Never had a girlfriend at 29 years old

[Jordi84]

Hi everyone, it's quite awkward to come here and tell you about this, but basically I'm 29 and I never had any girl in my life. No kisses, no sex, nothing.

Given that this is obviously a problem (not only for myself, but even for my relationship with the people around me), I've been spending the last 10 years trying to figure what the cause could be.

Looking around me and on the net I found a lot of people in my situation, but theirs is somehow slightly different from mine: many times they are people with social relationship problems, childhood problem or more simply just shy and introverted people; their problem with girls looks more like a reflection of other wider problems.

In my case I have problems and **** like other people but nothing that looks directly connected with my BIG problem. I am extroverted, I got different kind of friends, a good job and I try to attend as many as possible social occasions where I can meet new people... But I never managed to get a girlfriend.

I feel like I'm failing in something that is really easy for everyone just because I'm missing a very little but essential detail, which I don't know or I don't realise.

A couple of months ago I started to read readings like the Book of the Pook and I find it very useful, my self esteem improved but yet I cannot see any progression, and this is very frustrating.

Can you help me figuring how I can win this battle?!

 

[adam225]

First off, you need to really study the bible as well as some of the other resources on this site (Bradds guide to the DJ way of life is good as well).

Let me ask you - are you in good health and in good physical shape ? How about your overall confidence ? When you speak to girls how do you *honestly* feel ?

Your task is purely to improve yourself and become as happy as you can be in your own skin. You need to dig deep and iron out any insecurities you have. I would start by grabbing a pen and paper and start noting down the negatives and positives about yourself. Watch your emotions *carefully* throughout the day and how you react to certain situations (this is where your problem most likely lies). It's very important to develop self awareness and to question (logically) how you react in certain situations.

Don't feel bad about not having a girl in your life. This life is about YOU. Improve to become happy in who you are so you can enjoy it... anything else after that like girls, cash, a nice car, ect.. (external items) is a bonus (nothing else). It's all about YOU, trust me .

 

[TheGambino]

The main thing is loving yourself, respecting yourself and be happy about yourself. Try to improve, go to the gym(helps you physically and mentally its perfect for your self esteem, helped me for sure, yes even to get a girlfriend), buy nice clothes, be social and talk to a LOT of girls, basically about everything not even in a sexual way yet. And I suggest for you to study the DJ bible from beginning to the end.
You will get a girlfriend I promise but you have to improve yourself buddy. First love yourself before others will, because people notice how you see yourself, that’s the key of being confident. Improve yourself until you can stand before the mirror and be 100% happy.

 

[Stort_Brød]

practice young grasshopper... how are you around the ladies? do you flirt with girls? use kino? or do you freeze up and become a babling idiot like most guys?

 

[GetFit66]

It's ok, the easiest thing you can do is Rob a local continence store w/ a gun, get locked up and become somebody's b1tch in prison. They will get you eh, ain't got nothing to worry about anymore.

Another problem resolved by the great GetFit66.


Just kidding, I suggest teasing a little, flirting a little, incorporating a little bit of dirty in both.

Make fun of her dress, wow that sure pops things out.
Her: excuse me???
You: oh I meant your shoes stand out so well with that dress, they look really nice on you
Her: oh thanks I thought you were being a perv
You: pen1s

 

[PlayHer Man]

This is hard to respond to without more details Jordi84.

Have you been actively TRYING to get girlfriends/sex/kisses and getting rejected every time? Or is it just a situation of women not measuring up looks-wise or attitude wise?

There is no law that says a man has to have a serious relationship under his belt by a certain age. Men benefit very little from them so its not really a logical move in many situations. Most men do it because of society/family pressure.

But you should at least be having sex.

I need more details. Tell me what you've been doing with women.

 

[Mike32ct]

It's more common than you think. I was in that situation until about 28.

Here is the best advice I can give you. I won't sugar-coat any of it .

1. Stop looking for some little flaw that is preventing you from getting women. I wasted years doing this. There either isn't one or you won't find it anyway*.

2. Don't discuss your dating challenges with people in your social circle. Keep it to yourself. They aren't going to help you even if they have good intentions. It can only hurt your reputation with women. It's better to have women wonder why you don't have a gf or even wonder if you're gay than hear from their gfs that you are having trouble in this area. Even once you have successes, keep it quiet. The best ladies men keep their mouths shut.

3. *Optimize your look. Women are shallow. You can't avoid the looks issue. Work out. Most importantly, get a sexy hairstyle. My situation didn't turn around until I went with a messy/spiky style. I'm not suggesting a particular style, but get a good hair stylist. Maybe a hot chick or a stylish guy. Not a middle aged lady who will make you look like a "nice guy."

You can absolutely turn this around. I hope this helps.

 

[PlayHer Man]

It's more common than you think. I was in that situation until about 28.

Here is the best advice I can give you. I won't sugar-coat any of it .

1. Stop looking for some little flaw that is preventing you from getting women. I wasted years doing this. There either isn't one or you won't find it anyway*.

2. Don't discuss your dating challenges with people in your social circle. Keep it to yourself. They aren't going to help you even if they have good intentions. It can only hurt your reputation with women. It's better to have women wonder why you don't have a gf or even wonder if you're gay than hear from their gfs that you are having trouble in this area. Even once you have successes, keep it quiet. The best ladies men keep their mouths shut.

3. *Optimize your look. Women are shallow. You can't avoid the looks issue. Work out. Most importantly, get a sexy hairstyle. My situation didn't turn around until I went with a messy/spiky style. I'm not suggesting a particular style, but get a good hair stylist. Maybe a hot chick or a stylish guy. Not a middle aged lady who will make you look like a "nice guy."

You can absolutely turn this around. I hope this helps.

Good advice here. While we're on the topic of looks.. it doesn't hurt to have tattoos.

I have a few that are only visible with my shirt off.. but I've found that most women are either turned on by them or indifferent. Also men with tattoos report more sexual partners than men without them (correlation isn't causation but still).

However...DON'T get them JUST to attract women. Only get them if you actually want them. But anything you can do with your appearance that will decrease the amount of work you have to do to get laid helps. Modern women are definitely shallow and highly image conscious.

 

[NewJack]

Consider the possibility that your avoidance of relationships was an unconscious positive choice which you are struggling to own. You must have had some other things you were working on -- well, whatever those things are, they are probably much more well developed than they would otherwise be. Now you can turn to women, and your success is pretty much inevitable.

So right away, the idea that each person should evolve according to a set plan and be at a set place by 30 is wrong. Given the qualities broadcast between the lines of your writing, you are in a very favorable position. There is a nice combination of qualities broadcast between the lines of your post. It will not be hard to get women to accept this package.

Your predicament is also exaggerated by the shallowness of our general perception, because, most of what happens between man and woman happens as the unfolding of natural processes, the memory of which is stored practically in our own body cells. What I'm trying to say is this: when you figure out what it feels like to be in your groove with women, its like sledding downhill. It isn't difficult.

This massive edifice of study, learning, Bibles, etc., can make it look like you have set out to master Mechanical Engineering. In fact, you are setting your sights at rediscovering one of the most intuitive, natural progressions that exists. Everything is in your favor. Your situation is not nearly as dire as it may look.

Lastly, its worthwhile trying to rediscover how to blend friendship and sexuality. These are two energies that exist inside us. Most of our difficulties come from trying to operate using the one without the other. Often times our experience of sexuality is so accute, so powerful, so massive, and we want to bend to it or run away from it - that there is no room left for friendship. Since women are human beings and not just sexual creatures, this puts us on thin ice when relating to them. If you can crack the friendship code, and actually appreciate a girl who you couldn't appreciate before, possibly in the spirit of generosity at first - then you will be spared the 10-car-pile-up that is pure predatory sexual pursuit, masquerading as 'dating'. The strength of the bond will regulate the number and quality of the actual sexual experiences in almost all cases.

 

[JoeMarron]

Most of these posts haven't been very helpful. Sure working on yourself is important but that isn't gonna do sh!t for you if you aren't actively trying to meet women. Like PlayHer Man said we need to know if you've actually been attempting to get woman or are you just going about your life hoping they'll fall in your lap. I'm willing to bet that most dudes who've had success with women are either naturally attractive or they were just in the right place at the right time.

 

[AAAgent]

From my experience, the people that see results and change the least are the people who also have failed the least in their pursuits. You are not successful with women but yet have rarely been rejected or told off. The majority of people that are successful work for it. If you want to have a relationship, try setting up a date. Once you get a date, try to get a kiss, after you get a kiss, try and secure a second date. So on and so forth. If you want to succeed, you'll need to take action.

Learning how to carry/present yourself is only a part of the process, you'll still have to go out there and make stuff happen. You can have the best armor and weaponry a warrior can have but still, you'll never truly be considered a warrior or even a great warrior until you go out there and win battles. Success and respect both come from taking action.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

This is hard to respond to without more details Jordi84.

Have you been actively TRYING to get girlfriends/sex/kisses and getting rejected every time? Or is it just a situation of women not measuring up looks-wise or attitude wise?

There is no law that says a man has to have a serious relationship under his belt by a certain age. Men benefit very little from them so its not really a logical move in many situations. Most men do it because of society/family pressure.

But you should at least be having sex.

I need more details. Tell me what you've been doing with women.

Why do you say men benefit very little? I would feel men benefit more than women do with dating and relationship experience, because literally, guys have to be the ones to know how to get a girlfriend/relationship, girls do not literally need to know how to get a boyfriend/ relationship since they are the passive sex for the most part, us guys have always been expected and probably always will be expected to do the approaching, initiating and asking out, also don't forget girls have a pre-selection mentality, that usually want guys that are wanted by other girls, so a guy who has exes shows that he was wanted by girls in the past and obviously evolutionary speaking girls are attracted to that

 

[Cremasta]

Do you think there are women out there who are interested in you?

Unless you're a fat slob with three teeth in your whole head, then I guarantee that at some point you have met a girl who was keen on you.
You probably just didn't pick up on it.

That's the story of my late teens/early twenties. I kick myself now because I realise there were several girls who were interested in me, but I didn't make a move because I continually made one fatal mistake... I assumed they weren't interested, so was oblivious to any IOI's.

Might be your only problem is that you don't have the faintest clue about what's going on around you!

 

[Alvafe]

Why do you say men benefit very little? I would feel men benefit more than women do with dating and relationship experience, because literally, guys have to be the ones to know how to get a girlfriend/relationship, girls do not literally need to know how to get a boyfriend/ relationship since they are the passive sex for the most part, us guys have always been expected and probably always will be expected to do the approaching, initiating and asking out, also don't forget girls have a pre-selection mentality, that usually want guys that are wanted by other girls, so a guy who has exes shows that he was wanted by girls in the past and obviously evolutionary speaking girls are attracted to that

I said this before to my friends and I will repeat here, only reason I could see to ahve a GF is for sex, and I can get it without the LTR or having to deal with the drama so why I should spend my time on a woman? she is the one who should show me she is worth the hassle, with most don't and the ones who try I'm not interested.

@jordi, pretty much I would agree with Play her man, first thing you need to ask yourself and its from someone like you I never had a Girlfriend, why? most of time I don't wanted one, one certain times I did and get burned but sex I still can have since I don't care I can be pretty cold and do shots and not care the outcome, I never though of using it on girls I liked so trying to change to on myself.

but pretty much I will repeat the question are you really trying to set date, going out on 1 on 1 not group hang out, in groups you can try to get some raport but you need to follow in a solo date with her. so are you doing it? or no? share more info

 

[skinnyguy]

1) Don't try to use "game". It won't work for guys like you.

2) Are you smart? If so, go for smart girls.

 

[PlayHer Man]

Why do you say men benefit very little? I would feel men benefit more than women do with dating and relationship experience, because literally, guys have to be the ones to know how to get a girlfriend/relationship, girls do not literally need to know how to get a boyfriend/ relationship since they are the passive sex for the most part, us guys have always been expected and probably always will be expected to do the approaching, initiating and asking out, also don't forget girls have a pre-selection mentality, that usually want guys that are wanted by other girls, so a guy who has exes shows that he was wanted by girls in the past and obviously evolutionary speaking girls are attracted to that

Do you realize you just answered your own question? Look how much WORK the man must do and what is he getting?

Look how little work the woman does and what she gets out of it:

-Connections
-Free food
-Protection
-Money
-Resources
-Jobs
-Free drinks
-A driver
-A body guard
-An free on-call therapist

And the list goes on. Men do more to keep a relationship going than women do. Men are the givers. Therefore, men benefit less. But most men are too stupid to notice this because they place females on a pedestal and feel grateful for even the smallest kind gesture from a female (Wow.. she bought me a $1 candy bar! I'm the luckiest guy in the world! My girlfriend is so nice to me!! )

How much work does it take to put on nice clothes and take a shower? How much work does it take to lye on your back and open your legs? NOT MUCH.. but women want the world for doing these things for only one man consistently. And men are stupid enough to think this is "work" for women. :crackup:

 

[Jordi84]

This is hard to respond to without more details Jordi84.

Have you been actively TRYING to get girlfriends/sex/kisses and getting rejected every time? Or is it just a situation of women not measuring up looks-wise or attitude wise?

There is no law that says a man has to have a serious relationship under his belt by a certain age. Men benefit very little from them so its not really a logical move in many situations. Most men do it because of society/family pressure.

But you should at least be having sex.

I need more details. Tell me what you've been doing with women.

Thank you everyone for your replies! I think PlayHerMan has hit the point.

Basically I think between 13 and 17 I didn't managed to find someone I liked, after that I have had the complex of never having kissed a girl to persecute me for the following years (living in a small village everyone knew I never had a girlfriend so every girl avoided me as a weirdo). Other years passed and while my friends met a lot of girls with me, I never found one I wanted give my first kiss to (sounds gay I know lol).

Around 23 I met a girl who I fell in love with, but I was too blocked to take action: actually I didn't know what to do. We used to spend a lot of time talking together and having fun, we even went out a couple of times, but I literally didn't know how to escalate and pass to a more "physical" phase, which I think it's a necessary prologue for a kiss. After some months in which the situation was literally blocked - it was clear something had to happen, but nothing happened - we lose touch of each other (I don't believe a lot in deep friendship with girls, and it wasn't what I was interested in). After a couple of years I discovered from a friend of her that she used to like me very much, and that she avoided giving a try with me because she thought I wanted her just as a friend.

Even if this revelation made me feel deeply sad and depressed, it helped me to acquire a lot of self confidence (she was very beautiful, one of the most desired girl in all the campus), given that till that time I used to think that I couldn't get any girl because I was ugly or simply not desirable. I'm not beautiful, I'm quite ugly but not much more than the average people around me.

So basically now that I won a lot of problems with my self esteem I'm still blocked when it comes to escalate a relationship with a girl from a normal one to a higher one. I never had a girlfriend but I never gave a try with anyone. My score is 0/0, 0 hit on 0 shoots.

I know I'm a bit choosy (rarely I felt "envious" about my friends or my acquaintances girlfriends), but what can I do when I get to know a new girl that I like? I'm really blocked, and this situation is very frustrating...

 

[JaegerPilot217]

Do you realize you just answered your own question? Look how much WORK the man must do and what is he getting?

Look how little work the woman does and what she gets out of it:

-Connections
-Free food
-Protection
-Money
-Resources
-Jobs
-Free drinks
-A driver
-A body guard
-An free on-call therapist

And the list goes on. Men do more to keep a relationship going than women do. Men are the givers. Therefore, men benefit less. But most men are too stupid to notice this because they place females on a pedestal and feel grateful for even the smallest kind gesture from a female (Wow.. she bought me a $1 candy bar! I'm the luckiest guy in the world! My girlfriend is so nice to me!! )

How much work does it take to put on nice clothes and take a shower? How much work does it take to lye on your back and open your legs? NOT MUCH.. but women want the world for doing these things for only one man consistently. And men are stupid enough to think this is "work" for women. :crackup:

Still like I said, for women a relationship just happens but us guys have to do the work in order to make it happen, so inexperience hurts guys more than girls since guys have to know what to talk about and what to say, when to say it

 

[Stagger Lee]

Like Mike said don't let on to anyone that you are a zero with women, try to maximize your appearance, and NUMBERS GAME AND LOWER YOUR STANDARDS.

That's really all you can do as an average or below looking guy and all there is to the dating game. Or you can try to get rich and famous.

 

[XY.]

I'm 29 and I never had any girl in my life. No kisses, no sex, nothing.

You, my friend, are remarkable