"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Need Some Don Juan Ideas

GuitarOnFire7

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Girl has been in one of my university classes, and we've met in the discussion group.

I recently got a haircut, and it's very short. Ever since last week, she has been 'flustered' whenever she's around me. In class, whenever I gave her eye contact during her presentation, she kept looking to the side, and eventually, downwards (submission).

After that class, I happened to walk back to residence and she was there, with some of the other group members. We were in the packed elevator together, and I completely ignored her. When I got to my floor, the guy in the group said something like, "Take it easy." When I turned around, I saw this girl, and she said breathlessly, "Bye".

Fast forward to yesterday, after one of my classes. I was walking with a girlfriend of mine back to residence. Lo and behold, this girl happens to be walking towards us with one of her friends. As she approached, she started to tilt her head a lot and possibly blushed a bit... It happened quite fast. I said "Hello" with a slight smile, and she croaked out a "Hello" back.

I was thinking about inviting her to a place on campus to have hot chocolate at the next discussion group. A few annoyances include the fact that she never sits near me, and she usually leaves with her friend(s) (two girls and a guy) as soon as class is over.

Any suggestions?

It's really late. Excuse the rambling. ;)

Edit: I forgot to mention that I had a bad experience with being too forward with shy girls in the past (i.e. inviting them somewhere). This was a long time ago, and I think I've improved as a DJ since then.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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dig it

Don Juan
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i couldnt help a dig...

read that skitzso post, and aparently, if you speak about something, then go off like a nut, and you forget about your original intent....thats skits

this girl wants you more than likely, but why sit around wondering, go find out for sure....

maybe see if you can go somewhere alone with her....but dont make any BIG jumps, hang out at the uni cafee, whatever. go for her and see
 

GuitarOnFire7

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so where does the haircut fit into all this?
Although it's written vaguely above, she only seemed to take an interest in me after that point in time.

read that skitzso post, and aparently, if you speak about something, then go off like a nut, and you forget about your original intent....thats skits
According to Mead, the founder of interactionalism, everyone suffers from schizophrenia. ;)

I'm going to go for it next week. Our group discussions are almost over, so it's not as if I'll see her many times between now and finals.
 

crotchrocket

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I am assuming you know her name, you've at least chatted one on one (even shortly) and have already established some sort of rapport with this girl. Am I right ?

If you haven't established a bit of rapport with her, then that's step one, particularily with shy girls, if you don't you'll for sure get a NO to any request and scare her off for good.

If you've already done step one, then good. I know exactly what you are talking about as far as 'catching up' to her long enough to ask her out, she seems majorly interested but she hasn't been making it exactly easy for you to approach, right? Typical shy girl behavior, trust me, I'm going through the same thing right now.

Pass her a note! "Hey ..., I'm going to ... for coffee (after class, tommorrow whatever) if you've got time you should join me... Talk to you after class" Shy girls are already scared by the fact you are interested, so whatever you do, go slow and gently with her. Just do something, before she starts thinking you're not interested!
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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Cutiepiie

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Originally posted by scott44
so where does the haircut fit into all this?
Maybe he trying say that the guy that cuts his hair is her in disguise ???:eek: :)
 

GuitarOnFire7

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I am assuming you know her name, you've at least chatted one on one (even shortly) and have already established some sort of rapport with this girl. Am I right ?
We've been in the same discussion group since sometime in September. I haven't spoken to her one on one outside of the group discussions, but occasionally shared opinions about articles in the group.

I *do* know her name, but we never properly talk to each other.


If you haven't established a bit of rapport with her, then that's step one, particularily with shy girls, if you don't you'll for sure get a NO to any request and scare her off for good.

If you've already done step one, then good. I know exactly what you are talking about as far as 'catching up' to her long enough to ask her out, she seems majorly interested but she hasn't been making it exactly easy for you to approach, right? Typical shy girl behavior, trust me, I'm going through the same thing right now.
As I mentioned above, I was too forward and bold with a shy girl a few years ago in the past. At the time, when I just walked up to this other girl, she just blushed and I apparently scared her off, much like you said. She said that 'It's too late in the school year' (around May, in our final year).

Pass her a note! "Hey ..., I'm going to ... for coffee (after class, tommorrow whatever) if you've got time you should join me... Talk to you after class" Shy girls are already scared by the fact you are interested, so whatever you do, go slow and gently with her. Just do something, before she starts thinking you're not interested!
This would work if I just walked up to where she sits and pass her the note before sitting down. That doesn't strike me as being too Don Juanish or manly, though.

I'm definitely going to do something. My greatest concern is scaring her off.
 

uniassign

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This would work if I just walked up to where she sits and pass her the note before sitting down. That doesn't strike me as being too Don Juanish or manly, though.

Hahahaha!

This coming from someone who has a girl:

1. that is in constant contact with him;

2. but yet has NOT spoken to for THREE MONTHS;

3. because he is afraid of being "TOO FORWARD";

4. as a result of ONE REJECTION from ANOTHER GIRL A FEW YEARS AGO!!!

Fine example of a perfect man ...

Dude, you want a foolproof way of asking this girl out without being rejected. It is the same as wanting to earn lots and lots of money without hard work. It is not going to happen.

Men, in the quest for women, must take the risks of being rejected at every escalating stage - whether it be asking her out, going for that first kino, the first kiss, the first makeout, and the panty removing.

I suggest that if you really want this girl, you first TALK to her. If you cannot do that, I think it is nature's way of weeding your weak genes out.
 

GuitarOnFire7

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This coming from someone who has a girl:

1. that is in constant contact with him;
2. but yet has NOT spoken to for THREE MONTHS;
3. because he is afraid of being "TOO FORWARD";
4. as a result of ONE REJECTION from ANOTHER GIRL A FEW YEARS AGO!!!
Do not be fooled by my post count. I have checked these forums for new information over the course of years, not days.

Let's go through your little list one by one:

1) No. I see her once a week. If I happen to see her again during the week, it's coincidence.

2) She's more interested in me than I am in her. Like a proper Don Juan, I have been working on numerous possible prospects.

3) This girl is extremely shy around me. To walk straight up to her and force an ultamatium on her already bewildered mind would be counter-productive.

4) It's not a result of the rejection -- it's when adhering to Don Juan beliefs too strictly. That was my mistake back then. The world is largely "AFC", if you decide to use that term. Don Juans learn from their mistakes, which I certainly hope your parents did as well. ;)

Dude, you want a foolproof way of asking this girl out without being rejected. It is the same as wanting to earn lots and lots of money without hard work. It is not going to happen.

Men, in the quest for women, must take the risks of being rejected at every escalating stage - whether it be asking her out, going for that first kino, the first kiss, the first makeout, and the panty removing.
Hey moron, learn to read the whole thread and stop typing like an AOLer.

I suggest that if you really want this girl, you first TALK to her. If you cannot do that, I think it is nature's way of weeding your weak genes out.
I can talk to her, but obviously you're too dumb to understand that I wish to avoid scaring her away.

Go away, troll.
 

wcknightjr

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Originally posted by GuitarOnFire7
Hey moron, learn to read the whole thread and stop typing like an AOLer.

I can talk to her, but obviously you're too dumb to understand that I wish to avoid scaring her away.

Go away, troll.
Ouch, bad form, buddy, clean that attitude up, quick! Or prepare for flaming!
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

Read more...

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