"Never Complain, Never Explain"

[bigneil]

These are the famous words of Benjamin Disraeli.

This is a good philosophy as Robert Greene reminds us. We should talk less in general, so a good rule of thumb is to try to eliminate anything that could be categorized as either a complaint or an explanation from our statements. Both of these diminish our value by making us essentially go from producer to consumer. These empower others by seeking approval.

Instead, we should simply use absence whenever we feel tempted. If we just walk away until they miss us, these little nuances we thought required clarification are forgotten.

 

[narcissist]

Absolutely agree bigneil!

Complaining is one of the most unattractive, off-putting, and negative characteristics one can have. Eradicate complaining at all costs (as robert greene might say).

This is hard to do sometimes, especially when you see a lot of bad in the world at hand. But It is IMPERATIVE that we all get rid of complaining!

And explaining is also something that we should toss aside. It adds an enigmatic air when you dont explain your actions, because people are information processors and they want to understand the motive behind peoples behaviours. Also, we are not obligated to explain every little thing we do. When we do end up explaining everything that we do we become the slave of other peoples curiosity, and we answer to them, rather then the other way around.

Agreed entirely. Good post!

 

[bigneil]

Lewis and Copeland (2000) wrote "There will be times when you feel a need to explain why you do things the way you do. Don't do it. Simply answer questions instead".

 

[mrgoodstuff]

This little tidbit is one that messes many of us up in friendships, relationship and marriage. And complaining becomes a cycle once you start it.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

You follow this good enough and it will come to a point when people that admire you and is always trying to reach you will suddenly tell you "I know nothing about you". This can be scary to them. The answer is to create a mask. Do tell them things about you, but make these non-important stuff, never ever talk about your deep motivations and desires except for your close friends (if you think they are more than 2 guys, you are wrong).

 

[Poon King]

Complaining is something women do to get men to take action.

Men who complain are losers. Either fix the problem, find a way around it or accept it. But complaining is a total waste of time and energy.

 

[NSX-R]

Good post

 

[Juanto]

I agree about never explaining myself.

Complaining in my opinion can be VERY effective.

How do you figure that?

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Agreed with less talking in general. I was a quiet teenager, but usually attracted the hottest birds. The class clown gets attention, but not really the right type of attention.

It reminds me when I went out with an ex-gf of mine a while back. We ended up meeting a bunch of her friends (half guys and girls). I was just going about my business, being friendly, but not over the top, occasionally just quietly remaining content sipping my drink. Eventually I overhear some of the guys talking about their 'alpha male' status inf front of these women.... I couldn't help but simply smirk, looked away and smoked my cigarette. I ended up in my exes bed that night.

Regards complaints, you don't wanna be the doormat nor the guy who cried wolf. When something has genuinely inconvenienced you, give pragmatic solutions to prevent the situation recurring. There is however a distinct difference between complaining and moaning.

Lastly, never, ever gossip.

 

[Mike32ct]

Great post Neil.

The "no complaining" rule is certainly intuitive. Nobody respects a complainer.

I didn't know about the "no explaining" rule. That one is slightly less obvious/intuitive. I guess insecure people feel the need to justify, i.e. explain why they do what they do.

Sort of like the woman at the bar asking you, "Are you here alone?" I imagine it would be much more powerful to just flat out say "Yes" and leave it at that, rather than some lengthy explaination about how your buddy couldn't make it that night.

 

[NSX-R]

I think there is a big difference between remaining silent or talking less than saying the right words.
You can speak very little but every time you open your mouth , it's like throwing bricks.
A combination of both , saying the right words and the number of your words you spit to be equal with the number of your fingers , gives you an alpha status and increases your worth astronomically.

 

[wifehunter]

Good call!