Needy vs Being assertive about what you want

[k01234]

So whether in a relationship or just dealing with girls in general, how are you assertive about what you want or feel you deserve without seeming needy?

to give an example, Lets say my gf gets out of class and goes straight to dinner with some friends without calling me to see if I want to go eat, even though she knows I'm going to be eating around the same time at that dining hall. In this case if I do nothing and dont mention it at all, i wouldn't be standing up for myself, correct? but then, if I do say something along the lines of "why didnt you call me", it seems like it would be too needy and AFCish.

Other examples are things like a girl not responding to texts, hanging out with her friends instead of you, etc.

 

[falconslax89]

So whether in a relationship or just dealing with girls in general, how are you assertive about what you want or feel you deserve without seeming needy?

to give an example, Lets say my gf gets out of class and goes straight to dinner with some friends without calling me to see if I want to go eat, even though she knows I'm going to be eating around the same time at that dining hall. In this case if I do nothing and dont mention it at all, i wouldn't be standing up for myself, correct? but then, if I do say something along the lines of "why didnt you call me", it seems like it would be too needy and AFCish.

Other examples are things like a girl not responding to texts, hanging out with her friends instead of you, etc.

id say if its your gf be assertive. let her know you wont put up with her ****...if threatening doesnt work act upon it. you will see a change if shes really into you. if its just some girl theres not much you can do shes probably just not that interested.

 

[Zaraza]

The situation you bring up is funny.

You are assuming that she needs to call you and invite you/allow you to be by her side 24/7. We are people. Do you call her every time you go kick it with your buddies?

If you say nothing, that doesnt mean your NOT standing up for yourself. I think there needs to be a different example.

Judge a man not by his words but by his actions. I believe in that saying, so its NOT what you say to her, its how you act. Maybe she wanted to have some time away from you?

Im only here to provide a different perspective. As you read and converse with other guys here, keep in mind that what looks great on paper or on forums, WILL NOT work with EVERY female.

 

[WC2]

The situation you bring up is funny.

You are assuming that she needs to call you and invite you/allow you to be by her side 24/7. We are people. Do you call her every time you go kick it with your buddies?

If you say nothing, that doesnt mean your NOT standing up for yourself. I think there needs to be a different example.

Judge a man not by his words but by his actions. I believe in that saying, so its NOT what you say to her, its how you act. Maybe she wanted to have some time away from you?

Im only here to provide a different perspective. As you read and converse with other guys here, keep in mind that what looks great on paper or on forums, WILL NOT work with EVERY female.

Agreed. We as men love to hold women to this double standard of 'call me whenever you go eat with friends' or something like that, while we do whatever the f*ck we want.

Yes, we can do what ever the f*ck we want and we should. No, we shouldn't be nosey and b!tch at our women when they go out on errands that they have no informed us about.

Now, if they are not telling you these things after, that may be different. It's important in a LTR to have communication, even it is after the fact. But you shouldn't be monitoring what your woman does 24/7 nor should she monitor you. And you NEVER, and let me say NEVER b!tch your chick out for something as minuscule as going to lunch with her friends. This is why women become b!tches and why women start to look into other men.

 

[Kailex]

I'm pretty sure it's a lose-lose situation if you even mention anything.
Don't you have dinner with other people or do you just eat with her all the time?

 

[k01234]

Agreed. We as men love to hold women to this double standard of 'call me whenever you go eat with friends' or something like that, while we do whatever the f*ck we want.

Yes, we can do what ever the f*ck we want and we should. No, we shouldn't be nosey and b!tch at our women when they go out on errands that they have no informed us about.

Now, if they are not telling you these things after, that may be different. It's important in a LTR to have communication, even it is after the fact. But you shouldn't be monitoring what your woman does 24/7 nor should she monitor you. And you NEVER, and let me say NEVER b!tch your chick out for something as minuscule as going to lunch with her friends. This is why women become b!tches and why women start to look into other men.

Thanks for replying. I see what you're saying - you don't want to be overly controlling, which is a sign of insecurity anyway, and getting angry over small stuff is definitely unhealthy.

I guess I'm talking more about the stuff thats on the borderline between normal and unacceptable behavior - things that aren't really a huge deal but are annoyances. Lets say she told you she didnt want to hang out because she needed to study, but then her girlfriends come over and she hangs out with them for an hour. It's not a huge deal or something I would get angry at her about, and I definitely wouldn't b!tch her out, but it is something that does bother me a bit.

In cases like this, would it seem like I was being needy if I voice my opinion, or is it better to just remain silent?

 

[Matt281]

The fact that you care is needy in itself. Don't you have anything you'd rather be doing that having dinner with her friends?