Need to change venues, but don't know where

[Bonhomme]

Until recently I was meeting lots of dateable women just doing what I enjoyed doing (mostly "indie/underground" music, art events, and such), but now I seem to be getting past my "expiration date" as far as meeting dateable women in such venues goes. I can still attact lots of women, but once they get to think about it, they bolt. Society's expectations.

I have no interest in attending events that do not interest me just for the sake of meeting women closer to my age. But it may come to that, as long as I find the stuff tolerable.

Where does a person with similar artsy/"indie" tastes to many 20something eccentrics meet 30-40something women?

It seems the women in my dating age range who are like me are all unavailable.

Before anyone suggests sarging online, I've been there and done that, with extraordinarily bad results. It does not play to my strengths, and my resume' is not in the same league as my ability to elicit attraction in person. Nowehere near the same league.

The alternative is tuning my game toward younger FBs (or not so young FBs), but younger gals seem to freak out when they get attracted to me, and I do think it comes down to their perception of what other people might think, since I can't pass for mid 20s anymore. How does one get past (or around) that, without the "instant justification" of very high status (rock star, film star, etc.)?

 

[Bonhomme]

An entire day and no responses. Everyone else must be fresh out of ideas too.

 

[WestCoaster]

I'm in the same situation, I've hit a major dating drought and the ones I've gone out with have been pretty marginal.

I'm too old for this sh-t ... I'm moving to a different city.

 

[Bonhomme]

I could probably meet some of the kind of women I'd get along with at "new age" sort of events, however silly I might think a lot of that stuff. One thing's for certain: a hailstorm of ****y & funny remarks would ensue.

 

[Bible_Belt]

You could take a class. Music, art, and liberal arts studies always have some female students. Learning new things goes well with meeting new people.

 

[SoCalMike]

How old are you? Because where I live there are a lot of women mid 20's to mid 30's who are into the indy/artsy scene. If you were to go see a band play here there'd be lots of women, but most of them go w/ their b/fs it seems.

I think the taking class idea is a good one, not just to meet women of course but the fact that you get to learn something cool. I'm going to take photography at the local community college.

I know it sounds cheezy but I'm also going to take a dance class - Argentine tango. LOL Should be interesting. But I like to dance and who knows maybe I'll meet some ladies. =)

 

[Bonhomme]

Funny, I took "beginner's" swing dancing classes a few years back, and there were more guys than gals. And it was hardly a beginner's class: most of the people were quite advanced. Weird to have to lead a gal who's way more advanced than you are, when you can't even remeber the bloody moves.

Taking a class? Not a bad idea, but it does cost money, and in my line of work (home inspections) it's not good to have evenings or weekends blocked out. I need to be available when my clients want the job done. Yoga might be good, but there are no classes anywhere near me (I'm in the hood). But I'm definitely interested in that, and I've heard the gals way, way outnumber guys in yoga classes.

 

[Bonhomme]

However, the intention of this thread was where to find women in a more random, everyday sense (not dependent upon who is in a class, or such).

I just caught the Buzzcocks last night (great show), and even though the original band members are 50ish, most of the people in the crowd were in their early 20s! ... with a fair percentage of people who appeared to be in their late 20s to 30ish (Brits might get a chuckle at how long it's taken punk rock to catch on here in the States) Most of the older people in the audience were well over 40, and accompanied by someone of the opposite sex. I see that at a lot of concerts. The in-betweeners must be at home tending to their young kids.

 

[MaddXMan]

If you like going to indie/art events and such, you should get to know people in the scene and make friends w/ them. Maybe try this instead of looking to meet new single women at events (or you can do both in conjunction haha). If you can get in with a new circle of friends in the scene then you stand a better chance of meeting that elusive "friend-of-a-friend" which works so damn well.

I recently did this mid-June - a local bar showcases alternative music. But early evenings they have other events before the bands, one night they had Texas Holdum and dollar beers. I went alone, and suck at that game, but sat next to a very social (and very large) woman who was great to talk to (and she was also in her 30's). Since we had similar tastes, I told her I need some friends to hang with, and got her number. I felt like I was kinda forcing my way into a circle, but later I called her and got invited to go out with her and her friends, who turned out to be mainly gay and bisexual (had to listen to one 24-year old talk endlessly about how she finally had an orgasm now that she was with a woman - umm, congratulations??)

They didn't mind having a straight guy hang with them and I had a great time, and at a party later that night got a number from a girl who invited me to come see her band (but it was an alternative folk outfit - ugh.) Didn't pan out but at least I got the chance because I tried something new.

 

[iqqi]

Bump. Good question.

 

[thedeparted]

Go to concerts and live shows. You can pickup scads of women. Age is no factor at all.

 

[Mr. Me]

Just the question I've been wrassling with too, or as a friend of mine put it better, "figuring out the solution to this problem".

Because it occurs to me that I don't see them around much either, and I wonder where they are. And I live near NYC, so you'd think out of the millions of people there, you'd find some!

Yet, when I have found them, I note that, despite their appeal and the density of population around them, they aren't meeting anyone either. They may be wondering where the men are too.

My latest thoughts are that the more desirable women, if they're single, are at home watching TV or out to dinner with their girlfriends or their gay friends. By "more desirable", I mean the classier, stylish, in-shape, attractive, intelligent fun ones.

They don't typically go to clubs, lounges, bars (unless they're out with friends). They're somewhat tired of the party scene, as it grows old, and don't want to meet loser alcoholic bar rats, which is what they peg guys must be who hang in bars.

I think some turn to online, but since the online crowd is mostly rejects, you have to see it like looking for a shooting star out of the entire constellation that makes an appearance briefly every now and then.

The problem with taking classes or joining a hobby group is you can't do that expecting to meet hot women. Chances are instead you'll meet several men and some fugly women and/or women in relationships, so you'd better be there because you're interested in what you can learn. Maybe you'll network with those folks and meet their friends, but they may be fugly too.

All that being said, I think the more attractive ones are to be found doing things like salsa dancing or going to concerts when they're out with friends.

So I think the best bet is to make friends and socialize and network. That also may be easier said then done, the next topic will be "where do I go to find new friends so I can get invited to parties so as to potentially be introduced to hot women in their circle?"

I'm trying meetup.com as a way of hooking up socially with different interest groups, and there also a number of singles functions. The premise is about getting together offline to "meet up" and do something that the group members share an interest in. That's hit or miss, but it affords new experiences and interaction with some new faces as new people attend these events, and if they're not AWs, then they're usually looking to meet someone.

I'm also working on doing a singer-guitarist act that I could do some open mics around town and see if I attract any women that way while I'm having some fun performing.

And no one has to know my age!

I'm interested in hearing some more answers to this question...

 

[joekerr31]

most 'indy' folks - who LOOK indy and live indy - especially if they are over 25, tend to live in downtown metro regions.

'subcultures' always congregate in the large cities. if you live out in the suburbs it gets really uncomfortable (I would imagine) being one of the few people with green hair and a tattoos all over your body.

most such people leave and head for the city in hopes of meeting people like them through the bar scene or whatever.

plus in the big cities you'll find niche businesses like coffee shops that serve coffee made from beans that a cat has eaten and sh*t out.

but seriously, there are always places that various subcultures frequent regularly.

or better yet, stop looking at folks as being part of any culture. there are some straight laced women who run the PTA who are secretly more non-mainstream that anyone would ever imagine.

 

[jophil28]

My latest thoughts are that the more desirable women, if they're single, are at home watching TV or out to dinner with their girlfriends or their gay friends. By "more desirable", I mean the classier, stylish, in-shape, attractive, intelligent fun ones.
...

Yes, this is the case, and it is a worry.

My only siggestion is to go back to the dance class scene. I have been active in Ballroom and Latin for about 20 years and I have access to more women than I can poke a stick at.
The trick is to try out a few different Studios in your city/ locale and find the one with the biggest beginner class.
Dance classes usually split up their students into two or three groups. Beginner, intermediate and advanced. You need to find one with a large beginner section. THis give you a place to 'hide ' while you are learning and also it gives you immediated access to a lot of women.

However go there also with a genuine desire to LEARN . I cannot begin to tell you how much of a social asset this is. Women just love dance guys.

If you just want to meet women sign up with one of those studios which sell multi week programs . THis means that you pay for a set course of instruction in advance. Usually 10-12 weeks. The advantage here is that the women who also take these set courses have PAID upfront and that guarantees that they turn up for their lesson EVERY week. It is easy then to 'open' a woman who is sure to be at the same class every Tuesday at 8pm for 12 weeks.

IF you go this route gimme a shout and I will tell you what to do and say and what to avoid in a dance class..

 

[edger]

My latest thoughts are that the more desirable women, if they're single, are at home watching TV or out to dinner with their girlfriends or their gay friends. By "more desirable", I mean the classier, stylish, in-shape, attractive, intelligent fun ones.

They don't typically go to clubs, lounges, bars (unless they're out with friends). They're somewhat tired of the party scene, as it grows old, and don't want to meet loser alcoholic bar rats, which is what they peg guys must be who hang in bars.

Mr. Me, are you serious? The type of desirable women you describe, are all over Manhattan. All over.

 

[Mr. Me]

Mr. Me, are you serious? The type of desirable women you describe, are all over Manhattan. All over.

Me and this other guy were talking about it the other day, we both work at home, and "home" isn't in the city. So, for us to meet such women, it's got to be at night, when we travel in, and that's where the tricky part comes in: where are those women then so that we can hone in on them?

Going to the bar at W or The Grand Hotel or whatever is hit or miss. Usually a miss.

IF you go this route gimme a shout and I will tell you what to do and say and what to avoid in a dance class..

Hey I appreciate that! PM me if you'd like.

FWIW, a new latin place opened near me and they feature a salsa band every weekend. Real good music! A few hardcore salsa aficionado couples show up plus a few chiquitas in groups out to dance. Gotta brush up on my steps!

I'm great with free style. Last summer, me and a gal pal were dancing to local bands out into the streets, gracefully swinging around lampposts a la Fred and Ginger and even doing some dirty dancing while lying on the sidewalk. Alcohol was involved, I'll admit. But it was lots of fun and amused the crowd. I got quasi-famous as "You're that dancer guy!" for a while wherever I went in town, got hit on by a few gals too because of that, and one night even got our picture in the local paper as we danced at a club. But those salsa steps, oh man, I keep messing up! 1,2, 3...4,5,6...

 

[Latinoman]

Yes, this is the case, and it is a worry.

My only siggestion is to go back to the dance class scene. I have been active in Ballroom and Latin for about 20 years and I have access to more women than I can poke a stick at.
The trick is to try out a few different Studios in your city/ locale and find the one with the biggest beginner class.
Dance classes usually split up their students into two or three groups. Beginner, intermediate and advanced. You need to find one with a large beginner section. THis give you a place to 'hide ' while you are learning and also it gives you immediated access to a lot of women.

However go there also with a genuine desire to LEARN . I cannot begin to tell you how much of a social asset this is. Women just love dance guys.

If you just want to meet women sign up with one of those studios which sell multi week programs . THis means that you pay for a set course of instruction in advance. Usually 10-12 weeks. The advantage here is that the women who also take these set courses have PAID upfront and that guarantees that they turn up for their lesson EVERY week. It is easy then to 'open' a woman who is sure to be at the same class every Tuesday at 8pm for 12 weeks.

IF you go this route gimme a shout and I will tell you what to do and say and what to avoid in a dance class..

If I didn't have a girlfriend and such a busy schedule...that would be my venue: Dancing classes. The best way to actually meet women, IMO.


I have been lucky that most of the women I have met have been via public transportation in the big city.