Living out of fear vs. Out of desire
First shot at creating the topics i want to see
For those who don't know, i'm a big introspector; if i see a twinge or something that doesn't feel right i look deeper into it and i always like to know the origin of things
I've spent a long time trying to control what's outside; people's reaction, how people at school are treating me, making sure i do what girls like.
i did this to prevent the things i don't want to happen from happening; i was mostly thinking about rejection or someone else being rejected when i was out with peeps
Part 1
Fear of rejection or approach anxiety as some like to call it. Popularly it's believed that fear of rejection happens because you were rejected or a bad experience...i've felt, when i looked inside for a meaning for it, that fear is something else than hurt.
Part of this i felt, i don't remember when exactly, but i was afraid of something bad happening and when it happened i was like "that's it ?!"
You can't prevent hurt, so it's a moo-point in my opinion when you say that you have anxiety coz something happened to you...in my opinion anxiety or fear occurs as a reaction to hurt or perceived hurt
when i looked closely at fear i've noticed that my whole body is tense and contracted; closed down, to put it in words. That my attention is only on what could go wrong or how i would get hurt
Especially in rejection; it feels like i try to control rejection by controlling what i do. Meaning that i connected rejection to something i did or felt and every time i feel like doing something or feel something i remember rejection (ex: shame/punishment & sex/porn)
So, in attempt to prevent rejection/hurt, every time a feeling or an impulse that was/could be rejected happens i divert my attention from it and pretend like i'm not feeling it
That's what i wanted to talk about
Most of what i noticed who try to solve issues or fears they focus a lot on the object of fear as opposed to fear itself (the contraction)
This slight contraction manifests itself as not knowing what to say, doing something different from what you SHOULD have done or feeling a compulsion to do something or avoid doing something.
Now, what you do is irrelevant if the same feeling is still there; coz the action would still be from the same intention or center
Basically; in resisting something or preventing it from happening you're resisting a feeling inside or a desire. running away from it would be a better description...
Negativity exists outside but there's a difference between an event and how we respond or how our feelings respond (in terms of feelings, not action)
So i propose a shift of focus...
Shifting your focus away from doing/not doing something, from what would/could/should(n't) happen to the feeling that's already there inside you
Focus more on opening that contraction or that tense part that resonates with the memory or as some like to put it, making peace
i'll be honest, i'm still testing this but what i'm trying to do is, when the thought or feeling comes...instead of taking evasive or offensive action you totally open to it; feel it completely.
my theory is after going through and accepting the hurt & rejection, i can tap into the desire itself that was behind my action before it was rejected
and so using that instead of fear to judge things
And so, achieving the goal of being a man who lives out of his desire & love, not fear
First shot at creating the topics i want to see
For those who don't know, i'm a big introspector; if i see a twinge or something that doesn't feel right i look deeper into it and i always like to know the origin of things
I've spent a long time trying to control what's outside; people's reaction, how people at school are treating me, making sure i do what girls like.
i did this to prevent the things i don't want to happen from happening; i was mostly thinking about rejection or someone else being rejected when i was out with peeps
Part 1
Fear of rejection or approach anxiety as some like to call it. Popularly it's believed that fear of rejection happens because you were rejected or a bad experience...i've felt, when i looked inside for a meaning for it, that fear is something else than hurt.
Part of this i felt, i don't remember when exactly, but i was afraid of something bad happening and when it happened i was like "that's it ?!"
You can't prevent hurt, so it's a moo-point in my opinion when you say that you have anxiety coz something happened to you...in my opinion anxiety or fear occurs as a reaction to hurt or perceived hurt
when i looked closely at fear i've noticed that my whole body is tense and contracted; closed down, to put it in words. That my attention is only on what could go wrong or how i would get hurt
Especially in rejection; it feels like i try to control rejection by controlling what i do. Meaning that i connected rejection to something i did or felt and every time i feel like doing something or feel something i remember rejection (ex: shame/punishment & sex/porn)
So, in attempt to prevent rejection/hurt, every time a feeling or an impulse that was/could be rejected happens i divert my attention from it and pretend like i'm not feeling it
That's what i wanted to talk about
Most of what i noticed who try to solve issues or fears they focus a lot on the object of fear as opposed to fear itself (the contraction)
This slight contraction manifests itself as not knowing what to say, doing something different from what you SHOULD have done or feeling a compulsion to do something or avoid doing something.
Now, what you do is irrelevant if the same feeling is still there; coz the action would still be from the same intention or center
Basically; in resisting something or preventing it from happening you're resisting a feeling inside or a desire. running away from it would be a better description...
Negativity exists outside but there's a difference between an event and how we respond or how our feelings respond (in terms of feelings, not action)
So i propose a shift of focus...
Shifting your focus away from doing/not doing something, from what would/could/should(n't) happen to the feeling that's already there inside you
Focus more on opening that contraction or that tense part that resonates with the memory or as some like to put it, making peace
i'll be honest, i'm still testing this but what i'm trying to do is, when the thought or feeling comes...instead of taking evasive or offensive action you totally open to it; feel it completely.
my theory is after going through and accepting the hurt & rejection, i can tap into the desire itself that was behind my action before it was rejected
and so using that instead of fear to judge things
And so, achieving the goal of being a man who lives out of his desire & love, not fear
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