Needing others to verify me

[Dstructor]

Hey guys
It's been great hanging out here; the amount of guys offering some solid advice is awesome and i figured i should pop my question here

So...yea, i'm having a great time at college with a ton of friends, boys and girls, and spending time really busy doing what i love most (Street marketing, chilling, martial arts)

My question is although i'm surrounded by what i like i feel that when it comes to...how to put it, being present and IN my desire or emotions that i'm waiting for someone to do something or something to happen before i even accept it as part of me
Example: Waiting for a girl to like me before i admit how feel what for i like (whether it's her or another type of girl) OR Let's take sex; how i feel about my sexuality & desire is always attached to how others would react if they "found out"

So, in short i think the main idea is i'm waiting for others to accept me before i accept myself (and if i think they won't or actually reject something about me, i reject it myself)

I tried visualizing people accepting me (instead of being in my head making strategies to manipulate them) and it helps a little but doesn't quite stick; i, to an extent, figure out what i want but if a situation comes where it doesn't go well or perfect it's all over and i reject and try to hide that part

So, what i'm looking for and pursuing at the moment is a way or some advice (realizations, good posts,...etc) on accepting myself

Thank y'all in advance and i hope my contributions help as much as yours do for me

 

[Dstructor]

*BUMP*
Why the silent treatment ?

 

[magickarl]

I know how the silent treatment feels.

The thing to remember is that most of the time, women are not going to approach you and throw themselves at you with details of exactly how they feel about you. I know that it can be a tough and nervous experience "putting yourself out there" and whatnot. The important thing to remember is that you'll most likely never know if it's a possibility unless you try. Put more simply: You can't sink a shot if you don't throw the ball.

I know it probably sounds cliche by now, but try not to worry so much about it. The absolute worst thing that can happen is that you'll get turned down or looked at stupid. Believe it or not, it really does get easier to do the more often you try. In fact, some of the best advice I ever heard about getting over being concerned about how women feel about your feelings is to walk up to 20 random women who you don't think you have any shot at all with, and try to pick them up. Since you didn't think you had a chance anyway, there is really nothing to lose by asking them, and in a best case scenario, one of them might be surprised by your cajones and say yes.

Either way, do an inventory on yourself when you are finished. Are you still alive? Are all systems go? I can tell you ahead of time the answer is yes, and that the worst thing that is happened is that you've treated yourself to 20 learning experiences.


I hope that helped. If not, keep talking and I'll do what I can. I'll be up for a while yet

 

[WC2]

Wanting others to accept you before you accept yourself is rotten.

The matter of the fact is the ones who want to be accepted by others, usually are never accepted.

The brutal reality is that those who are accepted by others are the ones who are least looking for it. These people have their own identity and live their life on their terms.

It sounds to me like you're very reactive and you live on others terms. You wait for someone to act and you either follow or fight against it.

It's not till you start acting on your own beliefs will people start following you and trusting you as a stable person.

What do you like? Who are you? Who do you want to be?

Ask yourself these things. Write them down if you have to. Even if you're not that person at present and you want to be that person, write it down. Want to be the kind of guy who can walk up to someone he doesn't know and spark up a great conversation? Write it down.

Got it?

Good. Now go out and do it. I'm telling you the only way to take the bull by the horns is to do it. If you want to be something, just like any other profession, you go out and try again and again.

If you do it right, it should feel very natural. It should work very well. Because after all you want to be what you wrote down right?

I can spot reactive people in social crowds from light years away. They have no sense of who they want to be or what their direction is. Structure a direction and start driving in that direction. If you want it, you will get it.

 

[Dstructor]

Heh...
I was reading your post, WC2 when i realized how long it has been since i trusted myself to be the man i want to be...lol i feel like a 60 year old who just learned how to ride a bike and looks as happy as a baby

There's also something that sprung in my head a while ago; blaming myself for feeling bad (belief: It's my fault that i'm feeling bad or made others react in a certain way) and just realizing that i put so much pressure and control over how i feel was like "I've been through alot from others and mostly myself...take it easy champ "

I'll relax first and "take it easy" before i begin what you said. thanks for the input

PS: magickarl, i was talking in a more social sense; i've realized a long time a go that success with women doesn't really make me that happy