Nervous.

[ElStud]

I've approached a few groups of girls this year but I still get really nervous when approaching. My big fear is that my opener will not lead into good conversation. For instance, there's this girl named Amanda in track, I wanted to approach her with "Hey, how's it going?" or "I saw you running. What event do you do?" but it just seemed that it would come of as lame and really wouldn't start anything good. I feel I need another opener, a stronger opener, an opener that would show I'm not like any other guy who's approached her. "Hey, how's it going?" is just small talk, I need something better, something that gets things started quicker. Also, as far as conversation goes, how can I make myself more interesting? I give eye contact, but I'm not funny and I'm pretty bad at telling stories. If I could somehow see that "Hey, how's it going?" does work and could lead to getting a girls number, perhaps I wouldn't be nervous, but that's obviously not the case. I wonder how the guy friends she has now first met her, but she's probably known them for a long time, probably since childhood.

 

[nicenomore]

Dont worry about using a lame opener....

"Hey , Hows is it going " is a good opener , but my answer is thats its a more of an opener for friends...

anyways if you want to change it.. you can always say:
El: Hey , Hows it going?
Hb: Good
El: How good???? this good , This good or THIS good (show different distances with your hands)

The moot point is not what you speak but what you convey. Verbal communication is only 7%of total communication.

Plus , you dont have to get her no at the first instance. Its not a bar or a club , where you will not see the chick again...Its high school...she'll come to school tomorrow too....

dont worry about her guy friends. Focus on yourself...

 

[SucceedSocially]

A different opener may be good, but it could just be your anxiety manifesting itself. If you're really just nervous to approach, your mind starts worrying about everything that could go wrong. You can end up self-sabotaging yourself because you can always conveniently think of an excuse to put off approaching, but at the core it's just a way to avoid something that makes you anxious.

The only way to get over that kind of nervousness is force yourself to approach enough times that you get used to it...

Also, what you say isn't that important, it's more about the context. If Brad Pitt went up to a girl and said, "How's it going?" he'd be fine. If a creepy old man said the same thing, it'd be bad.

 

[ElStud]

A different opener may be good, but it could just be your anxiety manifesting itself. If you're really just nervous to approach, your mind starts worrying about everything that could go wrong. You can end up self-sabotaging yourself because you can always conveniently think of an excuse to put off approaching, but at the core it's just a way to avoid something that makes you anxious.

The only way to get over that kind of nervousness is force yourself to approach enough times that you get used to it...

Also, what you say isn't that important, it's more about the context. If Brad Pitt went up to a girl and said, "How's it going?" he'd be fine. If a creepy old man said the same thing, it'd be bad.

I see. But in that same context, a random guy approaching her with that might be bad too.

 

[Distant Light]

nicenomore, hits it right on the head

The opener doesn't matter one bit. The only thing you should be focusing on when opening is your "VOICE" and "Eye contact". Don't go in speaking like a bitvh that is scared to talk to girls. Anything will open because the opener is just to start conversation. If anything matters about the words would be after the opener.

Say you got an opener that was considered "The best" opener. When the opener ends...what will you say?

One way to get over "WHAT TO OPEN WITH" is to pick a random word and use that word in your opener. Or what I did, is when I see a girl think of the first crazy thing you can possibly do. My craziest is probably embracing a girl from behind saying "O yea baby stay right there mmm..." an you know what it opened because I was congruent, my voice was "Certain" and "fun/playful". (There was no eye contact because I was behind her)

So longs you think what your saying is good then it will overall be good, because a girl is just seeing how you act and who you are. If you think your stories are lame then it will be lame.

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

Possible scenario:

You: Hey hows it going?
Her: good, how are you?
You: Great, hey I saw you running track yesterday, what event do you do?
Her: (what ever she does.)
You: Thats cool, how long have you been doing it?
Her: blah blah blah.
You: How did you get started?
Her: blah blah

And take it from there. Its easy asking girls questions about themselves cause they love to talk about themselves. Maybe you can relate with her in some way and get another topic going.

 

[nicenomore]

Possible scenario:

You: Hey hows it going?
Her: good, how are you?
You: Great, hey I saw you running track yesterday, what event do you do?
Her: (what ever she does.)
You: Thats cool, how long have you been doing it?
Her: blah blah blah.
You: How did you get started?
Her: blah blah

And take it from there. Its easy asking girls questions about themselves cause they love to talk about themselves. Maybe you can relate with her in some way and get another topic going.

yeah but just dont always ask her questions...you arent having an interview....allow the pauses , and when ever you find commonalities speak in "WE"......plus start using statements(this is a gold tip from juggler)


Thanks Distant Light
Another thing to add , focus on your body language ...dont be closed off , like crossing your hands in front of your chest...also dont approach her at squarely, have a slight angle.......Rest , as Distant Light rightly said , focus on your voice and eye contact...

plus NEVER lean in , talk loudly if the need be , but dont lean in....


Plus as succeed socially said , dont hope for it to go perfect , nothing ever is perfect....so just roll in ..As Sinn rightly has said , "dont focus on your past , dont focus on what the future might be , focus on NOW , and just let it roll"

 

[dot]

yeah but just dont always ask her questions...you arent having an interview....allow the pauses , and when ever you find commonalities speak in "WE"......plus start using statements(this is a gold tip from juggler)


Thanks Distant Light
Another thing to add , focus on your body language ...dont be closed off , like crossing your hands in front of your chest...also dont approach her at squarely, have a slight angle.......Rest , as Distant Light rightly said , focus on your voice and eye contact...

plus NEVER lean in , talk loudly if the need be , but dont lean in....


Plus as succeed socially said , dont hope for it to go perfect , nothing ever is perfect....so just roll in ..As Sinn rightly has said , "dont focus on your past , dont focus on what the future might be , focus on NOW , and just let it roll"

never lean in?? wtf?

 

[nicenomore]

never lean in?? wtf?

dude...never lean in ..cuz....you show supplication....this is called pecking....

speak loudly...this will show confidence in your voice....

 

[dot]

dude...never lean in ..cuz....you show supplication....this is called pecking....

speak loudly...this will show confidence in your voice....

so u never lean in for a kiss or try to get closer?:crazy:

 

[nicenomore]

so u never lean in for a kiss or try to get closer?:crazy:

use your freakin' head dude.......apply common sense.

 

[dot]

whatever **** rules hahaaaa

 

[nicenomore]

rules are never rigid...dot....

they can be broken...