Nervousness problem

[çun]

I was wondering if anyone else has this problem.When people are nervous the thing that they do that shows most that they are nervous,and which in turn make everybody else nervous,is to swallow their saliva.And is sth that you can hear if the person has been accumulating much of it.
I usually didn't have this problem because it comes when you are nervous I guess.But when I hear that some other person is doing it,I start doing it myself and is impossible to stop.Specially if you are in a silent place like a studing room or anything like that.
I know that the best way is not to be nervous,but sometimes you just can't help it man,and is like a connected with the swallowing,the more saliva you swallow the more nervous you become.It sucks.I ve screwed up with 5-6 girls with this thing,they were really hot and sth could have happened but after they learned that I m nervous they kind of avoid me.
To cut it short,is there a way to fight it?Exept to not be nervous.

 

[SickAgain]

Nervousness roots from being unconfident. Because you're nervous of the outcome, if you're confident, you don't really care about the outcome because you're certain the outcome will be in your favor. Drink a lot of water then you won't need saliva.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...To cut it short,is there a way to fight it?Exept to not be nervous.

This may sound counterintuitive but for most, just accepting the fact that they are nervous eases the anxiety that created from worrying about it. Actually giving yourself a moment (a brief one) to recognize it, to accept it, and then to proceed at the task at hand helps.

The key is not to project yourself into the future and worry about what might happen. Focus on the immediate moment and do what needs to be done and make the necessary adjustment along the way if necessary.

 

[everywomanshero]

Good Question,

I'm not a therapist so don't take this as the gospel truth, but from my background in psychology is here is my off the cuff answer:

Fear is laregely conditioned. How do I know this? Because Watson took an 11 mo old baby (lil albert) who was not afraid of rats. Just as lil al went to touch the rat, Watson made a big, loud noise that made lil al want to poop his pants. Watson repeated one more time.

A week later lil al was scared of the rat. In fact, his fear of the rat had generalized to rabbits and other such creatures too.

This conditioned can work in the other direction too as discovered by Mary Cover Jones. You can remove fear by presenting the fearful stimulus in a way that is only mildly threatning and then systematically progress the encounters until the fear is gone.

WHat will (likely) not work according to a huge amount of experiments:
a) You can't FORCE the fear to go away. You have to allow it to happen and not fight the process.

b) Placing yourself in a level 10 anxiety situation will not make the fear go away, but wil instead increase it.

c) Avoiding the fear will not make it go away.

d) refusing to get treatment for other associated mental health problems such as depression, panic, etc. will increase the difficulty removing fears.

What will likely work:
A) Reducing general stress. Meditation, exercise, healthy diet.

B) Facing your fear in a reasonable manner. If trying to go for a full close gives you the trembles, then try something like just going for a kiss close. I don't know where you're at, it has to be something that causes you mild but not terrible anxiety to progress. But like lifting weights, you do need to continue to push forward a little bit each week and be consistent.

C) Stop musterbating and shoulding all over yourself. Outcome dependance will increase stress like a mutha %^**%. I know successful people who should be happy but walk around tense and rubbing everyone they meet the wrong way becayse they are constantly thinking about all the stuff they *must* do. I suggest releasing the outcome of the interaction and instead place the focus on what *you* will do and forget about trying to control peoples' reactions to your actions.

D) Remove irrational fears. Examine your beliefs and see if they are rational. Is there really anything to be scared of? What would really happen in the worst case, I bet you would still live and carry on, wouldn't you?

ALl of these things do take a little time.

Immediate bandaids:

Xanax: I think this would reduce physiological symptoms for a couple of hours after ingestion. It unfortunately also makes some people tired and may reduce your performance. If taken in heavy doses it may also prevent desensitation because you're not really overcoming your emotions this way.

Breathing: You can try some deep breathing techniques. I think you can find descriptions of these in any basic yoga course.

Visual: Visualize things going well in the morning before you leave the house or just before an approach.

Glucose, Thyriod, etc. there are various medical issues that could increase your sensitivity and physiological symptoms. It's always a good idea that have blood worked reviewed now and again at any rate.

Anybody's guess stuff:

Kava Kava: Rumored to reduce anxiety and promote relaxation. It has been linked to severe liver problems and death. You can purchase at health food stores in the US. The studies of its efficacy have not well controlled. Studies extolling the benefit of Saint John's wort, including one US university study, were recently debunked. I am equally skeptical of the studies claiming Kava Kava has anti-anxiety benefit. Might be worth a shot if you can afford a spare liver =)

 

[GamePlan]

To cut it short,is there a way to fight it?Exept to not be nervous.

There is no magic trick. I used to have severe social anxiety and when I went outside simply to practice saying "Hello" or "Hi" to people I had a similar problem: My lips would get really really dry, which made it even harder for me to try to greet people. I tried stuff like using a labello (its a well known brand over here..one of those..umm I dont want to say lipstick as its not f or women but u put it on your lips (without any visual effect) and it makes them less dry).

That didn't help all that much (though it made it a bit better), but after simply greeting people more often (and then having conversations and so on) I got more confident and that symptome disappeared.

I also had a public speaking phobia which I saw a therapist over and one of the things he said to me that actually helped is that when you feel the pain/nervousness you simply have to "soak it up" and accept it (to be honest nothing that guy told me isnt something I wouldnt have learned from reading a book on public speaking, though)

Ok that sounds like some wack ****, I guess but the truth is I used to be one of those people thinking "I shouldn't feel nervous when I try to approach a chick or when I do public speaking". But thats not the way to go. You simply have to accept it as a part of life, thats how you work. But the more you expose yourself to it and practice it the less of a problem it becomes.

The dryness thing with my lips has completely gone away and Im doing public speaking regularly again even though I still feel nervous when I have to do it, but I just accept that nervousness and it gets better.