Nerves on first dates

[viking22]

For some reason I always get really bad nerves on first dates. This usually makes for painful first dates with a lot of awkward silences. I freeze up, shake like a leaf and generally cannot relax and vibe with the girl.

This is particularly a problem if the girl is quiet and if we don't really have an instant connection.

Obviously if Im having a string of dates then the nerves reduce a bit. But that is kind of time consuming and whenever I have a relationship so leave the dating game, Im back to where I started.

I was thinking perhaps the traditional first date-drinks and dinner is perhaps a bad match for my personality. I don't really like talking about myself to complete strangers and I need to get comfortable being with someone until I open up and enjoy conversing with them.

So I was thinking of different types of bonding activities.....perhaps action dates, trips to art galleries or markets, even going to a movie

I think a lot of the anxiety comes from finding things to say and feeling the social pressure that comes from awkward silences. So that would be a way around it.

Any other advice related to this problem would be much appreciated.

And yeah I know the basics of conversation....asking questions and trying to get her to talk about herself and that can work when the girl is very talkative but there are a lot of girls out there who seem to be nervous on dates and don't talk much

 

[Aazman]

your thinking of this like a set list of things you need to do.

First realise that you will make mistakes. So any date you go on- Doesn't matter.

Go to a date- make a prat out of yourself. See where you go wrong. Some girls will like you enough to give you a second date.

Experiement. YOur nerves are there because you are afraid of failure. Go fail. Then come back.

There is a famous story of Norse mythology of a famous king:

He had been at war with his neighbours for years, and 7 times they had attacked, and 7 times they failed. He was sat in his room, and saw a spider making a web. He noticed it had difficulty trying to climb a table, and it kept trying but never succeded. In fact it tried 7 times. Finally on the 8th, it got up onto the table.

If you need more help, PM me. However do not ask me, till you have gone on these dates.

 

[scorpio1138]

I was always nervous for the first few minutes of a date. I remember the first lunch date I had in a long time with this smoking hot Ukranian woman. She was running late. I was so nervous I thought I was going to have a heart attack!

anyways, what I did to fix this problem was not think about the date at all. keep it out of your mind and if you do think about it, tell yourself you are just meeting a new friend. Keep the expectations down to the ground. expect nothing from it.

It will take awhile before you are able to get it this way, but it will happen.

I've gone on 10 dates with new ladies this year and not been nervous in any of them. feels great!

 

[Aazman]

scorpio it's easy to say not think about a date, but his thinking- is a mind set. Not something you can change. very easily.

and even if you have had 10 dates- how many have been successful? the numbers is not important its what you take from each one and how many were successful.

and scorpio- thinking your meeting a friend promotes- "friendly" behaviour- NOT something you want.

With all due respect scorpio i know your giving him words of encouragement, but these will not give him anything good.

as for expectations- think and you shall become. SO think pessimistically- and you will always be dirt. Think you are great- and you will act it.

Say I am DON JUAN. Say it, believe it. And you shall become it.

 

[Oxide]

Have a shot of alcohol, have a back up plan if she doesn't show up, be chilled and cool when she does, but not in the douchebag way, show her that you are a normal guy, and make sure to test her a bit

 

[Jariel]

In February I found myself back on the dating scene for the first time in 5 years and felt exactly the same as you. I had some horrible dates due to nerves and on one date I had a small panic attack. She even commented some time later about how tense I was that night.

However, I found that the more numbers I got and the more options open to me the less tense I became on my dates. I realised I'd been putting too much pressure on myself to say/do the right thing because I really wanted my date to work out. Once I had more prospects I cared a lot less. Even when I really liked the girl I was dating I knew that if it failed I would just move on to someone else. It stopped me getting nervous pretty quickly.

I also went on a date with a girl who said she was nervous about meeting me. I suggested we just meet up for a non-date, as though we were mates catching up over a drink or two. It worked great. I was not even slightly nervous as I didn't worry about when/if to kiss her, flirting or anything. I just acted as I would around my mates. Some would worry about this leading to the friend zone, but the exact opposite happened and she couldn't wait to go on an official date.

I'm sorry that I have no trick or quick fix to share, but if you can stop caring so much about the date being a success or making the right moves it will make a big difference.