Never get too comfortable in a relationship....

[Dingo]

I'm not going to be them...

You can never be totally ready for when relationships end but you can and should be somewhat emotionally prepared. Not prepared to fail or paranoia but things happens that end relationships... So be ready, don't ever be too complacent in any relationship. In the last few years I have seen and experienced some things that woke me up to never being too comfortable in a relationship.

My cousin went through a divorce five years ago and to this day he has not recovered... Good hard working family man but still out of the blue the wife traded up and left him... Five years and he still is a physical and emotional wreck......... Totally crushed.... I'm not going to be him.

A friends wife gets breast cancer.... Sweet woman so unfair. Metastasized into the bones and six months later she is dead. Months later my friend is totally destroyed... suicidal. She was his everything........ Totally crushed....I'm not going to be him.

My own life.... Married for many years with the normal ups and downs... But a lot of downs in the last few. When the Great Recession hit I lost my job and had a hard time finding another one... Things where stressful and money was tight. One day the wife tells me she is not happy in the marriage, no longer loves me or finds me attractive, etc, etc.... That was my wake up call.... Economy turns around and I start making good money and all of the sudden as long as the cash it's rolling in I'm OK......My view of her has changed... Definitely estranged....Divorce could be in the cards.

I've had a mistress for over two years... she gives me everything the wife doesn't... I value her love and tenderness above all. We are very happy but we know that things cannot continue indefinitely... Even if I did divorce there are no guarantees I would remarry. She understands and I understand that she has to move on. I love her but might cut her loose....

Since I have seen relatives, friends and my own experiences I have been emotionally preparing for the end of relationship pain I see coming in my own life. SS has helped me realize that you don't always succeed, that pain is temporary.... and that in time you will be just fine. I'll may never be totally prepared but I swear that I won't be destroyed like my relatives and friends have been.

I'm not going to be totally crushed.... I'm not going to be them.

 

[Reykhel]

Know this...

Every relationship you enter into will end. It will end by you rejecting her or her rejecting you...
or ultimately it will end when death reaches it's hand down and releases you from your waking
slumber.

Dead. Just like that.

Over. Just like that.

Finality. And no chance to say goodbye. No chance of "closure". No warning.

This sounds negative. It's not supposed to be.

Reflecting on death. Meditating on the end of your life. Meditating on the end of the lives of your loved ones.
Meditating on the fact that this relationship will end one day. And that day could be today.......does something to you......

....what it does is give you clarity and awareness.

Clarity and awareness to see the bigger picture, to not let the little things overcome you and block your communication.

It gives you the awareness to live each day fully as it may be your last. Awareness to not take for granted the people in your life. To not take for granted your own life.

this too shall end. So savor it now. Taste it now. breath it now.

Knowing that this is going to end.......you need to cultivate the ability to not get attached.

Being attached to something or someone that is intransient like the clouds above, will only lead to inevitable suffering...

Meditate on death to appreciate life....
Meditate on death to realize the futility of attachment....

 

[Dingo]

Interesting that you say that Reykhel....

I have intimate knowledge of death.... I work with old folks... I lose them often.. Just last week I found one of my favorite clients dead on the floor. A old German fellow.. Wished him a good trip to Valhalla.

I don't fear death.... We all are just passing through.

 

[Reykhel]

Interesting that you say that Reykhel....

I have intimate knowledge of death.... I work with old folks... I lose them often.. Just last week I found one of my favorite clients dead on the floor. A old German fellow.. Wished him a good trip to Valhalla.

I don't fear death.... We all are just passing through.

And you'r right not to fear it. I think you're lucky in a way. You're seeing death upfront everyday.
That could get some people down. But with the right perspective, it can make every meal you
eat, taste so damn good. It puts you right in the moment of awareness.

I think in the west we have a natural tendency to avoid death. And then when the moment arrives......
will they be ready....will they go kicking and screaming into black agony......or will they say......"it's been good. I've been waiting for this moment. and now it's here"

My first near death experience came at twenty one years of age when I had a motorcycle accident. I really don't know how I wasn't killed but I remember always thinking, "wow, that was one of the best experiences of my life".

I think when you live with the daily knowledge of your own mortality, everything that happens is almost a bonus. With the knowledge of death, what can hurt you...

Every day really is an opportunity to say "wow, another chance to make things right"

The past is gone. Your mistakes are over. This is a clean slate.

If any one person decides to say to you "hey man, it's over yeah?". Really the only answer to give is "well, ok, I've been waiting on this day and today it has arrived. I'm so happy my eyes are misty. We had our time together and you know? I'm grateful for every moment we had. I wish you well on your journey. I must go now, there is a fig tree that needs attending to."

Another chance.......to live.

 

[GeniuzKhrist]

I'd rather love and live to suffer, than die without knowing what love and life really felt like.

Just saying.

 

[Serenity]

Emotionally speaking I ended my current relationship before I started it. By reflecting on how it would be if it ended, to know I could handle it before taking the chance of starting it. I have no fear of my relationship ending, it might do and it might not (until death). I won't know until it's real and that's what's happening. Until that time comes I choose to not dwell on it and enjoy the time I have now.

I remain comfortable with the fact that it will certainly end, I just can't know how and when. If I was to be constantly uncomfortable in a relationship I would be better off without it, I don't accept that.

If it ends early I can take the pain, that too will end...

 

[Yewki]

Economy turns around and I start making good money and all of the sudden as long as the cash it's rolling in I'm OK......My view of her has changed... Definitely estranged....Divorce could be in the cards.

Serious question, but what are you waiting for? By standing around and not divorcing her you're just setting things up to end worse. One day you'll wake up and wonder why you wasted all this time with her. Even worse, she catches you with your mistress and reams you in court.

Grab the bull by the horns. As you said, don't be "that guy"

 

[Julian]

powerful stuff here guys.

I think most people are afraid to meet death and the next level of life because they do not carry clean consiences in this realm.

Say what you want about religion or philosophys but I cannot imagine in this world or any other besides Hell itself, horrible acts being rewarded in any type of way besides with equal/more suffering to the bearer.