need urgent advice, she's on her 2nd strike, should i respond?

[pete101]

this match.com girl flaked on our first meeting by cancelling.

i left it 2 weeks till today, cos she's a spoilt girl i know it's better to offer an immediate date spur of the moment thing so i text her today to come meet me later cos i was nearby.

she said 'haha you're funny im meeting a girlfriend for a beer now so cant though..'

i said 'i said to meet later not now i'm busy now, come meet me around 5 or 6, when you free?'

she sends back 'ok i'll let you know later'

as 5.40pm comes she texts me 'still drinking beer in a pub. haha. what u up to?'

i didn't respond yet cos i didn't know what to say whether to offer a time later today or to ignore or it or to tell her to let me know when she's done and if i'm free i'll make it.

40mins has passed and she sent me another text (obviously cos she was annoyed i didn't respond immediately) 'guess you are busy sweetie.. well there's always another time...'

she's trying to hint that we would have met if i'd responded sooner but that's BS cos she never gave me a firm time, so im not falling for it however i had this prepared:

'im having drinks with someone, i'll be free after for a bit but i need to go to x place later for a friends bday. let me know when you're done, if i'm still free i'll come meet you.'

because she sent that 2nd text it kind makes it look like i've panicked a response

what should i do now?

if i send that text above i may come across as too available and only sent it out of panic.

 

[pete101]

grrrr i think she was just using me for attention and pretending that we'd meet to get me to panic respond.

i did send that text above to say 'im having drinks with someone didn't hear my phone, i'll be free after for a bit but need to go x place later for a friends bday. let me know when you're done, if im not busy i'll come meet you'

she texts me back: 'yeah, maybe another time better enjoy your weekend'

f that, she's had her 2nd strike im not contacting her anymore.

i need to understand how this interaction went so i learnt from it, she never actually was gona meet me at 6 was she?

her 2nd follow up text of 'guess you are busy sweetie... there's always another time..'

was her annoyance cos i didnt respond swiftly and just a ploy to get me to respond with a fake hint of meeting up with me just to get me to respond and validate her right?

what would have been a better thing to do after the 2nd text from her? just ignore it and respond tomorrow?

at no point did it seem like she was gona meet me, but she tried to hint at it. i feel used.

this kind of scenario has happened before, but i guess is just symptom of low IL.

 

[Mike32ct]

this match.com girl flaked on our first meeting by cancelling.

Welcome to flake.com. It happens a lot.

i left it 2 weeks till today, cos she's a spoilt girl i know it's better to offer an immediate date spur of the moment thing so i text her today to come meet me later cos i was nearby.

she said 'haha you're funny im meeting a girlfriend for a beer now so cant though..'

i said 'i said to meet later not now i'm busy now, come meet me around 5 or 6, when you free?'

You gave her an offer and she didn't respond to it.

as 5.40pm comes she texts me 'still drinking beer in a pub. haha. what u up to?'

Sounds more like you are her text buddy, rather than a guy she is going to meet. See how she ignored your offer and didn't mention it?

i didn't respond yet cos i didn't know what to say whether to offer a time later today or to ignore or it or to tell her to let me know when she's done and if i'm free i'll make it.

40mins has passed and she sent me another text (obviously cos she was annoyed i didn't respond immediately) 'guess you are busy sweetie.. well there's always another time...'

she's trying to hint that we would have met if i'd responded sooner but that's BS cos she never gave me a firm time, so im not falling for it

I'll agree. She's trying to flip it around and put the blame on YOU for not meeting. Clever.

however i had this prepared:

'im having drinks with someone, i'll be free after for a bit but i need to go to x place later for a friends bday. let me know when you're done, if i'm still free i'll come meet you.'

because she sent that 2nd text it kind makes it look like i've panicked a response

what should i do now?

if i send that text above i may come across as too available and only sent it out of panic.

I wouldn't send it. Try again in a few days if you want, but it is a long shot. Trying again today will look really needy IMO.

I didn't see your second post until now...

 

[Mike32ct]

grrrr i think she was just using me for attention and pretending that we'd meet to get me to panic respond.

She wanted to see how much you want her, just for the ego boost.

i did send that text above to say 'im having drinks with someone didn't hear my phone, i'll be free after for a bit but need to go x place later for a friends bday. let me know when you're done, if im not busy i'll come meet you'

she texts me back: 'yeah, maybe another time better enjoy your weekend'

While I wouldn't have sent that text, I doubt it made any difference. She never responded to your prior offer or gave you a clear counteroffer.



f that, she's had her 2nd strike im not contacting her anymore.

Good move.

i need to understand how this interaction went so i learnt from it, she never actually was gona meet me at 6 was she?

Correct, she wasn't.

her 2nd follow up text of 'guess you are busy sweetie... there's always another time..'

"I guess you are busy sweetie" = "To bad you aren't gonna be my text buddy to keep me company at the bar"

"[T]here's always another time..." = "I know I'm flaky, but I'll deflect the blame on you because it was short notice. Plus, I can give you a vague offer of another time, rather than flat out reject you or give you a genuine offer to meet."

was her annoyance cos i didnt respond swiftly and just a ploy to get me to respond with a fake hint of meeting up with me just to get me to respond and validate her right?

Three answers: yes, yes, and yes lol.

what would have been a better thing to do after the 2nd text from her? just ignore it and respond tomorrow?

Yeah, that would have been a bit better. But honestly, I think it was already a lost cause because of HER, not you. This is because she cancelled your first meeting without trying to set up another.

I don't think you would have saved this one with some particular game-like chess moves.

at no point did it seem like she was gona meet me, but she tried to hint at it. i feel used.

I've been jerked around by chicks that NEVER ended up meeting me. Trust me, it's not uncommon with online dating.

this kind of scenario has happened before, but i guess is just symptom of low IL.

Yeah, it's low to marginal IL, combined with her having many other options. Since they have so many options, a lot of women really don't take online dating seriously, even on pay sites like m at ch. It's AWing and maybe a few free dinners to them.

Update: I'm at my post limit for the day. I mean there is a chance she would have met you, but her interest level was still marginal at best because she didn't make a firm offer. She could have been more direct like, "Actually, I'm free right now. What are you up to?"

Her response was vague enough were it could also have just making conversation. But even if she was hinting at meeting (which is quite possible), do you really want a chick that MIGHT squeeze you into her schedule when she is REALLY bored?

I'd still move on.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Mike hit the nail on the head.

OP, your breakdown was actually pretty accurate as well.

This chick is using you as an ego stroke, you are a name in a little handheld device that gives her attention nothing more.

She had no intention of meeting you, the fact that you recognized this, yet still continued to text her is puzzling to me and makes you lose value in her eyes.

You are playing her game, instead of her playing on your terms.

Never good....

Delete her number, she isn't going to go out with you bro. On to the next one.






PIMP

 

[pete101]

I wouldn't send it. Try again in a few days if you want, but it is a long shot. Trying again today will look really needy IMO.

I didn't see your second post until now...

mike i made a big error.. i completely forgot to mention that after i said 'i didnt say to meet now i said later im busy now. come meet me around 5 or 6, when you free?'

i forgot to mention she wrote back 'ok i'll let you know later'

so she did respond to my offer BUT when the time came to it, she gave me some fluff message about still being in the pub and asking what i was up to'

with this new information could you go through what i said again as obviously what you wrote was on the assumption she didn't reply to the offer when she actually did. my mistake. i think it might not make a different though cos at no point was there a firm offer of when to meet.

does what i say above change things?

 

[Johnnyventana]

i forgot to mention she wrote back 'ok i'll let you know later'

Changes absolutely nothing. You must be able to see that no?

Obsessed.

 

[pete101]

Yeah, it's low to marginal IL, combined with her having many other options. Since they have so many options, a lot of women really don't take online dating seriously, even on pay sites like m at ch. It's AWing and maybe a few free dinners to them.

Update: I'm at my post limit for the day. I mean there is a chance she would have met you, but her interest level was still marginal at best because she didn't make a firm offer. She could have been more direct like, "Actually, I'm free right now. What are you up to?"

Her response was vague enough were it could also have just making conversation. But even if she was hinting at meeting (which is quite possible), do you really want a chick that MIGHT squeeze you into her schedule when she is REALLY bored?

I'd still move on.

it's frustrating cos in her profile she's looking for my ethnicity specifically that's why i felt i had a clean shot. problem is the first phone call was really bad and ended up talking for an hour. it's cos she's met 2 other guys from match and they didn't get on in person as they did in writing so she uses the phone call to see whether to meet the guy as she doesnt want to waste her time.

i think you're right that when she said she was in the pub and asking me what i was up to she may have been wanting to meet but my question is why didnt she actually say that rather than ask what i was doing, its like she was tryna find out whether i was sitting around waiting for her to contact.


i think in retrospect i should have texted 'im having drinks with someone, when you gona be free?'

faiiling that aftet her 2nd text of saying 'i guess you're busy' i dont really know what i would or should have said but it does seem like a ploy to get me to respond especially since she didnt even bother at the end to offer another time and just wants me to chase by giving me a vague 'we can meet some other time'

f that.