Need the approval of girls to feel good about myself

[RestUnknown]

So what is this called? The typical nice guy syndrome or codependency?

The fact is that currently I feel like ****, I have no self-confidence, I can not hold a conversation with anyone. When there is silence, I think about what I could say,... It eats my energy. Most of the time I even don't want to speak, but I think I should say something just to come over as friendly.

In the rare occassions where I had a girlfriend or the leading up to it (texting me constantly, basically throwing themselves at me), I could take on the world. I owned the place sort of speaking. Put me with a stranger and I had the greatest conversations, talking went like nothing and the same with my confidence.

Of course if I could get to this state without girls, it would be awesome. But I'm only going downhill, over the last few years my social skills got worse, I feel more insecure (even though I worked out like hell and have a nice body in my opinion).

There is no doubt about it I have some light psychological/emotional imbalance. But I don't see a way out (without some girls throwing themselves at me).

 

[TheGambino]

This is quite normal, but the key is feeling good about yourself and They Will notice. Work on your inner game. Read articles about iT, so suave has many. Self acceptance is crap Work Work Work on yourself.

 

[Roober]

This is quite normal, but the key is feeling good about yourself and They Will notice. Work on your inner game. Read articles about iT, so suave has many. Self acceptance is crap Work Work Work on yourself.

Good stuff! Best thing I can add is make a plan with clear defined goals...

ie. 10% bodyfat by this date, earn 100k by this date, participate in a dance competition in december, etc etc...

 

[wifehunter]

see 'codependency'

 

[resilient]

My post is going to all over the place, yet I think will offer you some guidance you could use...

I would say more along the lines of codependency and low self-esteem (nice guy syndrome comes into play here).

Lack of a strong self-identity that is rooted in knowing yourself <=> codependency result.

OP, what I suggest is that you go after some killer hobbies that you can embrace 100% and dedicate yourself to. Pick many interests that you can research, develop your own skillsets, excel at and get to the point where you can teach others (from experience). This will help develop self-confidence tremendously as well as self-esteem that's been lacking. Having a good body from the gym, etc. is good, you need mental toughness though, bud.

Once you can develop those enough, you then, start to seek the approval from your own self and not the approval from others. Ask yourself, how can I beat my personal best at _? Do that. You want to impress yourself so you can measure your self-improvement. Not for the sake of impressing others or seeking female validation.

Example: I'm learning the guitar this year. I practice every single day and attend weekly lessons. I periodically record brief videos. I go back every now and then after weeks, months go by I observe the improvement in tone, hitting the notes accurately, timing, and speed of scales, etc. Notice: I'm observing these videos myself. I'm not blasting them on social media or video texting them to girls practically saying "Look at me! Look at me!" "Notice me, Senpai!"

In past relationships, I gave much of my power over to the other half to make decisions because I was weak in making them myself.

I grew up in a household where I was the youngest sibling, so I always deferred to my older siblings instead of stepping up to the plate to make my own decisions. I often took the easy way out in lazy thinking. This cost me tremendously later. I had holes in my self-identity because I didn't cultivate where I stood on matters that mattered. I've had to learn to really push myself hard and take risks to develop my own intuition.

Have you taken this forum's DJ Bootcamp? You may want to consider that if you find that you can't hold a conversation. I bet you can, you just need to have more faith in yourself and practice talking to everyone.

 

[Urbanyst]

Find a purpose.

A man without a purpose is lost, clueless and stands for nothing. When you stand for nothing.. you seek out validation from others. Very sad.

Get a goal, get a plan and find a passion. Then dedicate your life to seeing it come true or die trying. That's all any of us can do. But don't waste time in limbo worrying about your image and what WOMEN think. Women are pretty worthless in the grand scheme of things. They are like toppings on a pizza. If the pizza isn't good on its own.. the topping don't mean jack sh*t. LIFE is the pizza btw.

 

[switch7]

This is quite normal, but the key is feeling good about yourself and They Will notice. Work on your inner game. Read articles about iT, so suave has many. Self acceptance is crap Work Work Work on yourself.

Nah self acceptance isn't crap. Once you accept yourself you pursue the goals that 'YOU' want to pursue rather than the goals you think other people will be impressed by.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

There is no doubt about it I have some light psychological/emotional imbalance.

I wouldn't jump to conclusions. Feeling good about yourself due to recent accomplishments is normal. Start small and work your way up.

join some goofy club or something and talk to normal people about normal stuff. Just slowly build up your social skills.

They are skills and like any other skills, they need practice and constant upkeep.

Get out of your head and out into the world.

 

[Urbanyst]

I wonder at times if such a view of woman as a man we might be missing out on the ones that really bring to us why we love them? in the first place.
I dont know if i can go that far in my view of them. Ive known some pretty amazing women as humans. Forget male or female. Just cool people.

Women are a big part of the world economy. They work many important jobs and have an impact on many things.

I'm not suggesting women are worthless as people, just saying in the context of your daily life they are very non-essential. They are not like oxygen.

 

[RestUnknown]

Thanks all for the answers.

@TheGambino iT means? Inner...?
@resilient, I'm the youngest sibling as well, I'm 7 years apart from my brother and 9 years from my sister. That plus the fact my father died when I was 12. It's worth noticing that I think the years between 12 and 21 were rather normal, I was not the most popular guy, but had some decent friends and my first girlfriend at 17. 21 is were it went downhill hard and fast.
@stringpuller, I jerk off yes, but I think not more as another guy. I once went on a nofap for over a month, I honestly didn't notice any differences in my social skills or energy levels.
@Urbanyst, I sat down several evenings thinking what I truly like. I like to skydive (did it a few times), but I like it, it's not that I love it in a way I'll spend every moment of free time on it. Sad part is that every free time I have I just sit behind my computer, checking forums like this, playing a game,... I simply don't know what I could do at times when I'm off work and have went to the gym. This evening for example. I came home from work at 14h, went to the gym, did some little stuff in the garden, ate at 17h and now I'm just behind my pc, checking stupid youtube videos, listening to music, play a game, watch an episode of a serie. I hate being this inactive and just wasting my time, but like I said, I don't know what else I can do.

 

[RestUnknown]

Something I noticed today.

Some days I just feel much better for no obvious reason, like today.

I had no trouble talking to people and holding a conversation. I even found myself talking too much (well not about myself but asking them questions about them and going on about topics they started), so I went quiet on purpose for a few minutes. And it didn't feel forced at any time, it came naturally and I felt they loved the talking (other times I feel much more different about it).

Why is it that from day to day we feel so much different, well at least I do, is it just some slight bi-polar thing? I feel more 'bad' than 'good' like today though. Days like these are very rare, perhaps 1 in 50. It must be something hormonal or chemical no?