Last summer, I separated from a girl. Prolly not even fair to call her an ex, more like a girl I had oneitis for, we didn't even have sex - we came close, I had her on my bed, her shirt off, but I was nervous or something and wasn't getting hard; so I panicked and made up some excuse and we stopped. She separated from me soon after, and I still hold some regret from that experience, though things have gradually been getting better.
For the second half of last year though, I went through a pretty bad depression. I was lonely, regretting my screw-ups (the above wasn't the only one, just the biggest) with my oneitis, feeling down about my situation and history in general with women, dealing with some insecurities and mental issues I've had since my high school days, and coming to terms with who I was.
While I developed stronger social skills and reached some level of acceptance with my own identity, my work and school spheres suffered. I had a significant breakdown of motivation and discipline last semester, and I actually ended up flunking one of my uni classes.
Because of that, I now have to graduate college a little late, having to take a summer course to get that last credit. I know y'all always say to put your career and personal development over all else ("If you lose the girl chasing your dream, you can find always find another girl; but if lose your dream chasing a girl, you're an idiot"), but I didn't follow y'alls advice and messed up. It sucks having to tell my friends at uni that I won't be graduating with them (I haven't even told many of them yet), my parents are disappointed...
Lately, I've become self-aware of my own tendencies - I really have a habit of overthinking and replaying situations in my mind far longer than they deserved to be analyzed. I get stuck in a loop of negative-self talk...I was pretty much stuck in that loop for all of last semester.
While not the only cause of my depression, and loss of motivation/discipline last semester, my regret with my oneitis was probably the most significant one. And now, I have to carry this with me in life- that I graduated college late in large part because I was mentally weak and couldn't get over a girl quick enough. Even if my classmates don't know about the real reason, it's mentally humiliating...and, what if she (my former oneitis) finds out?
She's a foreigner (international student, one year above me) living in another country, but what if she comes back to visit for graduation and I'm not there, or she's told about it? Ugh, what would she think? Would she feel satisfaction at seeing me as a loser and at a low point (further reinforcing her decision to separate from me), or, even worse - feel pity for me and my weakness?
In the past couple months, I've been feeling much better, have restored some discipline and motivation within myself, but I still hold these insecurities that are holding me back and preventing me from moving forward happily, and making the life I envision for myself a reality. I need some advice/guidance guys...how do I become a better man from here?
For the second half of last year though, I went through a pretty bad depression. I was lonely, regretting my screw-ups (the above wasn't the only one, just the biggest) with my oneitis, feeling down about my situation and history in general with women, dealing with some insecurities and mental issues I've had since my high school days, and coming to terms with who I was.
While I developed stronger social skills and reached some level of acceptance with my own identity, my work and school spheres suffered. I had a significant breakdown of motivation and discipline last semester, and I actually ended up flunking one of my uni classes.
Because of that, I now have to graduate college a little late, having to take a summer course to get that last credit. I know y'all always say to put your career and personal development over all else ("If you lose the girl chasing your dream, you can find always find another girl; but if lose your dream chasing a girl, you're an idiot"), but I didn't follow y'alls advice and messed up. It sucks having to tell my friends at uni that I won't be graduating with them (I haven't even told many of them yet), my parents are disappointed...
Lately, I've become self-aware of my own tendencies - I really have a habit of overthinking and replaying situations in my mind far longer than they deserved to be analyzed. I get stuck in a loop of negative-self talk...I was pretty much stuck in that loop for all of last semester.
While not the only cause of my depression, and loss of motivation/discipline last semester, my regret with my oneitis was probably the most significant one. And now, I have to carry this with me in life- that I graduated college late in large part because I was mentally weak and couldn't get over a girl quick enough. Even if my classmates don't know about the real reason, it's mentally humiliating...and, what if she (my former oneitis) finds out?
She's a foreigner (international student, one year above me) living in another country, but what if she comes back to visit for graduation and I'm not there, or she's told about it? Ugh, what would she think? Would she feel satisfaction at seeing me as a loser and at a low point (further reinforcing her decision to separate from me), or, even worse - feel pity for me and my weakness?
In the past couple months, I've been feeling much better, have restored some discipline and motivation within myself, but I still hold these insecurities that are holding me back and preventing me from moving forward happily, and making the life I envision for myself a reality. I need some advice/guidance guys...how do I become a better man from here?
