Need the Ballz to Dump GF and MOVE ON

[jamesw2010]

I'm 22 and have been dating a girl for the past 3 years. We've essentially been exclusive (although I had a couple random flings).

There are several things now that are making me want to not see her anymore. I'm not as attracted to her as much physically (she's chubby and it's not coming off after nearly a year).

The biggest problem however is that lately she's turned into a whining b*tch. Because of my career and my education, I no longer have a lot of time to spend with her. Lately, I've been really busy during the week especially (work+studying), and then on the weekend I have more time but sometimes just want to spend some time with friends, alone, etc.

This has produced incessant complaining/discussion about how she doesn't feel as close to me when we don't get together as much, etc, etc.

But the fact is: I need to focus on developing my career right now because it's very important to me that I become successful.

She is not career-focused right now and has a lot more time to just "hang out," so I understand why she would feel frusterated. She doesn't try to dissuade me from going for my dreams, but she also isn't very supportive of all the hard ass work it will/does take. But I know that if I don't work my ass off right now and get my goals accomplished I won't achieve my dreams.

So after several weeks of this, I don't feel she's going to suddenly become understanding of the situation, and quite frankly, it's pissing me off when someone b*tches to me. To top it off, sex has dwindled significantly lately. Basically, her interest level goes up and down.

I feel that it is only a matter of time before she simply gets with another guy who has more time, etc, to spend.

The problem is that I'm having problems dumping her, and I think it's because I am attached to the fake sense of security I get by knowing that we're going out, not because I really like her all that much. Every time I say to myself that I'm going to cut it off, I end up seeing her again, it goes good for a while, and then complaining comes up again. Plus sometimes I don't like thinking that some other guy is going to start nailing her.

I was wondering if any of you guys have been in similair situations like this and can give me some advice. Or maybe you have some advice anyway that you can share. I realize this is an issue and it needs to be resolved.

Thanks

 

[wasted-nick]

It sounds like you're starting to resent her. It ain't easy, but you have to do it if you ain't feelin' it for her.

It sounds like you two have reached a crossroads. You are moving on with life and developing your skills - good for you. She sounds like an anchor that you have to drag around.

You owe it to yourself and her to move along if that's how you feel. Being alone at 22 ain't a bad thing... She'd probably get grass-is-greener syndrome on your a55 in time anyway. Good luck...

 

[judoguy]

hey man... i just got out of experiencing the EXACT same thing... I just want to let you know it does not get any easier. The *****ing continues, she will constantly talk to you about dieting and then you will see her eating gallons of ice cream the same week etc.

Also, breaking up after 3 years isnt easy. Your game will be off so it wont be easy to find other girls right away, she will be whining and begging for you back, and that someone you had to share things with.... something funny in the day, a new accomplishment.... will be gone. It seems like petty stuff now but its the stuff you miss that cannot be replaced by a random hook up or a boys night out.

I still say you need to dump her, but do not make the same mistake as myself and think once you dump her the floodgates of women will open for you....

On that note... it is nice to not have to call anyone, no whining, focus on your work etc.

Hornyness and loneliness are a ***** the first few months however

 

[todays_news]

welcome to a new chapter in you're life, because this one appears to be over.

As judoguy has, I have also been in the same position and I will agree that it does not get any easier in terms of your relationship.

Its best to accept its over, when this happened with my girlfriend the final straw went and I lost my temper and dumped her on the spot. Despite being insensitive, I took strength in the fact I had ended it. That luxury is yours aswell, because let me tell you, it'll feel ten times worse if she dumps you or worst case -cheats on you.

Horniness and loneliness are two things you can change when you break up aswell, you should keep that in mind and look forward to it.

Notice how I said when you break up with her? Its because the writings on the wall, any poster on here will tell you the same.

They say what doesnt kill you makes you stronger, and if it gets tough remind yourself that you'll be the hardest motherf*cker in town at the end of it all.

NEXT THAT B!TCH.

 

[L B]

Have you talked to her about your priorities. At your age, she needs to understand that your career comes first and she needs to be in support of that. If she doesn't, then someone else will come along and fill that role.

 

[jamesw2010]

Yes I've said exactly that my career comes first, and although she doesn't object to it, she's also not supportive of it. The fact of the matter is that I believe she feels threatened by it. And I can understand why. She knows that my access to hotter women will open up dramatically as I continue to better myself.

After thinking about it, it is clear that I just need to dump her and move on. It's not in my best interest to stay with her, and it isn't in her best interest either.

I want to nail a ton of hot women, and she is only getting older every day. She feels threatened because she knows that she only has a number of years in which to find a guy to settle down with, have kids, etc. And honestly that appears to be her priority right now, not mine. Plus it literally scares the sh*t out of me to think that I will just continue dating this same person for the next few years especially when I have to consider all the b*tching and whining that would come along with it.

I'm staying with her right now because I don't want to lose the comfort of having someone there on an intimate level and NOT because I'm truly into HER as a person. I've realized this and I don't want to continue doing something that stems from personal insecurity.

 

[f283000]

1. When a woman puts on the weight and no longer seems to care that is the classic symptom of her being comfortable in the relationship: This is what happens when a woman thinks she has a good nice guy under her hook who isn't very demanding of her and he has no other options.

Because she feels like you got no other options and you aren't very demanding of her she doesn't need to put in the work to look good. She lets herself go, she is totally comfortable and happy with the relationship and knows you ain't gonna do sh*t.

In fact do you know when she will do something about it? When you leave her a$$. That's when she is going to have to put in the work again to look good again to attract men. But right now in her mind she has you under her hook so she is not worried.

You need to leave her ASAP. She is not going to change. I've seen dozens of cases like this in this forum and in real life. This is a irreversible situation and you know why? Because it shows that she has lost respect for you without showing you literal disrespect. She letting herself go is a sign of disrespect to you. If she really cared about you or was worried about what you thought if she were to turn fat she would have never gotten fat in the first place.

Another reason why you should leave her is because women will often try to trap good nice guys who seem to be career oriented with pregnancy. All your talk about your dreams and career will come to an end the day she tells you 2 words, "I'm pregnant." Women will go to great lenghts to hold on to a man and if they don't hold on to you they will at least get you for the child support, and ruin your life and crush whatever dreams you hoped of accomplishing.

 

[runner83]

f283000 said it right.

Remember, at the end of your life, looking back, would you have rather sacrificed all your dreams and stayed with this girl?

Or would you rather have left her, taking the short-term loss, so that you can move on, improve as a person, and probably end up with a better girl?

Your choice.

 

[jamesw2010]

Yes I agree that you guys are all correct on this.

The last time I spoke to her on the phone she even said how she feels that she wants to be with someone who feels like he'll marry her within a reasonable time period, and she is worried about continuing to spend time to date someone where it's not going in that direction.

And I've flat out said that I don't foresee myself ever getting married (don't fully think it's beneficial for a guy), and definately not within the next 10 years. I think this has been one of the main reasons for the problems that have been coming up lately.

To her that's problematic because she feels that she only has a few golden years where she will look the best, to attract decent guys who would want to get married. She really wants to get married, have kids, etc. Just thinking about marriage, kids scares the sh*t out of me.

This was our last discussion and so it basically ended on that note, and I think now I'm just going to stop all contact with her and let her go find someone who is more compatible with her objective to get married, etc.

In the beginning she was cool with just having a good time, not being long-term-focused, lots of sex, hanging out late, etc, and that's what I liked in the first place. Now it seems like she really can't continue to feel that close to me because she is ultimately seeking something else out of the relationship that isn't there right now.

It looks like she wants to open up a new chapter in her life and get more "serious."

 

[Alien]

I'm 22 and have been dating a girl for the past 3 years. We've essentially been exclusive (although I had a couple random flings).

There are several things now that are making me want to not see her anymore. I'm not as attracted to her as much physically (she's chubby and it's not coming off after nearly a year).

The biggest problem however is that lately she's turned into a whining b*tch. Because of my career and my education, I no longer have a lot of time to spend with her. Lately, I've been really busy during the week especially (work+studying), and then on the weekend I have more time but sometimes just want to spend some time with friends, alone, etc.

This has produced incessant complaining/discussion about how she doesn't feel as close to me when we don't get together as much, etc, etc.

But the fact is: I need to focus on developing my career right now because it's very important to me that I become successful.

She is not career-focused right now and has a lot more time to just "hang out," so I understand why she would feel frusterated. She doesn't try to dissuade me from going for my dreams, but she also isn't very supportive of all the hard ass work it will/does take. But I know that if I don't work my ass off right now and get my goals accomplished I won't achieve my dreams.

So after several weeks of this, I don't feel she's going to suddenly become understanding of the situation, and quite frankly, it's pissing me off when someone b*tches to me. To top it off, sex has dwindled significantly lately. Basically, her interest level goes up and down.

I feel that it is only a matter of time before she simply gets with another guy who has more time, etc, to spend.

The problem is that I'm having problems dumping her, and I think it's because I am attached to the fake sense of security I get by knowing that we're going out, not because I really like her all that much. Every time I say to myself that I'm going to cut it off, I end up seeing her again, it goes good for a while, and then complaining comes up again. Plus sometimes I don't like thinking that some other guy is going to start nailing her.

I was wondering if any of you guys have been in similair situations like this and can give me some advice. Or maybe you have some advice anyway that you can share. I realize this is an issue and it needs to be resolved.

Thanks

Hey James! I was exactly in the same situation as you. The only difference is that we`ve been together with my girl for 4 years. I left her about 2 months ago. She is chubby too ...i dont really know wtf is the problem with chubby girls, ...but let it be. She was doing her last year in the secondary school, so in september i told to myself that i will be supportive and i wont dump her this year ...but man! ...that sucked! It was a terrible year! I should have dumped her a long time ago.
But if you are in love(or you think you are in love, but in reality you just like her as a person ..not as a girl) you dont recognize when she is just using you and doesnt love you for who you are. You are just telling to yourself: it will change. ...and you are addicted to the sex too.
hey! an hour ago i was at a ...i dont know the exact english word for that. A village-festival or something ...so a big party(here now is late night 1:30). ...and she was there too. Maybe right now some idiot is banging her. ...but i dont give a fu.k, ...i had a very good time, and my last 2 months were far better without her. Now i have time for myself, my hobbies, my passions, my buddies.
Yeah, the first week without her was VERY hard. ...but sometimes you have to be strong and put your emotions aside. The decision is yours...

Um... sorry for the bad english, im a bit drunk right now and under the effects of caffeine. I hope i could help

 

[new_hotness]

Most of the time, being an AFC is not too bad: get in a relationship, stay in it indefinitely, get fat and lazy, get laid every once in a while. Not too bad.

But if/when things turn sour, it gets REALLY ugly, since AFC guy has few if any options.

Best thing to do, get in shape, remain socially and physically active even in a relationshp.

Girls will rarely tell you this sh1t so I will: they really resent when you get fat and out of shape. They know it keeps you docile (fewer options) and whipped, but they are cheating on your azz with guys like me if they see ANY daylight whatsoever.

 

[jamesw2010]

Most of the time, being an AFC is not too bad: get in a relationship, stay in it indefinitely, get fat and lazy, get laid every once in a while. Not too bad.

But if/when things turn sour, it gets REALLY ugly, since AFC guy has few if any options.

Best thing to do, get in shape, remain socially and physically active even in a relationshp.

Girls will rarely tell you this sh1t so I will: they really resent when you get fat and out of shape. They know it keeps you docile (fewer options) and whipped, but they are cheating on your azz with guys like me if they see ANY daylight whatsoever.

No doubt that is true, but in this relationship, I'm the one who is very good shape, so it's kind of the other way around.

 

[new_hotness]

Man, I read through OP and she has nothing going for her in your mind.

There is zero reason to stay. I can say with a completely clear conscience to dump her move on and feel not a split second of remorse or regret.

 

[jamesw2010]

Man, I read through OP and she has nothing going for her in your mind.

There is zero reason to stay. I can say with a completely clear conscience to dump her move on and feel not a split second of remorse or regret.

Yes she's a "good girl" type who doesn't care too much about the high things in life, but would just be satisfied with a decent, average life revolving around a husband, maybe working part-time, kids, and friends. Granted, I'm sure she'd "like" to have them, but it's not a big deal or a driving force behind her actions. This is one reason why she would have a hard time dealing with the sacrifices of being with a guy who is extremely ambitious.

I on the other hand abhor the idea of this "average" existence. To end up as a no-name in suburbia would not be an expression of who I really want to be.