need some help

[slick8480]

Hey guys i came to this site 2 years ago when my girlfriend cheated on me after 4 years and broke up with me... it turned my life around i completely changed my attitude as to how i deal with dating... I was dating a girl for 1 and a half years and as i posted before she decided to take a job that makes our relationship extremely long distance... my problem is i feel like im stuck, im truly not happy... however unlike 2years ago most of my wingman have moved away we all graduated college and moved on..I just feel like i will never find a good girl again... my confidence has went from 100 percent down to about 20 is there anything i can do to help myself out of this rut... 2 years ago i got myself in great shape and eliminated every shy bone in my body and the constant progression into the new me raised my confidence... the thing is im not seeing any more progressions it just keeps going down hill... Any advice would be appreicated

 

[xblitz44x]

Slick,

Alright, well let me tell you that what you are doing now is the step in the right direction. Instead of trying to bury your issues with "I'm a DJ, I'm confident, I'm the man" affirmations that we both know hold no water, you're starting to identify that you have some issues. That's GOOD.

1) Figure out what feeling of insecurity, what FEAR the first girl that you went out with for 4 years, installed, and solidified in your mind. Is it fear of abandonment, deception, lack of trust, lonelyness, invalidation? What did she make you feel that has lingered with you since then. Identify the EXACT feeling that it has snowballed into.

2) What is it about having SOMEBODY around; girls, your wingman, etc that makes you feel 80% more confident? What voids to you think they fill that makes you feel more alive?

When you've figured those out; think about what you truely WANT. Do you want an LTR? Do you want to find a girl that you can share something special with that may evolve eventually in an LTR? What is this girl like, if you could choose? Figuring out what it is you want usually helps you identify it when you see it.

When you've done THAT, realize that the girl, the wingman, and the girl you are searching for are nothing but illusions, really. The girl that you dated that hurt you; only hurt you because you gave her the power over your emotions to do so. There is nothing wrong with feeling for somebody, but when you depend on them to fill some void, and they abandon you, that "crutch" that you've been leaning on to feel good...snaps; and you're left falling down into depression.

And what's even worse is that once you are depressed, it feels better to wallow in it. Right now you need to pull yourself out of that. You're producing negative results because you have a negative mind-frame. Change that, switch your paradigm, to a more positive one, and you'll find that it'll manifest (create itself) in reality.

 

[Survivor]

Stop expecting self-improvement to feel good all the time. There are going to be times when you don't feel like being alone, or working out, but you'll have to do it any way.

If you are the great guy that you say you are, then you won't let your self-improvement be stifled by any of your negative thoughts.

Succeed despite yourself.

 

[slick8480]

Thanks for the replies... Xblitz i think after my first Ltr i lost all trust in woman, also i felt alone... as for the wingman thing.. it just made it fun to go out to clubs and bars, i wasnt worried about woman and things would just take place.. i would like to go out again and feel that way but i would need to find new peps to go out with... Thanks surivor i know what ur saying i cant always improve to feel better its a mindset i have to keep no matter what