nervousness....

[CrazyVatoLoco]

How do I deal with this... every time I force myself to talk to someone I usually end up feeling worse and more nervous with other people... ****! this is pissing me off.. and its just not with girls, it seems like im not good at making friends with anyone no matter how hard I try to talk to them.

 

[xiola]

are you trying to make frineds outside of your social status? if so, try to make friends with people you have the same interests with

b

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

Sounds like you have a bit of performance anxiety. You're thinking about the perfect words to say, the perfect way to say them, the perfect time to say them, the perfect everything.

In short..

You come off unnatural.

Its all good bro. You just need to chill off the anxiety attacks. Don't read the DJB and think that you'll be cassinova over night.

IMO...take something you really are into..say Snowboarding. Then find people who share that passion and interest in. It will be easy to discuss with them because it isn't uncharted waters comming up with topics of discussion because snowboarding is something you are into.

Find women who share this passion. Why try to date a woman who is a huge opera fan when you hate opera? Start with women who share your intersts. Start with men who share your interest. If you like football...talk monday night football. If you like porn...talk porn...

My point....start small...start linking conversations...and if you talk to women...remember the 70-30 rule...and ask a lot of questions..

WOMEN LOVE TALKING...and if you listen closely enough..you'll have all the right things to say.

 

[CrazyVatoLoco]

damn...exactly, but the problem is im always nervous...even with friends im cool with from a long time. If im like that I cant see how I can keep a convo going with a girl Im just getting to know. and ppl say I take everything to serious, whats up with that?

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

Stop with the negative self talk.

"I'm always nevervous. I NEVER know what to say around my friends. I CAN'T DO IT."

Successful people never talk negatives.

You've acknowledged that you may have problems talking to people. That's an awesome start. Focus on the positives.

Rather than telling yourself "I Can't"..focus on doing small things everyday.

Instead of whole conversations with people...try just saying hello to them and smiling. Then build on it. Start with long conversations with family. Then with friends. Then with strangers. Then with women.

Give yourself a deadline. By next week...I plan on saying hi and smiling to everyone I meet. By next month..I plan on having conversations with my family. By next summer...I plan on having open conversations with women.

Good tip - Surround yourself with positive people..funny people..people who make you laugh.

Comedians are so well loved because they know how to communicate with to a crowd. Buy some dvds, rent some dvds. Get into some good stand up comedians, story tellers like Eddie Murphy, Richard Prior, Dave Chapelle, Martin Lawrence...watch these artists at work and imulate their attitude and charm. See how they talk, act, and verbalize and add that to your personality.