Needy vs. Less Needy Women

[samspade]

This has been on my mind and wanted to get your thoughts. The past two LTRs I've had have involved extremely needy women, the type who don't seem to like to be alone - ever. (Unless they have some prescheduled task to complete, and even then.) It's warped my perception a bit and made me annoyed with relationships and women, but for almost the opposite reason you usually see around here.

I like my alone time, and get tired of hanging out with people. I'm very independent and solitary in many ways. I get lonely like everybody else, but I'm also outgoing and can meet people easily. This can't just be a male vs. female thing even though I know men are more like this.

Needy women seem great at first because they seem selfless and show a lot of interest. It's good for the ego. After time, though, the guilt games begin. They take it personally that you want to be alone or don't want to talk.

I know not all women are like this. I've seen other couples that have healthy space between them. I used to think of these women as too Westernized and masculine because they had a sense of healthy independence. Now, I'm not so sure.

The flip side is if a woman is less needy, it might put the man in a position of neediness himself. That's a natural thing, but I'm fairly experienced and red pill, so I don't see that as a hazard.

I'd like to hear your insights and experiences. I think above all else, if I am to take ownership, it's that I'm not great at establishing boundaries, or properly screening for this. Experience is a good teacher...

 

[The Duke]

I've experienced every type of woman across the spectrum. There are pro's and con's to all needy/independent women. Really the best solution is to experience different personalities and figure out what works for you.

As for a needy girl, you won't ever be able to truly establish a "hard" boundary for the purpose of keeping her neediness in check. It will make her feel like you don't care and then resentment sets in and the hostility comes out. It's like certain breeds of dogs and their personalities.......you can't expect a German Short Haired Pointer to not have an abundance of energy and be happy living in an apartment all day. I don't care how well trained that dog is and how firm the boundaries you create. However over time, if you help her work on controlling her neediness and identifying the things that trigger her, you can make progress. Most the needy girls I've experienced were always submissive, sweet, big hearts, pleasers, caring, focused on me. I find those traits very attractive so I have to balance the good with the bad. You also have to work on yourself and determine how you let something negative(her neediness) effect you.

For the more independent minded women, it seems they are always less drama. They tend to be more rational, less emotional, and more independent. Working thru problems is far easier. They are more accepting of constructive criticism. They don't get butt hurt as easily. However, they are more stubborn, selfish, strong minded, not as nurturing. They need even stronger men. You better be highly independent and strong yourself to keep one of these happy in the long run.


The simplest way I know of to initially filter is by career type.

The independent women I've dated had these jobs:
-School System Superintendent
-Exec Vice President
-Marketing Vice President
-Marketing Manager
-Lawyer

Half Needy/Half Independent:
-Nurse
-Realtor
-Dental Hygienist
-Doctor's Office Manager

The needy women I've dated had these jobs:
-Data Entry/Analysis
-Pharmaceutical/Medical Sales Reps( I love these girls, they are always hot and are professionals at charming men. They practice it all day long with their jobs)
-Hair Stylist
-Strippers lol

Identify women you have known(girlfriends, moms, sisters, grandmas, etc) and reflect on their level of neediness and how well you were attracted to them mentally.

Ask them what kind of guys they dated in the past and what they prefer to date and why. This will help you pinpoint their level of neediness.

The more independent ones will be more open and willing to share their opinions and shed light into how they think. Independent/strong minded people care less about how you perceive them. Needy/insecure people care a bunch and are cautious with what they offer up. You can judge the people on this forum the same way.

Go thru their social media. The selfie queens are always highly needy.

Don't act any different during the initial phases of dating as you are after the relationship loses the new car smell. The best filter is to be yourself from the start.

As with any relationship, it is very important to set firm boundaries/expectations from the start. There is no putting the cat back in the bag with women.

 

[Alvafe]

did find one who was needy, serious its annoying lol, the craving for atencion is tiresome, I also did find some who was chill to the extreme, its become annoying too since you need to start everything, its almost a non interest girl, only after you start she really want to meet, i'm also a loner I get too tired with dealing with people and like my alone time, but in both cases with both girls I find it annoying, so in the end its all about how much annoying a girl can be and how you can deal with it

 

[The Duke]

The Myers-Briggs personality test is an excellent and highly accurate tool to assess personality. I do it with pretty much every girl I meet. It will uncover a few of their quirks.

 

[samspade]

The Myers-Briggs personality test is an excellent and highly accurate tool to assess personality. I do it with pretty much every girl I meet. It will uncover a few of their quirks.

Do you do this over drinks on the first date?

 

[sazc]

My independent nature communicates disinterest to my partner. It's an assumption in his part because it's simply not true.

However, this disinterested assumption creates jealousy and/or insecure feelings as he assumes I'm not invested. I then typically experience male self sabotaging if the relationship. Starting fights, etc.

It's ridiculous because it all cold be solved with a few simple conversations but instead he acts out and gets destructive.

I'm cool with it all because I'm looking for someone who is self confident enough to communicate.

It's interesting to read all your experiences with women and know that the same sh1t happens with men.

 

[The Duke]

Do you do this over drinks on the first date?

lol, haha half drunk Howie and his date taking the Myers Briggs at a bar somewhere.....I might have to try that. It usually comes up before I ever go out with them. Some girls put it on their profile.

I do find that the most insecure/needy types typically know nothing about Myers Briggs and don't want to take the test. Like @sazc says, self confient people aren't afraid to communicate.

 

[Alvafe]

lol, haha half drunk Howie and his date taking the Myers Briggs at a bar somewhere.....I might have to try that. It usually comes up before I ever go out with them. Some girls put it on their profile.

I do find that the most insecure/needy types typically know nothing about Myers Briggs and don't want to take the test. Like @sazc says, self confient people aren't afraid to communicate.

need to look for this myers briggs

for comunication the main problem is the people say one thing and do other, remember what we always says here don't trust what they say but on what they do, if you had previous experience of girl distancing and showing little interest, what we are supose to do? funny enough its the same for the guy, if he is too cold she will think he only want her ass and nothing else

 

[resilient]

if you had previous experience of girl distancing and showing little interest, what we are supose to do?

If the the trail goes cold, go colder. . .

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Go colder by not intentionally ignoring her, cause if you do that your still thinking of her.

Go colder by minimzing to removing a priority on her. Use more time on your interests, goals and other people who celebrate your company.

 

[samspade]

Thanks guys. The irony is if MY interest is lower than hers, and she's needy (or even if she's not), it's been my experience that the girl tries harder for my attention. Which causes me to feel less comfortable. I tell you, finding a balance with these things is tough. That's why I thought maybe the problem was me and my boundaries. I have noticed, in accordance with mrgoodstuff's comment above, that relationships work best when both have goals and other interests, no matter what. They suffer when one or both is just standing in place.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Thanks guys. The irony is if MY interest is lower than hers, and she's needy (or even if she's not), it's been my experience that the girl tries harder for my attention. Which causes me to feel less comfortable. I tell you, finding a balance with these things is tough. That's why I thought maybe the problem was me and my boundaries. I have noticed, in accordance with mrgoodstuff's comment above, that relationships work best when both have goals and other interests, no matter what. They suffer when one or both is just standing in place.

I do believe coupled up folks should be a place of peace for each other and they should enjoy each other's company. They should have other outlets but ideally they will be part of each other's lives.