doesn’t want to end it. So she makes my life hell until I blow up repeatedly at her mixed signals and end up making a complete arse out of myself. Now it is all my fault, which I’m guessing was her goal. So it’s all over now, and I know it’s for the best for both of us. But I can’t stop thinking about her. I’ve been with a few girls since we split, but that hasn’t seemed to help much. Drinking didn’t either, but I still have hope for that. She was the first girl I’ve cared about since I became a DJ back in 1992, so I guess that has something to do with it. I’m trying to focus on improving myself and my business, but it still seems like something is missing. I’m certain that I have officially lost my DJ status! Any advice for this miserable mess of a man?
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
New guy needs a little help....long read
- Thread starter steve38
- Start date
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
KontrollerX
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2005
- Messages
- 4,476
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I helped a poster on another forum before in a similar situation.
Think I asked him if it really was the girl that he was attached to because she was the girl for him or if his feelings really stemmed from the fact that he may of come to think of the girl as an emotional replacement for his dead relative. A symbol of something to hold onto so the grief wouldn't overwhelm him.
Telling this guy that woke him up and in his case he was greatful I brought this to his attention.
It freed the hold of oneitis on him that this girl had and he could finally move on.
It wasn't even really oneitis it was just misplaced emotion.
Think I asked him if it really was the girl that he was attached to because she was the girl for him or if his feelings really stemmed from the fact that he may of come to think of the girl as an emotional replacement for his dead relative. A symbol of something to hold onto so the grief wouldn't overwhelm him.
Telling this guy that woke him up and in his case he was greatful I brought this to his attention.
It freed the hold of oneitis on him that this girl had and he could finally move on.
It wasn't even really oneitis it was just misplaced emotion.
backbreaker
Master Don Juan
nothing pathetic about a broken heart. what's pathetic is you give your heart to be broken to someone who has proven unworthyYeah, it’s as pathetic as it sounds
AFC is like Herpes... even when you don't see it.. it doesn't mean it's not thereI ‘m all AFC by this time
However.. what has she done wrong? Don't mistake being an AFC for finding the right woman and actually giving a damn about her
Thanks so much for the responses. Yeah, the funeral had A LOT to do with it. The other part was that was the first time she met my parents and they absolutely LOVED her. IN fact everyone of my relatives couldn't stop talking about her. The fact that steve38 finally had a serious woman in his life was a big distraction from his sister's funeral. At least I can thank her for that. I don't bring my 'plates' home often. She drove me home from the airport (80 miles) and to see my Mom go from being so sad to instantly happy seeing I had someone that loved me. It was obvious. Yeah I loved her, and I had reason to break up with her each time. She was a drunk who stayed out until closing time. I couldn't trust her and that is the bottom line.
backbreaker
Master Don Juan
how long have you dated? I think I already see what hte probelm is and if it is what i Think it is.. you need to run and cut her off quickly
“The 22 Psychological Triggers That Make Women Chase You… Starting Tonight”
Forget the cash, the cars, and the chiseled jawlines. Female desire operates on a completely different frequency. Primal. Subconscious. Triggers that bypass her logic and hit her on a gut level. Most guys are totally blind to them.
I know because I was one of them. The overthinking. The paralysis. The silent drive home kicking yourself for freezing up. Watching average guys walk away with the girl while you stood there stuck in your own head.
Then I decoded the psychology behind what actually makes women tick. 22 hard rules. Subtle behavioral shifts that rewired my entire reality. The anxiety evaporated. Women started leaning in. Investing. Chasing.
backbreaker...thanks for the feedback....no, thats the problem...I HAVE cut her off...haven't seen or talked to her in a while (a month)..she is bad for me...i know this and I have avoided her...I'm just trying to get over it all and still reclaim what is left of my manhood, which isn't much. It's sad, but I know that she is just part of the problem. I WILL get back to my DJ ways. It's not about her, its all about me. Thanks everyone on the forum here, you all inspire me..peace.
backbreaker
Master Don Juan
damn I wish they were all that easy