Neediness explained

[JohnyTheArrow]

When you are born you are totally dependent on your mother.If she neglects you - you die.As a child we are needy ... later in life, weak men, unused to harsh life we used to have ... wars ... femine ... hunger ... seek this ultimate comfort in other women.Modern life creates stress and they sooth themselves by looking for ultimate security feeling safe.

Now ... the harsh part.Why women are repelled by needy men ? Because if you behave needy you signalise 'Im another child'. And it is biggest subconcious red flag for a woman.She needs resources for herself and the children - not for you.
If you are needy you take time and energy from her, a resource she could spent on the children.

By being aloof and independent you signalise 'I wont need resources like time or care in the future, you can spent it on children'.

Deep down, we are nothing more than aware animals.Main reason for woman to exist is not to give you love or pleasure, its a honeytrap, but to forward genes into the future.The children are always the future - you are the past.

You are not her child.She doesnt love you like that.So ... when you act needy you walk into territory not for,you take place what is meant for children, and when she must choose between children and you, well, guess , who she will choose.
By being needy you signalise you will steal precious resources from potential future children.You will be burden and woman doesnt need a burden, she needs a comfortable pillar to sit on while she cares for offspring

 

[SgtSplacker]

I think women see men as kind of a product. What do people think about him? Is he a "real" man? Can he provide what I need? If everything lines up and the "product" is competitive then it's a green light. And by green I mean she is willing to give you a try and be seen in public with you. Someone obviously desirable like a Brad Pitt she'll blow in the back of glass van for all she cares, she's doing the right thing as accepted by her peers.

 

[Infern0]

It's certainly true. I have come to realize this recently as I was told by a psychologist that I was codependent.

It's a difficult thing to wrap your head around, but being aware of it is a start to fixing it.

The thing I think is that most "nice guys" are actually codependent.

It's usually down to utterly **** parenting, in my case I had a bpd mother and A father who was aways at the pub. So as a kid you learn to cope with the situation you are in by developing this character which is the basis of the "nice guy" it's fvcked up but really you don't have a choice. If you were any other way your life would be hell.

Sadly when you leave the home environment and go out into the real world you are woefully equipped for dealing with real relationships and also attracted to the familiarity of messed up women, bpds etc.

On top of that most women all say they want a nice guy blah blah.

It took me getting to my mid 20's and going through 2 bpd relationships the second which almost killed me to come to understand that there was something badly wrong and that's how I came to understand I was codependent and ended up here trying to change.

Correcting a lifetime of bad habits is hard work, especially when you are someone who didn't learn to have any real wants or needs of their own and was pretty much raised to be a support person for someone else.

Sucks brahs