Negative Emotion vs Money

[Desdinova]

I've reached an odd stage in my divorce. First of all, I didn't initiate it, she did.

What I know about my ex is that money is a huge motivational factor. When she has no money, she does things (usually dumb things) to acquire it. I'm fairly certain that's why there's been no mention of divorce until almost 3 years after we split up. She needed money and since divorce is a cash cow for so many women, she decided to try it.

She went for all kinds of stuff: child support, retroactive child support, full custody, half the house, etc. She didn't get any of it. All I offered her instead of another case conference and getting the house evaluated was $5k of my retirement savings. She jumped at it. A rough draft of the divorce agreement was done up.

So I was fine with the divorce agreement, but she was not. We went back and forth with changes, costing a fortune every time the agreement was changed. The last sticking point for her was something she wanted removed from the minutes of the case conference. I refused to alter that.

So now we're at a standstill, and have been for months. She occasionally mentions that she wants to finish the divorce, but I've heard nothing from my lawyer. I have a feeling the only reason she want to finish it now is because her bf is pushing for marriage. She told me that once she gets the 5k from me, she'll be giving it to her mom to help reimburse her for paying for the divorce. She also mentioned that the lawyer told her that if we could not agree on the agreement, we would need to have another case conference which she does not want (she apparently felt like throwing up while at the courthouse.)

So to summarize, she's having a debate between getting the $5 or having negative emotion from another case conference. That's why it's at a standstill.

I now have to make a decision whether I want to finish the divorce or not.

Pros to finishing the divorce:
- I don't have it hanging over my head anymore
- Costs will be wrapped up and I can actually plan with my money instead of saving it for potential divorce costs

Pros to leaving it at a standstill:
- My retirement savings continue to get invested, making me more money
- Costs nothing
- Divorce issues become more irrelevant over time and have less impact in front of a judge

Any thoughts on what I should do here?

 

[corrector]

I now have to make a decision whether I want to finish the divorce or not.

Pros to finishing the divorce:
- I don't have it hanging over my head anymore
- Costs will be wrapped up and I can actually plan with my money instead of saving it for potential divorce costs

Pros to leaving it at a standstill:
- My retirement savings continue to get invested, making me more money
- Costs nothing
- Divorce issues become more irrelevant over time and have less impact in front of a judge

Any thoughts on what I should do here?

Sounds like some contradictory pros and cons here. You said your retirement savings continue to be invested (although you are implying you may take those savings for potential divorce costs) and it costs nothing to continue.

Personally, I would keep this in limbo indefinately to spite her other relationship. If you can't have her, why should anyone else?

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Des,
At five Grand,you are getting off lightly....Offer six for a quick settlement!

 

[Desdinova]

Scaramouche: everything's been settled. It's all in the agreement. She just wants something removed from the minutes of our meeting in front of the judge. I have no doubt that the judge will favor leaving it in there. It's not even part of the divorce agreement.

Corrector: I'm not using my retirement saving to pay my legal fees. I offered it instead of money from the house. If I leave that 5k in there longer, it keeps getting invested. I pay my legal fees with my personal savings.

 

[zekko]

I didn't realize your divorce wasn't finalized yet. Yikes. Personally, I would rather have it over with as quickly as possible, but it sounds like she is the one holding things up.

Regarding the emotions, my ex-wife was the same way. She got so upset the day of the divorce that she decided to forego the hearing and just take what I offered. So I never actually had to go to court. Like ripping off a bandaid.

 

[speed dawg]

Is this a joke?

Dude, get rid of the divorce. Get it over with and move on.

 

[Desdinova]

You should make certain that she is not entitled to anything you are earning right now while you are not yet divorced.

She isn't. Again, everything's been settled except for her desire to change the minutes.

Dude, get rid of the divorce. Get it over with and move on.

I'm not the one who's stalling. She's been saying she wants to finish it for months, so I've told her, "Well, finish it then!" I was happy with the entire divorce agreement three updates ago. This is coming from a woman who's never finished anything in her life.

In the short run it may cost you a little more, but your time is your #1 resource (and can be used to earn that money back).

I've been stuffing money away in the meantime because I'm not paying for a lawyer right now. My retirement money increased by $1k since this thing's been on hold. The longer she puts it off, the more I'm benefiting from it.

 

[SecondHalf]

I would get it over with yesterday!

However ... what was it that she wanted removed from the minutes?

Does she still want it removed?

I'd want it behind me lest the BF or the next rich BF funds her to resume the case and try to change everything you've gained so far. I have no idea if this is possible btw, but it would make me nervous.

Regardless, you need to get rid of this. It may be subtly bothering you and you're not even aware of it.

SH

 

[Kailex]

Finish Her!

Fatality.

Flawless Victory.

 

[Warrior74]

Yah pay em to leave bro.

 

[disgustipated]

Why does she even get 5k? It's sickening a woman nowadays can ask for anything along the lines of alimony unless she forgone working on the husbands request....or child support if she makes a certain amount. If she chooses to divorce then she should get ZERO child support outside of physical/emotional abuse. REAL abuse. Your new hubby won't work? You wanna divorce, no.child support!!! You left getting no support you continue getting no.support....screen harder next time. You wanna be equal, well makes typically don't get child support or alimony...take it off the books!!!! Wanna be equal? Let's be fuuucking equal then!!! None of this having it both ways shiit. Hey, maybe feminism in its truest form ain't so bad afterall. Just wish they'd not cherrypick.

Marriage,.what a risk. I truly understand that statement now.

 

[sodbuster]

depends on how much it bothers her. My ex hated being out of control.... and with the Divorce, she was. I drug it out a bit but only a couple months.

 

[Desdinova]

Why does she even get 5k?

It was an offer I made during the case conference. The biggest sticking point for her was the house. I had it valued lower than my mortgage. Her and the judge weren't believing the value and wanted to get the house re-evaluated, have another case conference, etc. The $5k would have costed me less in the long run, so I put it out there and she accepted.

 

[zekko]

If she chooses to divorce then she should get ZERO child support outside of physical/emotional abuse. REAL abuse.

The problem with this idea is that you would have women all over the country exaggerating every argument and accusing thier husbands of abuse, just so that they can get the bigger payout. I'm sure this happened a lot more before the no fault divorce came about - along with accusations of infidelity and such.

No fault divorce isn't an ideal situation either (it encourage divorce, IMO). But at least it doesn't reward a woman for trying to prove that the guy abused her, which could seriously tarnish his reputation.

 

[disgustipated]

That's fine, I would love that except you put a HUGE fine on if the claims go unfounded, and possible jail time for outright false allegations. And burden of proof is on the accuser.

Should nip a lot of that in the bud.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Lying to any court about anything, whether through spoken testimony or court filings you sign, is felony perjury. But you can see how little they pursue that in family law courts.

Props to you Des, for having so much patience for so long. I would have been doing mean sh!t a long time ago just to fvck with her, like trying to screw up her current relationship.