New guy - decent experience, new start

[notfromhere]

Hi all,
I never actually considered romantical advice from the forums, but with age you learn that you never stop learning

I've just exited an 8yr relationship which was either going to end up in a marriage or a break-up. I chose the later for strong reasons.

For the past 10 years or more I've used doc love's system and it has really worked great. But as some of you have noticed it lacks the actual pickup techniques and I had to rely on art classes, Internet dating and similar passive action to get the girls.
To summarize the 'skills', I'm able to keep any girl I want to if I get past 3 dates. However I'm pretty afraid of asking girls out if I'm not 100% sure I will succeed, so I'm almost always passive. Trait of 'the system' probably.

About me: 30yr, decent looking (6-7.5), no belly, all teeth in mouth currently earning quite a lot of money, never married, small apartment, car, bike and all the usual consumer stuff. Oh, and I am abroad in a city in which I can barely make myself understood in native language, though English usage is pretty wide.

What I want:

A way to forget about the recent breakup and have fun in the process. Finding a beautiful girl with her own income and shared adrenaline. Someone that will force me to become better in every sense possible.
No gold diggers, I can get those for free. No *****s, though for short term might be acceptable and practice for picking up. No crazy or overly superstitious ones.

The questions:

I don't know where to start, should I go slow and hope to find a LTR?

Should I go fast, date everything that moves and choose from that?
I don't have a lot of male friends that I can go out with, or maybe I don't know how to have fun and be productive. Female friends to go out with are out of the question, as I've said I barely understand the native language and have not tried stuff while I had a stable girlfriend.

Should I hit the gym to bulk up or spend the nights drinking out?

Should I not care and just worry about life and something good will happen?

The real question is what would you do given my condition.
Yes, I'm reading the DJB and know I should not ask for improvement advice, but surely there must be some best practices that have worked for you given similar situations.

 

[Lexington]

To summarize the 'skills', I'm able to keep any girl I want to if I get past 3 dates. However I'm pretty afraid of asking girls out if I'm not 100% sure I will succeed, so I'm almost always passive. Trait of 'the system' probably.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. You can get tail using passive methods. But unless you put yourself out there and take action, you're going to miss out on a lot of action. You will get shot down sometimes, but that's just part of the game.

Men are expected to be the pursuers. Most very attractive girls won't bother taking the initiative. Why should they when they've got plenty of suitors?

A way to forget about the recent breakup and have fun in the process.

It's cliche in these circles but GFTOW: go fvck (find) ten other women. That'll get her out of your system very quickly.

Someone that will force me to become better in every sense possible.

My advice: don't expect anyone to push you. The only person you can hold accountable for your own success is you. You have to push yourself. A woman can help in the process, but the only person that can force you to become better in every sense possible is you.

I don't know where to start, should I go slow and hope to find a LTR?

You just have to go out there and see what you like. When it comes to relationships you find that the reality can be very different from what you imagined it to be.

So don't go looking for some sort of profile....you'll probably find yourself quite disappointed when you find that those girls aren't all you thought they'd be.

On the flip side, you'll be quite surprised at what you find you like. Some girls who you thought would be horrible for you might actually be great. Basically, have an open mind.

Should I go fast, date everything that moves and choose from that?

It depends. Sometimes a guy just wants to get his d*ck wet. There's nothing wrong in having some adventures with a bunch of different girls. And who knows, maybe you'll find that you'll like something that you didn't think you would.

Should I hit the gym to bulk up or spend the nights drinking out?

Don't go to the gym just to get chicks. It's highly unlikely that you'll stick with it. Go to the gym for you. It's good for your health and it's an extremely rewarding pastime. You'll also find that it will improve your willpower, your level of energy and your drive.

Like Arnold once said, getting a good pump going feels almost as good as cvmming!

I enjoy going out and drinking when I can. Just make sure it doesn't interfere with more important things like your career. Also remember that bars and clubs aren't the only places to pick up chicks. Day game probably has a higher success rate.

Should I not care and just worry about life and something good will happen?

Have goals and intentions. Work towards them. But don't be outcome-dependent. Sometimes we are so focused on the destination that we forget to enjoy the journey. And once we reach the destination, we find that it doesn't necessarily make us feel any different.

Maybe you'll achieve all that you set out to achieve. Maybe you won't (most people don't). But that doesn't mean you can't have fun along the way and still accomplish a lot.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

NOTFROMHERE, put an age on your profile and read the Mature Men's Forum Rules.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=127221

 

[Bible_Belt]

I am abroad

What country?

 

[pdx1138]

"Should I not care and just worry about life and something good will happen?"

This has worked for me.

Maintaining a positive mental attitude and good things happen.

You might also try okcupid or match for some online options.

 

[notfromhere]

First I want to thank you all for your replies.
Bible_Belt: Germany, already 1.5yrs here, not sure how long I will stay though, depends on the business.
Lexington: I do appreciate your advice but I find it a bit dry and generic. No offense intended! However this is all what improvement programs (bible, doc) write about and it does resonate but it does not help some much, now. It is only really clear once you are already doing the good stuff!
Hitting the gym makes sense in what you said, I quit going some years ago because I found out I wasn't making significant mass and I could get the same girls without it. And no, it has not improved my confidence nor sex drive. Could be just me, but I followed the exercise programs, diet and even took supplements. I did lift more and more weight, but it was not showing, just some definition.

Perhaps I was a bit generic in my question as well and I know how you all hate new guys that come in here for quick 'fixes'. There are none. I am just listening to what you guys did when you were in a similar situation. Real stories like:
- I restarted my guitar hobby and gave concerts and this gave me all the confidence I needed
- I went out to Hooter's with six friends and then went out with six of the girls working there to play mini golf
- I picked up sky diving
I don't know, I'm sure there are many examples and will read each one carefully, while I think about something myself. I'm looking to improve my confidence, the ego is already inflated enough

 

[Iceberg]

Hitting the gym makes sense in what you said, I quit going some years ago because I found out I wasn't making significant mass and I could get the same girls without it. And no, it has not improved my confidence nor sex drive. Could be just me, but I followed the exercise programs, diet and even took supplements. I did lift more and more weight, but it was not showing, just some definition.

As far as the gym goes, if you're doing it for girls, then you're not going to stick with it anyway. If you're making the trip to the gym 1-2 hours per day, 3-4 days per week, then you're doing it because you enjoy it. Can't make that type of commitment for hypothetical women.

Staying in shape is important. How you choose to do it (running/cycling/lifting) depends on what you enjoy.

Perhaps I was a bit generic in my question as well and I know how you all hate new guys that come in here for quick 'fixes'. There are none. I am just listening to what you guys did when you were in a similar situation.

Expanding your circle of friends and keeping your social calendar filled will help. It's important to realize that your only source of emotional bonds shouldn't come from a girlfriend.

 

[notfromhere]

Yes, sorry, I actually do a little sport every day, whether it's climbing stairs, doing pushups/pullups at home or mountain hiking.

That circle of friends is actually my problem. My ex loved me so much that my best friends became also her best friends and she followed me in every activity I did (even motorsports). So on this part I am also a bit confused, I know I have to go home soon and meet with them and she will probably be there most of the time. I don't want to avoid them for this reason so I will just appear and have fun, but it won't be really fun. They are really close friends and one of the important reasons I visit home so often. I'll probably have to fill my agenda somehow.

Oh, about the pushing and improvement bit: I've gotten really lazy lately, waking up late, returning late from work and then wasting time until sunrise.

 

[Desdinova]

Ever since I can remember, I hated Doc Love's advice.

What I want:

A way to forget about the recent breakup and have fun in the process. Finding a beautiful girl with her own income and shared adrenaline. Someone that will force me to become better in every sense possible.
No gold diggers, I can get those for free. No *****s, though for short term might be acceptable and practice for picking up. No crazy or overly superstitious ones.

At least you know what you want in a long term partner. That's a good thing. But finding that person is where the adventure actually begins...

The questions:

I don't know where to start, should I go slow and hope to find a LTR?

Should I go fast, date everything that moves and choose from that?

You cannot just jump into a LTR. What I would advise is that you start out by dating anything that moves, just to learn how to attract a woman. You need to learn how to push her buttons, make her laugh, break the sexual barrier, turn her on, and fvck her like nobody else will.

Why should you do this? Because when you actually DO find the woman who meets the criteria that you want, you'll be able to steal her away from the guy she's with and make her yours.

Why would you want to steal her away?

Most attractive women are going to have a man in their life. Attractive women will swing from one man to another instead of being lonely for a lengthy period of time. You need to be the guy she WANTS to swing to. You also need to be interesting and exciting enough for her to NOT swing to another man.

 

[zekko]

Most attractive women are going to have a man in their life. Attractive women will swing from one man to another instead of being lonely for a lengthy period of time. You need to be the guy she WANTS to swing to. You also need to be interesting and exciting enough for her to NOT swing to another man.

I hate to say it, but I agree with this. I recently posted in another thread that where I live, the attractive ones get snapped up early. I know you like them 20-25 Des, but at my age, the only way to get an attractive woman is if they are between marriages, or if you can convince them to branch swing. The only single women that are left are either built like gorillas, or are morbidly obese, or both.

Unless you're like Backbreaker and live in LA, where there is supposedly such an abundance of hotties that they can't all find boyfriends.