Need someone to talk to...losing happiness

[Sofomore]

Hey everyone,
Thanks for stopping by, I am writing this on a kind of sad note. I have come to realize a few problems with my personality. I just need one or two people to talk to about this with.

No one in my life right now is close enough for me to repeat this to them:

I feed my ego through women.
I base happiness through women.
I constantly think of doing things with women...ALL DAY.
If I am not around women my life seems dull and less energetic.

I don't understand why I have this internal drive to constantly be around women, I cant help it. I never really get close to guys because I feel they hinder my ability to pick up women. Selfish, I know. I just dont know how to change it.

Some advice I've heard is go out and have a hobby. The only thing is that I don't have the time for such a hobby. Maybe I need a mentor of some sort.

 

[Sofomore]

To add to it, I do fine with women. I am usually spinning plates non stop.

Maybe I'm getting oneitis for this girl. Fvck. I am on a rollercoaster of emotions, this has only happened once 3 years ago.

 

[sageproduct]

Hey, don't worry, you don't have any problems with your personality. Being sad is usually just a phase that will pass. What I find is that it helps to really dedicate yourself to being passionate for life. They say to find a hobby, but what they really mean is to do what you love. This will make you feel alive.

 

[Slick101]

You need to master your emotions. It's not an easy task, but once you see how your emotions work -- it's pretty easy to recognize how to fix it (but it can be time consuming).

Here is how your emotions work:
Stimuli (outside world) --> Mind (ego) --> Emotions

With this oversimplified map you can see that your Mind is what controls your emotions... not the outside world! The best way to control your emotions is to get rid of your Mind (ego). Why? Because your Mind is an automatic control center that triggers emotions immediately, making YOU very reactive. If I punch you, YOU get angry because your Mind triggers that emotion. If I punch a random stranger, YOU laugh because your Mind triggers that emotion. My actions make your react a predictable way. It's the same response you seem to be having with women -- when you're with women your Mind triggers happy emotions and when you're not with women your Mind triggers unhappy emotions. Can you see that your emotions are not spontaneous.. but rather predetermined by.. your MIND?

Maybe you don't see the problem yet.. but it's a complicated thing to explain to others -- especially someone with an ego still. Here's the solution -- how to get rid of your mind (ego). STAY IN THE PRESENT MOMENT~!!! What do I mean? Learn how to heighten your senses... increase your awareness! Hear sounds, see lights, feel your feet on the ground, feel your hands on the table, feel that cold draft, feel a warm shower, smell a cool mist, smell the cold breeze, etc.. etc.. Be in the moment 24-7 and you'll lose your Mind eventually.

My final thought here is this... there's an interplay between the Present Moment and your Mind. Your Mind resides in the Past and Future ALWAYS. It's like a phantom ghost... drudging to your attention past events and future ones (and in doing so triggers often unwanted emotions). The present moment, however, is where freedom from your MIND is! When your thoughts (mind babble) touch the present moment they dissolve.

Anyways, this is just a short blurb of things that you can learn. I recommend going out to a local library or a bookstore and giving the book "The Way of the Peaceful Warrior" a quick read. It's a good book and it'll relate to you some awesome information about how to conquer your mind.

HI!

First off I read your post in the "I need to talk to someone" thread..

and Your post really made me feel better...

If you can please help me out in my situation... It would be greatly appreciated... I feel as if U would have great advice for me... here is my thread

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=166328

Its called "GF problems"

Its not long but if u can comment on it.. thanks alot...

 

[Nexus Polaris]

This is a pretty good example of how being good with women does not always necessarily equal hapiness. Honestly, man, the best thing for you, given what you've described, is probably the last thing you're going to want to do. I would recommend dropping all those plates and being celibate for awhile. That way you're not distracted by women and you can focus solely on yourself.

That was what I did about a year and a half ago. I swore off women to work on myself. And as hard as it was (it was nearly impossible in the beginning), it turned out to be the best thing I ever did for myself. I would not have gotten to where I am today if I hadn't done it.

Unfortunately, sometimes what you want is not really what you need.

Good luck.

 

[Nino-Tk]

Dont base your happiness on how much success you have with the ladies..find a hobby and treat it better than your women..

 

[thecurtainfalls]

drudging to your attention past events and future ones (and in doing so triggers often unwanted emotions). The present moment, however, is where freedom from your MIND is! When your thoughts (mind babble) touch the present moment they dissolve.

There's a lot of truth in that.

I, too, recently learned a very hard lesson by essentially giving away the keys to my happiness to my (ex) girlfriend. When you let other people, who you have no control over, toy with your happiness/raison d'etre, you allow the possibility that they will let you down. When this happens, the entire house of cards falls and you're left with nothing because you spent all your time and talents and gifts and energies on someone else instead of yourself. Don't place all your importance or happiness on a significant other or women in general. That's way too much responsibility for them to handle and it won't end well for you.

 

[Sofomore]

You need to master your emotions. It's not an easy task, but once you see how your emotions work -- it's pretty easy to recognize how to fix it (but it can be time consuming).

Here is how your emotions work:
Stimuli (outside world) --> Mind (ego) --> Emotions

With this oversimplified map you can see that your Mind is what controls your emotions... not the outside world! The best way to control your emotions is to get rid of your Mind (ego). Why? Because your Mind is an automatic control center that triggers emotions immediately, making YOU very reactive. If I punch you, YOU get angry because your Mind triggers that emotion. If I punch a random stranger, YOU laugh because your Mind triggers that emotion. My actions make your react a predictable way. It's the same response you seem to be having with women -- when you're with women your Mind triggers happy emotions and when you're not with women your Mind triggers unhappy emotions. Can you see that your emotions are not spontaneous.. but rather predetermined by.. your MIND?

Maybe you don't see the problem yet.. but it's a complicated thing to explain to others -- especially someone with an ego still. Here's the solution -- how to get rid of your mind (ego). STAY IN THE PRESENT MOMENT~!!! What do I mean? Learn how to heighten your senses... increase your awareness! Hear sounds, see lights, feel your feet on the ground, feel your hands on the table, feel that cold draft, feel a warm shower, smell a cool mist, smell the cold breeze, etc.. etc.. Be in the moment 24-7 and you'll lose your Mind eventually.

My final thought here is this... there's an interplay between the Present Moment and your Mind. Your Mind resides in the Past and Future ALWAYS. It's like a phantom ghost... drudging to your attention past events and future ones (and in doing so triggers often unwanted emotions). The present moment, however, is where freedom from your MIND is! When your thoughts (mind babble) touch the present moment they dissolve.

Anyways, this is just a short blurb of things that you can learn. I recommend going out to a local library or a bookstore and giving the book "The Way of the Peaceful Warrior" a quick read. It's a good book and it'll relate to you some awesome information about how to conquer your mind.

This has really helped a lot. Thank you all for your responses. I ordered the book and I look forward to reading it

 

[xdreamz]

1. control ur mind, if something ur thinking about is making you feel bad then don't think about it ever again!

2. think about things positively. your so called lack of success is big ballin compared to others!

3. don't rely on things to make you happy. happiness is a choice. choose to be happy right now with what you have.

4. hang around the right group of people. hanging out with guys will not ruin your chances of success unless you hang out with a bunch of losers.