need some wisdom

[Serg897]

My situation right now is a strange one, and Im looking for some advice and opinions. I'll try to make this as short as I can.

Basically, I have liked this girl, girl X, for a long time, but circumstances prevented me from making a move on her (I was dating her best friend, and now she has a boyfriend)

Recently, however, I had been talking to girl X a lot and the great attraction that exists between both of us is undeniable. Even though she has a boyfriend, I decided to try to do something anyways.

I also told some other close friends of mine about what is happening, one of which happens to be friends with her also, girl Y. This may have been a mistake, because girl Y goes and tells girl X that I like her.

This is where it gets interesting however.....now girl X is very distraught, doesnt know what to do, because apparantly she has always had feelings for me as well. But she feels VERY bad about leaving her boyfriend for that reason. I know for a fact that this is constantly on her mind, and today she didnt go to school because "she didnt feel like it". Hmmm. Her boyfriend is also oblivious to everything that is going on, and she feels terrible about that too.

What should I do. I could call girl X and talk to her, I havent for about a week. I could wait it out. This is constantly on MY mind too, and I dont know whats going to happen....

 

[Aycee]

Firstly, you're clearly emotionally attached to this girl; and at this stage that's not good. It means you're not thinking clearly; thoughts and judgements are being influenced by emotions.

Link when you sleep with the fat chick; because you're turned on anyway, only to later wish you hadn't

No doubt you'll get a lot of responses, saying the textbook DJ stuff. People just copying something, so they come across like they know their stuff. This isn't really a situation where you can run a line, and act as if you're not bothered either way; and hope that makes her come running.

This is a high school thing, and you have to first understand what is making her think; how she will be thinking and act based upon that knowledge.

She's in the situation where if she dumps her boyfriend for you; is that going to give her the reputation of jumping in and out of relationships, like she's constantly on the look for an upgrade? Is she intimate with him, if so and becomes so with you, this adds to the above.

What could he say about her to try and get back at her, show off to his friends etc?

To summarise, she has to play this really carefully too!!

What you should do is appear really social. Try and get on good terms with all her friends. That way they'll be supporting you, and helping your chances behind your back. Show her a good time. Don't be all over her, but let her know that you're well liked and that you can look after her.

This doesn't need to be shown materially, just through how you carry yourself. You give off the vibe that you're self-assured, and others know it too.

Good luck,

Let us know what's happening.

If any of this is unclear then let me know; and i'll explain it further.

 

[Serg897]

She is not intimate with her boyfriend at all....and everyone knows that. They have one of the most boring relationships ever, that "hasnt made any progress since the first date" Im told.

What some people here will undoubtedly tell me is "if she leaves her boyfriend for you, how do you know she wont leave you for someone else?"

The fact that she is making such a huge issue out of this, even for a crappy boyfriend, tells me she wouldnt do that.

I dont go to her school, and I hardly see her. I only talk to her occasionally on the internet and a little bit on the phone. I cant really "show her a good time" or make that much contact with her without...calling her. This is why its difficult to follow through with your advice.

To my knowledge, her friends already like me. Girl Y has a very high opinion of me, and so does my ex, (I dated her about a year ago) whom she is friends with. They all know that I am self-confident, girl Y tells everyone I can be "arrogant". They know its part of my personality, but I dont think they view it as a negative thing.

 

[kiko]

Heres my opinion. It might work it might not. I think that if the girl likes you but doesnt have feelings for her bf, then she should be honest with him or else theres gonna be ALOT of crap going on(talking from experience).
If your friends with her bf, then dont ruin the friendship with him coz if shes not honest with her bf at the moment, how can you be sure the same wont happen to you? You've already made a mistake by telling one of her friends. Your lucky it turned out correctly.

Now heres what I suggest you do.

Make her be honest with her bf coz its better that she confesses now than later. She probably has been having these feelings from the time that you dated her best friend which means her feelings are strong. You should probably let things cool down after she breaks up with her bf (if shes willing to do that) and then ask her out. If you 'steal' her immediately, then rumors and other stuff will spread and your popularity will plummet.

I would suggest waiting it out because many bad things may happen.


I hope I was helpful.

Kiko

 

[Serg897]

I know the bf, but im not really friends with him.

And I agree with not rushing into asking her out right after she breaks up. Im just not sure if I should talk to her right now.

 

[kiko]

Talk to her now. Act as a friend not a bf at the moment. If your planning on being her bf, show her you DO care.

 

[TonyTheTigerOI]

Dont innitiate... she has enough of you on her mind from her friends and the innitial attraction. Let her come to terms with it... and approach u about it.

the fact is - she knows she isnt going to marry this guy. She just has to let her mind catch up with her body... overcome the social views of leaving a boyfriend for another guy youve secretely hada crush on.

You should make sure and keep living your life, meeting girls outside her circle. As soon as she innitiates capitalize on it and kiss her.

 

[Aycee]

Originally posted by TonyTheTigerOI
Dont innitiate... she has enough of you on her mind from her friends and the innitial attraction. Let her come to terms with it... and approach u about it.

the fact is - she knows she isnt going to marry this guy. She just has to let her mind catch up with her body... overcome the social views of leaving a boyfriend for another guy youve secretely hada crush on.

You should make sure and keep living your life, meeting girls outside her circle. As soon as she innitiates capitalize on it and kiss her.

Note how the above is what I said, minus the rambling

The point here, is that there is 'context' to this situation. You can't apply the DJ 'rules' of 3 seconds, approaching etc because you will lose out.

Let mind catch up with body; this is high school, where reputation is everything to a girl. Understand the context, and act in understance of it. If you don't appreciate that, and approach now like others have said she will reject you.

 

[Serg897]

Im reviving this topic just to share the news that the break-up occured today between them ;-).

Now I plan to just wait it out some more until she talks to me again. Share with me some more comments if you like.

 

[penkitten]

dont do anything yet.

ever heard of less is more?

just wait for it to come to you , it will , eventually.

meanwhile , do whatever it is you usually do .


and for future reference: never tell any chick anything that you do not want announced. we can not keep secrets. the juicer it is = the faster we have to get it off our chests by being honest and blabbing it out.