Need some quick advice...

[lord_mike]

Hi guys... I need some quick dating advice on a certain situation...

So, I met this chick last Wednesday.. Internet first date... She was unusual in that she was much better lokoing than her picture, and I figured at the time that she was out of my league and just have fun with it. Well, we ended up making out in the parking lot, so it didn't turn out that bad... She wanted to see me again this weekend. Sunday night was the only night good for me, so I said I'd call her and we'd work out the details. Cool! She was so *skinny* and hot.. very cool! The big problem is that I like her.. which, I know can pull an donjuan back into niceguy mode, although I'm aware of this and have been fighting hard not to do so...

Called her Thursday, perhaps too early.... See, I've been kindof in a groove lately with chicks, and so I've been forgetting the rules and doing what I feel comfortable with... it's been working so far, and I felt comfortable calling her Thursday. Talked for awhile... had fun... made plans for Sunday, told her I'd get back to her with the details... no problem... everything cool...

Then I made a fatal flaw, I called on Friday... I knew she was out, but only realized it while the phone was ringing... it was her cell phone, so it would be obvious that I called... not cool... she didn't answer, and I didn't leave a message... Once I hung up the phone, I realized that I called 2 days in a row! not good!

Well, I still needed to get the details to her about Sunday... I was hopng she'd call back on Saturday, so then I wouldn't look like a nice guy calling her again... but she didn't, and I had to go out, and I didn't know what to do... so, I reluctantly called again. She didn't answer. I left a message telling her the details and to call me back when she got a chance to confirm. My gut feeling wasn't too good at this point....

So, she called back today, but I wasn't home, left a message, saying that she had to cancel, and that I should call her back so she could explain. Game over. So, since I figured I had nothing to lose at this point, I did call back (give her that 1% chance to possibly reschedule), no answer on her cell phone of course, didn't leave a message. I think I've got the hint.

So, I know I'm 99% dead in the water now, but how to close this well as an IM... my thoughts:

Plan A: I fhse checks her cell phone fro missed calls, she should know that I called today... she can call back if she wants anything more to do with me... don't contact her again...

Plan B: Since it's probaby dead, call again to force her to confess openly, and if she refuses to answer the phone again, just leave a message stating what's in plan C.

Plan C: Send her an email saying I got her message, and she can let me know if (or should I saw when) she wants to reschedule and leave it at that.

Plan D: None of the above--fill in the blank with your expert suggestions.

This only sucks because I actually like her, and 'cos things looked so good at first... she was so into making out on Wednesday... I guess that was my fatal flaw, liking her... I'm so used to being with chicks that I only mildly interest in, this was a bit of a shock to my system....

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I just don't want to look like a chump... at the same time, this isn't high school anymore.. we're both over 30... she might deserve the benefit of the doubt... just how to do it without looking like an idiot.. how do I best close this one out!

Thanks,

Mike
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[Taoist]

Sounds a bit similar to my story.

Met this chick and a party and ended up getting her number.

Set up a date and it went well. Had her pick me up(had great excuse, my car was hit and run). Used C/F, kept convo on her, eye contact, kino, etc and eventually, after the date, reached over and kissed her directly on the lips. Kissed for a while and she told me she had a really good night.

Since then, we've had a hard time contacting each other, since we're in Miami and this damn storm came through and wrecked havoc with our power and phone lines.

I called her last night to see what she was doing and basically told her I was going out with some friends and jsut wanted to check up on her and how she was doing. She was hanging out with a girlfriend and going for drinks too. Said she would call me back, but haven't heard back from her.

I was beginning to think that I took much too long calling her back but I think I'm ok. She seemed interested and we hit it off.

I will give her until Tue, afterwhich I will call her and try to set up something ofr this weekened. If she balks, I know I blew my chance.

If I were you, I would not call her. You've called enough and now you're starting to sound desperate.

I would also ask myself, if I were you, why you've fallen for this chick so fast? That is a serious question and one that you must find the answer to. If one make out session has you like this, I can only imagine what other "needy" messages you're sending out.

Step back, and do NOT call. If she's interested, she will call, especially if she wants to apologize for backing out. In the meantime, play it cool, and seriously consider some other chicks.

Maybe this is not a big deal, but you're acting far too clingy.

Good luck.

 

[lord_mike]

[
Maybe this is not a big deal, but you're acting far too clingy.

Yeah, I know.. and it's bugging me... especially since I really was handling things well prior to this... it's the hotness factor that getting to me, I'm sure... thanks for setting me straight...

After all, she's the one who bailed, she can call back. I listened to the message again, she did want me to call back so she could explain. She even repeated her number again... so maybe it isn't as bad as I initially thought...

The only question is if I'm being too rude by not calling back and leaving a message if she's not there... maybe sending an email would be cool... or maybe I should shut up an chill!! LOL! I think I will do the last one!

Thanks,

Mike

 

[Taoist]

Originally posted by lord_mike
Yeah, I know.. and it's bugging me... especially since I really was handling things well prior to this... it's the hotness factor that getting to me, I'm sure... thanks for setting me straight...

After all, she's the one who bailed, she can call back. I listened to the message again, she did want me to call back so she could explain. She even repeated her number again... so maybe it isn't as bad as I initially thought...

The only question is if I'm being too rude by not calling back and leaving a message if she's not there... maybe sending an email would be cool... or maybe I should shut up an chill!! LOL! I think I will do the last one!

Thanks,

Mike

Relax Mike!!!

You have gone above and beyond. You shouldn't have to call her for an explanation. Why? Why would you? YOU are the man. If she really cares or is interested, she should be the one to call.

Even if it kills you, don't call. It is common courtesy. She bailed, and now it's on her to explain why. If she can't do something so simple as to return a call, then f her. Move on.

 

[DinoCassanova]

Even if it kills you, don't call. It is common courtesy. She bailed, and now it's on her to explain why. If she can't do something so simple as to return a call, then f her. Move on.


>>> Exactly. That's about the same exact thing I would say. You have to harden up to these broads man. Don't let any kind of little situation like this get into your head. I personally would erase her # from my phone and forget her. If she ever contacts you again, just play it cool. Don't sound very excited or anything. And don't even bring up this incident that just happened now, should she ever call you back that is. ~Dino

 

[[o_0]]

my advice for you is to call her after like a week saying you been out of the city. just play cool like 'hey we been meeting but you had other plans? what a shame i been away. what you doing tonight? mayb i step and we go to eat something?'. mainly just wait longer time and call saying you wanna meet now.

 

[EquityPrivate]

Originally posted by DinoCassanova
Even if it kills you, don't call. It is common courtesy. She bailed, and now it's on her to explain why. If she can't do something so simple as to return a call, then f her. Move on.

But it shouldn't kill you. You got used. Why would you go back for more?

>>> Exactly. That's about the same exact thing I would say. You have to harden up to these broads man. Don't let any kind of little situation like this get into your head. I personally would erase her # from my phone and forget her. If she ever contacts you again, just play it cool. Don't sound very excited or anything. And don't even bring up this incident that just happened now, should she ever call you back that is. ~Dino

See, and I'm big into not playing games on this stuff. I would straight out say "Look, I didn't like the way you handled that situation last (week/month/decade) and I don't have time for that sort of thing. Let me know when you know what you want and maybe we can revisit things. Ok, I have to play with my My Little Ponies now. I'll talk to you later."

Send a message. But don't bother trying to do that if she's messing with you.

 

[Taoist]

Originally posted by EquityPrivate
But it shouldn't kill you. You got used. Why would you go back for more?



See, and I'm big into not playing games on this stuff. I would straight out say "Look, I didn't like the way you handled that situation last (week/month/decade) and I don't have time for that sort of thing. Let me know when you know what you want and maybe we can revisit things. Ok, I have to play with my My Little Ponies now. I'll talk to you later."

Send a message. But don't bother trying to do that if she's messing with you.

I think there is more than one way to handle this. You could be direct, and tell her straight up, or you could just move on. I think the bottom line is that no, this should no have been a big deal in the first place, but it was made into one, by his reaction and his interpretation.

In the past, I made similar mistakes, and because of my low self esteem, I questioned everything, and turned what should have been a small disappointment into a slight or assault on my self worth.

I think he needs to address that. I learned also that you can't take everything to heart. You will get rejected. Keep throwing your rod out there, though, and something will bite, you will get fish. You just have to learn from your errors.

The great thing about this board, is that many of us have already gone through this stuff and have advice, wisdom to offer. You don't have to make things worse. There is more than one way.

I wouldn't call my way a game, per se, but I can understand why it looks that way. Just be tough. Stand up for yourself and stop sounding like a victim. You just met this chick, and afterall, maybe things will work out. Keep up this behavior, though, and she will get tired of you.

Don't be too clingy.

 

[EquityPrivate]

Originally posted by Taoist
I think there is more than one way to handle this. You could be direct, and tell her straight up, or you could just move on. I think the bottom line is that no, this should no have been a big deal in the first place, but it was made into one, by his reaction and his interpretation.

I don't disagree here.

In the past, I made similar mistakes, and because of my low self esteem, I questioned everything, and turned what should have been a small disappointment into a slight or assault on my self worth.

I think he needs to address that. I learned also that you can't take everything to heart. You will get rejected. Keep throwing your rod out there, though, and something will bite, you will get fish. You just have to learn from your errors.

The best advice on this I ever got is:

"It's not always about you."

Who knows, her father could have been diagnosed with cancer. Her mother could have been hit by a truck. Her cat could have just gotten the results back and tested positive for Herpes. Who knows? She might be acting out for any number of things, none of which have anything to do with you.

The key in these cases (where there are issues that are beyond you and have nothing to do with you) is just move on. One of two things will happen. The issues will be severe enough that she will forget you and deal with them (in which case: problem solved as you weren't going to get much attention from her anyhow) or they will get resolved and you will be back on the radar (in which case you will have gotten points for being a dynamic and interesting guy with an active social life that didn't even skip a beat when her life fvcked with her).

The great thing about this board, is that many of us have already gone through this stuff and have advice, wisdom to offer. You don't have to make things worse. There is more than one way.

I wouldn't call my way a game, per se, but I can understand why it looks that way. Just be tough. Stand up for yourself and stop sounding like a victim. You just met this chick, and afterall, maybe things will work out. Keep up this behavior, though, and she will get tired of you.

Taoist has it right on here.

Don't be too clingy.

And here.

 

[Taoist]

Agreed on all counts, EP.

I can only imagine how many other men are out there, hungry, starving for advice, information, etc.

I know first hand I was, until I went through a difficult time myself and had to learn firsthand what my mistakes were. I learned a lot from that, though.

This site has reminded me of where I went wrong and at least might help you in that it offers more thatn one train of thought.

EP seems very wise and experienced. I welcome his opinions and everyone's for that matter.

I think a great point is the fact that we place so high a value on rejection. We'd rather miss on on some hot piece of ass, than take a risk. I think it goes for many things in life. Once you feel comfortable, you settle.

Don't settle. You deserve more.