Never be afraid to let go

[Jaylan]

Last week I broke up with a girl I had been dating for the last several months. Its probably the first time Ive legit broke up with someone as Im usually on the receiving end. And boy was it tough. Why? Because I legitimately liked this girl, she treated me great, we got along really well, had good physical chemistry, and my family liked her.

However I had to bail because I couldnt give her the long term commitment she desired. While we had things that made us click well...there were things missing in her that I needed if I were to truly commit to a woman. Its not her fault...we were just different people in some important ways.

But boy oh boy...I gotta say that seeing someone you care about cry and feel emotional pain because of you does suck. The decision to break things off was something I battled with the last couple months after she told me she wanted more.

At the end of it all it does suck that our relationship is now different...but I feel happy at how much Ive grown over the years. The Jaylan of a few years ago might of held on to things...being afraid to be single and alone. The Jaylan of a few years ago might have even committed to this girl without being sure of a real future together.

Never be afraid to let go. Never be afraid to be alone. Remembers, you can always masturbate...and you have your friends to hang out with when you need companionship. And never compromise on what you really want. Because when you do, its bad for you and bad for the girl.

We have remained friends so far...and still talk some each day. That said I really do feel good about this breakup though. Its better for us both in the long run.

I seriously reflected on the progress Ive made in my dating decisions over the past few years and felt good. Nothing beats experience.

 

[CubanCigar]

Last week I broke up with a girl I had been dating for the last several months. Its probably the first time Ive legit broke up with someone as Im usually on the receiving end. And boy was it tough. Why? Because I legitimately liked this girl, she treated me great, we got along really well, had good physical chemistry, and my family liked her.

However I had to bail because I couldnt give her the long term commitment she desired. While we had things that made us click well...there were things missing in her that I needed if I were to truly commit to a woman. Its not her fault...we were just different people in some important ways.

But boy oh boy...I gotta say that seeing someone you care about cry and feel emotional pain because of you. The decision to break things off was something I battled with the last couple months after she told me she wanted more.

At the end of it all it does suck that our relationship is now different...but I feel happy at how much Ive grown over the years. The Jaylan of a few years ago might of held on to things...being afraid to be single and alone. The Jaylan of a few years ago might have even committed to this girl without being sure of a real future together.

Never be afraid to let go. Never be afraid to be alone. And never compromise on what you really want. Because when you do, its bad for you and bad for the girl.

We have remained friends so far...and still talk some each day. That said I really do feel good about this breakup though. Its better for us both in the long run.

I seriously reflected on the progress Ive made in my dating decisions over the past few years and felt good. Nothing beats experience.

Good story. See that's the problem. Most NEED to "spin plates" like a band-aid for being unable to be alone. What happens when one has NO plates? Do they fall apart?

Inner strength is what counts. Not relying on others to give us strength like a crutch.

 

[Fitters]

Similar position , my advice will be to let her initiate the contact on the days you guys talk. It will help you help fully. I broke up with a girl , she got a new man right away and I stopped talking to her , they broke up she came back and I let her know we can't be together , she wanted to stay friends. I had sex with her , now she is the one that contacts , if she goes a month or years without saying nothing , I won't say anything. I already lowered her value in my eyes.

 

[SAYNO]

Last week I broke up with a girl I had been dating for the last several months. Its probably the first time Ive legit broke up with someone as Im usually on the receiving end. And boy was it tough. Why? Because I legitimately liked this girl, she treated me great, we got along really well, had good physical chemistry, and my family liked her.

However I had to bail because I couldnt give her the long term commitment she desired. While we had things that made us click well...there were things missing in her that I needed if I were to truly commit to a woman. Its not her fault...we were just different people in some important ways.

But boy oh boy...I gotta say that seeing someone you care about cry and feel emotional pain because of you does suck. The decision to break things off was something I battled with the last couple months after she told me she wanted more.

At the end of it all it does suck that our relationship is now different...but I feel happy at how much Ive grown over the years. The Jaylan of a few years ago might of held on to things...being afraid to be single and alone. The Jaylan of a few years ago might have even committed to this girl without being sure of a real future together.

Never be afraid to let go. Never be afraid to be alone. Remembers, you can always masturbate...and you have your friends to hang out with when you need companionship. And never compromise on what you really want. Because when you do, its bad for you and bad for the girl.

We have remained friends so far...and still talk some each day. That said I really do feel good about this breakup though. Its better for us both in the long run.

I seriously reflected on the progress Ive made in my dating decisions over the past few years and felt good. Nothing beats experience.

Yep! Great post...

 

[Lozboss]

Jaylan,

One thing- I don't see how keeping contact helps? You need to close that chapter, speaking every day is wrong for 2 reasons:

1. You can't heal and move on mentally
2. Neither can she

If you care about her then you need to take your own advice and LET HER GO.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Last time I split with a girl I wasn't really in to, I told myself it's the last time.

It's OK when you're a teenager, going round breaking young girl's hearts. But we have to grow out of it eventually.

I don't get in to relationships with people I'm not really in to any more.

 

[Scars]

You bucks got it easy, add kids into the equation and imagine whatever you're going through times a million.

 

[bigneil]

Wow, I can actually relate to Jaylan on this.

Sadly, when we succeed in a seduction, and get a girl we really like to love us, they will quickly (after 6 months or so) move toward a commitment. You get the "something more" speech. If you don't move forward, she will create problems when there were none. In other words, your being a DJ becomes her problem.

And as men we do feel bad when they blow up our phone at the point the breakup goes nuclear. Because we've been there, probably more than half the time in past relationships. Women don't feel bad for us in that situation though, so don't take it too hard. Know that you can never go back. When you met, she loved you automatically to some degree and now she will have to try to love you again, which she won't do.

This subject of being the one to end things is covered in the chapter "Breaking up is easy to do" in Louis Copeland's 1999 book "How to Succeed with women". It's also the final chapter in Robert Greene's Art of Seduction "Beware the after effects" (of a successful seduction).

It's a good problem to have.

 

[Jaylan]

Jaylan,

One thing- I don't see how keeping contact helps? You need to close that chapter, speaking every day is wrong for 2 reasons:

1. You can't heal and move on mentally
2. Neither can she

If you care about her then you need to take your own advice and LET HER GO.

I agree with this. However Im not just going to go cold turkey on her. She definitely doesnt want that, and I dont want to be cold and do that to her. I legit do think shes a good person and a good friend to have.

Things have eased back in terms of how often we talk though. We went a couple days without talking until she hit me up last night to check in. So while I wont speak to her every single day, I will keep in touch.

And I must admit, last night I even questioned my decision to break up with her. I do miss her, but then I quickly remembered why we weren't compatible in the long run.

All is well though.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

Wow, I can actually relate to Jaylan on this.

Sadly, when we succeed in a seduction, and get a girl we really like to love us, they will quickly (after 6 months or so) move toward a commitment. You get the "something more" speech. If you don't move forward, she will create problems when there were none. In other words, your being a DJ becomes her problem.

So true. My last "LTR" was almost six months to do the day. She wasn't getting the attention or sex shortly after my father's passing, gave me some space for a while and then started to push hard. When I didn't reciprocate, she invented some story about spending Thanksgiving with her ex and then went Hiroshima and cried rape or something. When that didn't work, she went Nagasaki and cried rape from her dad or brother as a child or something.

She was OUT THERE, so I think it's possible that it were true, but I knew the Thanksgiving gig was a plot. I promptly told her it backfired, and she was a goner. Changed my number and haven't spoken to her since.

On another note, Jaylan my boy, you haven't let go if you're still talking daily. There is another LTR in my history and we had this "surrogate breakup" about 50 times. "Are you okay?" "Still thinking about you." "This isn't easy for me."

Now we live 1,000 miles apart and still get DTF about 3 times a year. I actually can't stand her, but something about nostalgia. I shouldn't give her the time or day because she's rotten to the core, but it's largely another non-factor. We don't do the dramatic breakup talks anymore. I haven't spoken to her in weeks. She may come around for the **** again, and she may not. Whatever.

Please brother, it'll be easier the moment you call it like it is. Men breaking up with women is so rare it's usually a ruthless, Super Alpha style split (like the first LTR I mentioned). The second was the polar opposite like yours. You're rationalizing and trying LJBF here because of the "feelings". Tread carefully. :yes:

 

[Jaylan]

So true. My last "LTR" was almost six months to do the day. She wasn't getting the attention or sex shortly after my father's passing, gave me some space for a while and then started to push hard. When I didn't reciprocate, she invented some story about spending Thanksgiving with her ex and then went Hiroshima and cried rape or something. When that didn't work, she went Nagasaki and cried rape from her dad or brother as a child or something.

She was OUT THERE, so I think it's possible that it were true, but I knew the Thanksgiving gig was a plot. I promptly told her it backfired, and she was a goner. Changed my number and haven't spoken to her since.

On another note, Jaylan my boy, you haven't let go if you're still talking daily. There is another LTR in my history and we had this "surrogate breakup" about 50 times. "Are you okay?" "Still thinking about you." "This isn't easy for me."

Now we live 1,000 miles apart and still get DTF about 3 times a year. I actually can't stand her, but something about nostalgia. I shouldn't give her the time or day because she's rotten to the core, but it's largely another non-factor. We don't do the dramatic breakup talks anymore. I haven't spoken to her in weeks. She may come around for the **** again, and she may not. Whatever.

Please brother, it'll be easier the moment you call it like it is. Men breaking up with women is so rare it's usually a ruthless, Super Alpha style split (like the first LTR I mentioned). The second was the polar opposite like yours. You're rationalizing and trying LJBF here because of the "feelings". Tread carefully. :yes:

1. Except for one issue a few months into our dating, the girl I was seeing was very low maintenance and drama free. No high drama craziness from her.

2. We do not talk every day anymore. In the last week we did not speak 3 out of the 7 days.

3. I normally go full no contact after breakups because Ive had bad breakups in the past, or just didnt have much of a friendship with the girl to begin with. This recent girl however, the breakup was not bad and we had a good friendship.

There's really no reason for me to go cold on her and I have no desire to completely bail on her. For the first time I feel like I had a mature adult breakup...and that I could actually keep the woman in my life without it causing problems for me.

I don't need to talk to her every day, I have no desire to see her all the time, and Im in no rush to sleep with her again soon after the breakup. Also, I don't feel like Im compromising who I am or how I'm feeling by staying in contact with her.

Seriously, for the first time in my life a breakup has gone well enough for my life to not feel out of sorts after.

You're underestimating her big time, this is an experienced woman

Shes really not experienced. I have loads more dating experience than her. I lead that entire relationship and was in control of the direction we were going.

If anything, her experience with me has taught her a lot about what to expect when dating, and how to get what she really needs in the future. I think it also taught her that she really does want a relationship with someone and not just something casual for an extended period of time.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

1. Except for one issue a few months into our dating, the girl I was seeing was very low maintenance and drama free. No high drama craziness from her.

2. We do not talk every day anymore. In the last week we did not speak 3 out of the 7 days.

3. I normally go full no contact after breakups because Ive had bad breakups in the past, or just didnt have much of a friendship with the girl to begin with. This recent girl however, the breakup was not bad and we had a good friendship.

There's really no reason for me to go cold on her and I have no desire to completely bail on her. For the first time I feel like I had a mature adult breakup...and that I could actually keep the woman in my life without it causing problems for me.

I don't need to talk to her every day, I have no desire to see her all the time, and Im in no rush to sleep with her again soon after the breakup. Also, I don't feel like Im compromising who I am or how I'm feeling by staying in contact with her.

Seriously, for the first time in my life a breakup has gone well enough for my life to not feel out of sorts after.
Shes really not experienced. I have loads more dating experience than her. I lead that entire relationship and was in control of the direction we were going.

If anything, her experience with me has taught her a lot about what to expect when dating, and how to get what she really needs in the future. I think it also taught her that she really does want a relationship with someone and not just something casual for an extended period of time.

1. NAWALT?
2. You're COUNTING how many days you haven't spoken? Been there, done that. Not good.

You're feeling good and "mature" because you've got all the power...for now. Wait until your NAWALT decides to flip the script and post pictures with other men on Facebook. We all know how this story ends.

You have to listen to yourself man. Step out of denial - this is not a breakup as of now.

 

[Lozboss]

Sometimes you have to listen to advice.

Three people (all of whom know their sh*t) are telling you that you need to go cold.

While that door is open you're vulnerable. Your call of course but when she finally moves on you'll get hit hard (as Blue said).

 

[Jaylan]

1. NAWALT?
2. You're COUNTING how many days you haven't spoken? Been there, done that. Not good.

You're feeling good and "mature" because you've got all the power...for now. Wait until your NAWALT decides to flip the script and post pictures with other men on Facebook. We all know how this story ends.

You have to listen to yourself man. Step out of denial - this is not a breakup as of now.

Youre reading into this a lot more than I am.

1. Where did I say NAWALT? I specifically said that my woman was drama free. Dont project your experiences onto mine. You had a sh!tty drama filled woman to deal with...I didnt. Simple.

2. I counted the days I didnt speak to her AFTER you made the INCORRECT statement that Im still talking to her everyday.

3. She barely uses facebook (we didnt even post pictures together on it), and I dont check her facebook. Shes the kind of rare woman that barely pays attention to social media. Shes far more focused on work, family, and friends.

As it stands youre the only one in denial. Youre some anonymous dude trying to tell another anonymous person what their personal life is really like. You know how I know my breakup is actually a break up?

Because I havent seen the girl in almost 2 weeks, I do not currently have a desire to sleep with her, and we are talking much less than we used to. And on days we do talk, its not very long.

Stop projecting buddy. I swear...some of you guys try to create drama out of any thread here. This was supposed to be a positive thread.

Sometimes you have to listen to advice.

Three people (all of whom know their sh*t) are telling you that you need to go cold.

While that door is open you're vulnerable. Your call of course but when she finally moves on you'll get hit hard (as Blue said).

Dude, I know who and who not to take seriously on this forum in terms of advice. Certain guys here were telling me she was banging other dudes and was ready to dump me when I posted a thread months ago asking a simple question. These dudes were entirely wrong, and I was the one who ended up leaving months later. And in the present time, its not my business what shes doing romantically, and Im not concerned with her personal life.

Fact of the matter is that many dudes on Sosuave over think a lot of things and feed off of drama.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

Youre reading into this a lot more than I am.

1. Where did I say NAWALT? I specifically said that my woman was drama free. Dont project your experiences onto mine. You had a sh!tty drama filled woman to deal with...I didnt. Simple.

2. I counted the days I didnt speak to her AFTER you made the INCORRECT statement that Im still talking to her everyday.

3. She barely uses facebook (we didnt even post pictures together on it), and I dont check her facebook. Shes the kind of rare woman that barely pays attention to social media. Shes far more focused on work, family, and friends.

As it stands youre the only one in denial. Youre some anonymous dude trying to tell another anonymous person what their personal life is really like. You know how I know my breakup is actually a break up?

Because I havent seen the girl in almost 2 weeks, I do not currently have a desire to sleep with her, and we are talking much less than we used to. And on days we do talk, its not very long.

Stop projecting buddy. I swear...some of you guys try to create drama out of any thread here. This was supposed to be a positive thread.
Dude, I know who and who not to take seriously on this forum in terms of advice. Certain guys here were telling me she was banging other dudes and was ready to dump me when I posted a thread months ago asking a simple question. These dudes were entirely wrong, and I was the one who ended up leaving months later. And in the present time, its not my business what shes doing romantically, and Im not concerned with her personal life.

Fact of the matter is that many dudes on Sosuave over think a lot of things and feed off of drama.

You're ranting like an unhinged teen girl that just got dumped by a jock. "Drama free" "rare woman" are classic blue-pill, NAWALT rationalizations.

You're the kind of guy who makes a thread asking if he "did the right thing", whose willing to sort through 50 pages of warnings hoping and praying to find the one post that'll help him in his mental masturbations. You might as well put out a Facebook status quoting Bruno Mars to see if she 'likes it' (and don't forget to attack your brothers who tell you to snap out of it.)

You've got neutral parties telling you I know what I'm talking about, so my work here is done. I'm coming off harsh, but sometimes that's needed. You're soft and a lost cause for now. (Go ahead, please tell me you're harder than I've ever been and slept with more women than I've talked to. That's all that is left.)

It's a long way out of the fire and you'll have third degree burns for a while, but you'll figure it out. Good luck.

P.S. - It's mind numbingly hilarious that you're calling this thread "never be afraid to let go" while clinging to her like a child and a toy. The irony is so thick you could cut it with a knife.

 

[Jaylan]

You're ranting like an unhinged teen girl that just got dumped by a jock. "Drama free" "rare woman" are classic blue-pill, NAWALT rationalizations.

Lmao...dude you need to grow up and stop projecting.

So now its "blue pill" when a man has real life experiences with a low maintenance drama free woman? Im telling you as a fact that this girl did not ask for much from me, was a good friend, was totally chill, and never caused problems in my life. And stating these facts is blue pill?

Get the fvk over yourself and stop the know-it-all bullsh!t. You never post on the forum and out of the blue (pun intended) start spouting off inane assertions.

You're the kind of guy who makes a thread asking if he "did the right thing", whose willing to sort through 50 pages of warnings hoping and praying to find the one post that'll help him in his mental masturbations. You might as well put out a Facebook status quoting Bruno Mars to see if she 'likes it', then attack any of your brothers who ask you what the hell you're doin.

Riiiight buddy.

Except this thread is the antithesis of your claims, and my posts clearly show that. I keep saying I KNOW I did the right thing. Come off it mate.

Also, I dont use Facebook with her in mind at all.

You've got neutral parties telling you I know what I'm talking about, so my work here is done. You're soft, and at this point you're a lost cause. It's a long way out of the fire and you'll have third degree burns for a while, but you'll figure it out. Good luck.

And several neutral parties have agreed with my position and said Ive done the right thing. They didnt come into my thread acting like a critical know-it-all douchebag making inaccurate claims. So lets see...a few people are supporting me, and a couple have had similar opinions to yours....and somehow that adds up to you being right?

There's nothing soft about a man strong enough to willingly go to the single-life alone because a woman is not right for him. Unlike many guys I don't need sex or companionship that badly that I will stay with a woman that I feel incompatible with.

Again I say...stop trying to project your experiences and close-minded viewpoints onto someone...especially when they are telling you facts that directly contradict you.

P.S. - It's mind numbingly hilarious that you're calling this thread "never be afraid to let go" while clinging to her like a child and a toy. The irony is so thick you could cut it with a knife.

Clinging to her? Barely talking to a woman and being grown up enough to remain friendly after a firm breakup is clinging to someone? :crackup:

 

[bigneil]

So true. My last "LTR" was almost six months to do the day.

I just experienced a historic rejection on the 6 month anniversary of my most recent relationship.

We met on Dec. 26 (week of Winter Solstice) and 6 months later is June 26th (exactly 26 weeks), and on our 26th Friday (June 19, the last day of Spring) she went postal.

6 month anniversaries are the most stressful, as our half-birthdays. The Earth is 186 Million miles away (as far as possible) from where it originally was, and we can sense it. Relationships almost always end on some 6 month boundary. My last two: 2.5 years (to the day, ending June 27) and 6 months (to the day, ending June 19).

NEVER marry a woman who you have not known (and been loved by) for a whole year!

I'm working on an app for this. Please post details on your experiences with 6 month relationships.