Need Some Input Here

[JustAnotherLover]

Okay so there's this girl I like.

I'm not sure if already messed up in that we're friends now (don't know what she really thinks of me, only met her at beginning of this school year)

I got some signals; she comes over and talks to me everyday, sometimes we do a liiiitle bit of flirting; also we got this giant string of emails going on right now.

The thing is though, that she's very outgoing (I am too, but she is even more) so she's like this to mostly everyone. :O

If you're familiar with the Meyers-Briggs test, I'm an ENFP and she's an ENFJ!
We're practically right next to each other though, like 4% apart.
I call her my soulmate. She says "NOOOOO" but I think she likes it

I don't think she stares at me much but she does look over in my direction every so often or calls out my name. :O

Also we kinda have some opposing views (like, she's very political and I'm not; also she doesn't like dogs and she doesn't draw, opposite of me)

I haven't done much kino yet. Or, what I do is more playful than affectionate. Like, I don't touch her that much but I toss stuff at her or lightly hit her shoulder (you know, like how you'd greet a dude). She doesn't seem to mind. She doesn't touch me much if at all, I think.

My plan right now is that she's got her birthday coming up and I'm gonna make a really cool gift for her (which also doubles as a valentines gift!) so maybe then she'll get a clue. Should the valentines gift be short n' sweet like "I like you, you're pretty cool." or should it be all romantic?? o___o

We have really great conversations and she's just really fun to be around! But I dunno how she feels about me or if it's worth a shot. So I need input. Should I lose the feelings, or should I go for it?

OH SHAT I forgot. Also! Eh...
She's good friends with this other girl that used to like me (but I didn't know that) and I got MAJOR one-itis for her and basically lost her. (I learned my lesson though!)

 

[jeffthechef]

I got some signals; she comes over and talks to me everyday, sometimes we do a liiiitle bit of flirting; also we got this giant string of emails going on right now.

signals are useless...they only give you a false sense of confidence...and most guys see everything as a signal when they want to see signals...go by the old saying.."assume she's interested"...dont think/see/consider signals

If you're familiar with the Meyers-Briggs test, I'm an ENFP and she's an ENFJ!
We're practically right next to each other though, like 4% apart.
I call her my soulmate. She says "NOOOOO" but I think she likes it

i read this is one of the hall of fame articles a while back...never bring up the future..for example..talking about outings/bf and gf/marriage/ children/SOULMATES..of course you're probably joking..but i, personally, never bring it up

I don't think she stares at me much but she does look over in my direction every so often or calls out my name. :O

stop analyzing..especially these small things...perhaps she's looking to see who farted...or if there's a clock around...or if you're looking at her like a stalker..who the fck knows..analyzing = digression...just do it = progression

Also we kinda have some opposing views (like, she's very political and I'm not; also she doesn't like dogs and she doesn't draw, opposite of me)

girls like twilight..i hate it...my friend likes those cartoons on adult swim...i can't stand em..except family guy and king of the hill...opposites can attract...opposites can repel...don't look too much into this...and stop talking politics/religion/perhaps philosophy too...unless you've been together for a long time

I haven't done much kino yet. Or, what I do is more playful than affectionate. Like, I don't touch her that much but I toss stuff at her or lightly hit her shoulder (you know, like how you'd greet a dude). She doesn't seem to mind. She doesn't touch me much if at all, I think.

do it more...and if she hasn't touched you once..it's fine cause she might think you dont like to be touched..who the fck knows again...but from my experience...i think 9/10 girls that are interested in me have touched me at least once...usually before i start the kino too...but once again, just start doing it

My plan right now is that she's got her birthday coming up and I'm gonna make a really cool gift for her (which also doubles as a valentines gift!) so maybe then she'll get a clue. Should the valentines gift be short n' sweet like "I like you, you're pretty cool." or should it be all romantic?? o___o

DONT DO ROMANTIC...DONT SAY YOU LIKE HER...DONT SAY YOU'RE INTERESTED IN HER EVVVVERR...FOOOOOOORRRRRRREVVVEEERRRR (SANDLOT heh)...get her a regular gift like you would any other girl..."maybe then she'll get a clue"...KEY LINE...you're trying to get her to realize you're interested...afc way...i know you're new...if you want to make progress on your journey...be direct...don't tell her you're interested...show her...HOW?
After talking to her, and you guys are about to go separate ways...tell her you're going to do BLA BLA...and tell her she should come...and that she should call you if she's interested..i would suggest you go either way...cause she might just show up there...and if you aren't there, she'll realize you don't have your own plans..and that she was your plan for the weekend

We have really great conversations and she's just really fun to be around! But I dunno how she feels about me or if it's worth a shot. So I need input. Should I lose the feelings, or should I go for it?

what's there to think about?...
lose the feelings= you never know
go for it= you know
name a negative risk from either option...and i'll tell you why it doesn't fcking matter..


OH SHAT I forgot. Also! Eh...
She's good friends with this other girl that used to like me (but I didn't know that) and I got MAJOR one-itis for her and basically lost her. (I learned my lesson though!)

hah...well now's the time to change

 

[eaglez1177]

Jeff hit the nail on the head...and nice sandlot reference lmao

 

[JustAnotherLover]

I got some signals; she comes over and talks to me everyday, sometimes we do a liiiitle bit of flirting; also we got this giant string of emails going on right now.

signals are useless...they only give you a false sense of confidence...and most guys see everything as a signal when they want to see signals...go by the old saying.."assume she's interested"...dont think/see/consider signals

So signals mean nothing??
And why assume she's interested if I'm not supposed to have a false sense of confidence?
I thought confidence is good!


If you're familiar with the Meyers-Briggs test, I'm an ENFP and she's an ENFJ!
We're practically right next to each other though, like 4% apart.
I call her my soulmate. She says "NOOOOO" but I think she likes it

i read this is one of the hall of fame articles a while back...never bring up the future..for example..talking about outings/bf and gf/marriage/ children/SOULMATES..of course you're probably joking..but i, personally, never bring it up

Yeah I'm joking about it.
but it's kinda like a running joke b/w us now, like I don't even need to mention it and it comes up. It's funny but is that bad?


I don't think she stares at me much but she does look over in my direction every so often or calls out my name. :O

stop analyzing..especially these small things...perhaps she's looking to see who farted...or if there's a clock around...or if you're looking at her like a stalker..who the fck knows..analyzing = digression...just do it = progression

I know it's not that.
So, what IS it that I should do? (I'm not allowed to date yet, so how do I go for a non-date without making it seem like a hang-out and putting me in the friendzone??) :nervous:


Also we kinda have some opposing views (like, she's very political and I'm not; also she doesn't like dogs and she doesn't draw, opposite of me)

girls like twilight..i hate it...my friend likes those cartoons on adult swim...i can't stand em..except family guy and king of the hill...opposites can attract...opposites can repel...don't look too much into this...and stop talking politics/religion/perhaps philosophy too...unless you've been together for a long time

Yeah but these aren't just like movie tastes or books or things like that! This is the serious sh*t! :angry:
It's weird. Like, I always imagined going out with someone with the same interests and opposite personality (like the last one, still have no idea what happened there, I'll make a thread if you want), but we have the SAME personality and DIFFERENT interests/views! So what's up with that?


I haven't done much kino yet. Or, what I do is more playful than affectionate. Like, I don't touch her that much but I toss stuff at her or lightly hit her shoulder (you know, like how you'd greet a dude). She doesn't seem to mind. She doesn't touch me much if at all, I think.

do it more...and if she hasn't touched you once..it's fine cause she might think you dont like to be touched..who the fck knows again...but from my experience...i think 9/10 girls that are interested in me have touched me at least once...usually before i start the kino too...but once again, just start doing it

GAH. I'm having trouble doing kino.
she's usually too far away when we're near each other, and whenever I greet her she's with friends! Also I don't know where to touch her. Gotta review those posts I guess.


My plan right now is that she's got her birthday coming up and I'm gonna make a really cool gift for her (which also doubles as a valentines gift!) so maybe then she'll get a clue. Should the valentines gift be short n' sweet like "I like you, you're pretty cool." or should it be all romantic?? o___o

DONT DO ROMANTIC...DONT SAY YOU LIKE HER...DONT SAY YOU'RE INTERESTED IN HER EVVVVERR...FOOOOOOORRRRRRREVVVEEERRRR (SANDLOT heh)...get her a regular gift like you would any other girl..."maybe then she'll get a clue"...KEY LINE...you're trying to get her to realize you're interested...afc way...i know you're new...if you want to make progress on your journey...be direct...don't tell her you're interested...show her...HOW?
After talking to her, and you guys are about to go separate ways...tell her you're going to do BLA BLA...and tell her she should come...and that she should call you if she's interested..i would suggest you go either way...cause she might just show up there...and if you aren't there, she'll realize you don't have your own plans..and that she was your plan for the weekend

okay well v-day IS coming up. AND her birthday. I figured it'd be a good time to do that. soooooo what SHOULD I do then?
(also should I do anything for this other girl for v-day? b/c I still like her as a friend and I feel bad that we're not seeing each other)

oh and thanks for helping me out man

 

[jeffthechef]

So signals mean nothing??
And why assume she's interested if I'm not supposed to have a false sense of confidence?
I thought confidence is good!

assuming interest, for me at least, is not about confidence...in actuality, you shouldn't even think about interest levels...you should simply go about things the way a MAN should...when you're a dj/alpha/etc...you dont even consider interest levels...so in a sense, assuming interest simply means not considering interest...but we say "assume interest" rather than "don't think about interest" because for some they can derive confidence from it...but bottom line, don't use signals

Yeah I'm joking about it.
but it's kinda like a running joke b/w us now, like I don't even need to mention it and it comes up. It's funny but is that bad?

well it depends how it comes up..context of the situation..but if she starts calling you husband/hubby/any reference to being married or soulmates...you can SORT OF..sexualize the situation by telling her that you guys aren't really married until you guys have your honeymoon and get it on...then tell her, she should stop thinking you guys are married until she CONSUMMATES it

I know it's not that.
So, what IS it that I should do? (I'm not allowed to date yet, so how do I go for a non-date without making it seem like a hang-out and putting me in the friendzone??)

parents won't let you date?...well anyways...all outings are really just outings..not dates...they're dates when you guys are official really...but that's just being technical..personally, i would suggest you simply consider every time you're with her an outing..even after it's official...then in your case, you're not dating...just having fun, like you should

how do you make it not seem like a hngout...KINO, SEXUALIZATION, ETC.

Yeah but these aren't just like movie tastes or books or things like that! This is the serious sh*t! :angry:
It's weird. Like, I always imagined going out with someone with the same interests and opposite personality (like the last one, still have no idea what happened there, I'll make a thread if you want), but we have the SAME personality and DIFFERENT interests/views! So what's up with that?

stop imagining your future gf/wife/etc...FIRST, you set yourself up for disappointment...SECOND, YOU CONSTRAIN YOURSELF...you might lose out on MANY girls by having preset conditions or preferences...of course you'll have some, but try to keep an open mind...consider this, perhaps you'll learn or change your own beliefs after some thoughtful discussions with her.

consider this also, why does your gf need to have the same interests and views...you have your views nad she has hers..no problem..I THINK, you dont like her having different views because you and/or her believe one of you guys are "right"...Bruce lee talked in depth about this..its also taoist too..but here's a quote (by memory so it might be off a little)
"A man who makes points is not wise. A wise man has no point to make. There are no points." there is no right or wrong answer/view/belief...when one of you guys come to the discussion thinking you're right, then it the you'll both fail to have a good discussion...you'll lose the opportunity to learn...don't come into the discussion to prove the other wrong..come into it hoping to learn something new...anyways...just let her have her opinions and go on to the point of having a gf

FUN...YOU HAVE GF'S TO HAVE FUN..THAT'S WHY SOME PEOPLE, ESPECIALLY IN HS, DON'T LIKE TO HAVE GF'S...THEN THEY CAN ONLY HAVE 'FUN' WITH ONE GIRL...HAVE 'FUN'..let's be honest...talking about philosophy/religion/politics is only fun for so long...but it gets boring even for me, and i love tlaking about philosophy


GAH. I'm having trouble doing kino.
she's usually too far away when we're near each other, and whenever I greet her she's with friends! Also I don't know where to touch her. Gotta review those posts I guess.

do it in front of her friends...perhaps they'll get jealous and want to start kino-ing with you...who knows...just do it, no matter who's around...as to where to touch, there are billions of articles...and the escalation ladder..google it perhaps

okay well v-day IS coming up. AND her birthday. I figured it'd be a good time to do that. soooooo what SHOULD I do then?
(also should I do anything for this other girl for v-day? b/c I still like her as a friend and I feel bad that we're not seeing each other)

you should take her out...don't try and make it romantic though
let things flow naturally...if she's interested in you, she'll be happy enough to spend time with you...just have fun...dont try to make things fun or romantic...just let it be
Don't think about the outing...or how it should go...or how good/bad it is going...just be in the present...and enjoy it
how can you have fun when you're trying to have fun? when you try to have fun, you're thinking about fun, not experiencing it.

i'm going to make a post..it might help you a little

 

[Nino-Tk]

have fun and away with the analyzations and the signals and stuff my current gf didnt give me signals to work much on..i guess i just ASSUMED that she liked me..and she followed suit

 

[JustAnotherLover]

Hey it's been like a month now!
Progress report:

I'm still working on kino.
I think I jumped up a level too early. I tried massaging her and she said my hands were cold and broke off. ;____;
But I think she's actually okay with me touching/stroking her hair! Go figure.

Oh. Also, um... What do I do if I offended her?
We were emailing and then I said "You are so weird ____." and I think she took it negatively. I know not to apologize but what do I do instead?

V-day was alright. I had her go on a hunt throughout her house (there were paper cranes! Each one had poetry which was a clue to the next!) which led to the gift which was a portrait. She said it was the best gift she'd ever gotten!
But she'd been on a trip and didn't get home 'til 9, so I didn't get to take her out as planned. (I was gonna walk with her and then watch the sunset in a tree and lead up to a kiss) In the end I only got to spend like forty minutes with her. Not enough time to do what I wanted.
Oh. And I gave her a b-day hug and a v-day kiss... on her shoulder. (seriously wtf) She giggled I think? Then parents were yelling and I had to go.

I said I'd take her out to a restaurant b/c I owe her for a meal (we went on an outing with friends like a few weeks ago)
She said "no, no" but I said "sure! I want to" and now I think she's up for it.
So what's the status on that? Is it a date? An outing? Friendly or not?

And I'm having trouble getting her interested in me. Like, maybe she is interested but she sure doesn't show it (not like some other girls, at least). I think I'm stuck in that dam friendzone again! >__<

 

[eaglez1177]

Hey it's been like a month now!
Progress report:

I'm still working on kino.
I think I jumped up a level too early. I tried massaging her and she said my hands were cold and broke off. ;____;
But I think she's actually okay with me touching/stroking her hair! Go figure.

Oh. Also, um... What do I do if I offended her?
We were emailing and then I said "You are so weird ____." and I think she took it negatively. I know not to apologize but what do I do instead?turn it into a joke (dont tell her you were joking but make it into one and be funny with it) And yea dont apologize. and just for the record, try to avoid talk with a girl that isnt face to face. Much much better to converse in person that behind a computer screen.

V-day was alright. I had her go on a hunt throughout her house (there were paper cranes! Each one had poetry which was a clue to the next!) which led to the gift which was a portrait. She said it was the best gift she'd ever gotten!
But she'd been on a trip and didn't get home 'til 9, so I didn't get to take her out as planned. (I was gonna walk with her and then watch the sunset in a tree and lead up to a kiss) In the end I only got to spend like forty minutes with her. Not enough time to do what I wanted.Thats complete bullsh*t. 40 minutes is PLENTY of time to pull off a kiss. Get that fantasy out of your head, and live/act/react with what is going on in the present (instead of hoping your fantasy comes true).
Oh. And I gave her a b-day hug and a v-day kiss... on her shoulder.Ughh god. This is bad man. A kiss on the freakin shoulder?! Kisses are meant to be on the LIPS. Im gonna be honest, you need to grow a pair and give this chick a real kiss on the lips. Not something lame and unconfident on her freakin shoulder. (seriously wtf) She giggled I think? Then parents were yelling and I had to go.

I said I'd take her out to a restaurant b/c I owe her for a meal (we went on an outing with friends like a few weeks ago)
She said "no, no" but I said "sure! I want to" and now I think she's up for it.
So what's the status on that?Think of it as this. If she TRULY wanted to go out on a date with you and TRULY liked you, she would've said yes in a heartbeat. I personally think the only reason why she says shes up for it is because she feels bad denying you, and will either go on the "date" with you (which i doubt) or just make a bs excuse (most probable) Is it a date? An outing? Friendly or not? if she does go with you, its probably just as friends

And I'm having trouble getting her interested in me. Like, maybe she is interested but she sure doesn't show it (not like some other girls, at least)yeah I highly doubt that hahaha. If she was interested she would show it.. I think I'm stuck in that dam friendzone again! >__<

--------------

ah, yeah. that makes sense.
But for some reason I can't seem to get her interest levels up! Like I'm "unique", she even said so, but she doesn't follow me around or look at me like some other girls do. I think I'm in the friendzone. and I want out! D:<

Also! Today her friend just burst out "DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE?!" at me at break. I told her something along the lines of "well I made a v-day gift for her so of course"NEVER, EVER do this. NEVER. That is one of the number one rules of being a DJ. Never reveal your feelings for another girl; always be mysterious. If the girl or her friend asks you if you like her, play around with it and give a funny "answer" that doesnt actually answer the question. and she said "OOOOOOOOH" while other girls were going "WHO WHO WHO?!" It was pretty funnyyou may think its funny, but this was probably the nail in the coffin right here, along with what you said below lol.
Anyways she (the friend) was wondering why I was so nonchalant about liking her (the girl) and she was saying "do you want me to ask her??" and I said "sure whatever."NOO! Never do this either. Now this girl is going to go to the girl you like and tell her that you like her. You know what that means? That means your shot with this girl is pretty much over, because the girl you like now knows your feelings, and also that your a pvssy because you cant tell the girl to her face your true feelings (obviously this is what SHE wants. NOT what you are supposed to do. But this is what is going through her mind. "Ohh hes such a chicken with no balls he cant even say it to my face". Like I said, NEVER tell a girl you're true feelings. Instead, you have to let your ACTIONS speak for you.

Analysis please? Did I do anything good or bad? Did I miss something important? :O

Thanks again for helping out eaglez. You da man.

Heres the bottom line: MOVE ON AND NEXT THIS GIRL. Its not worth the time or stress. You're friend zoned bigtime with this chick, and the hole you're in is extremely deep. There is always a way out, but trust me man, it will be MUCH MUCH easier for you to just game other chicks so that you are at least on a clean slate with them.

 

[JustAnotherLover]

...Well DAMMIT. What a waste of time. XD
At least I'm not too attached to her though, huh?

 

[eaglez1177]

Hopefully you're not lol...just next her and move on...so many more girls out there.