Need some clarification

[DJVladdy]

Hello everybody, ive been reading these forums for a while, but just recently began to post. First, to give some info about myself: I am 20 years of age, Russian-American living in Boston, and go to a small university.

I have read most of the DJ bible, so if some smartass will refer me to it, there you go. Many say that "nice guys", "ACFs", "beta males", "wimps" etc. don't get girls, but the "thugs" "bad boys" and "jerks" do.

Okay here is where my little problem comes into play. I am masculine, sexual, have a rather dominant personality, and pretty sure not lacking in the testosterone department. Nor am I ugly, if u want proof i can post a pic. I actually fit the "alpha male" stereotype. In terms of being a thug, jerk, bad boy, I can say that a guy is better off being a nice guy, unless you truly had a rough upbringing. Yea some pricks online said that jerks attract all the girls, and guess what, i crashed and burned with that kind of image. I became labeled as creepy, shady, gangster who girls and people in general stay the hell away from. From that I became more bitter than Mike Tyson and fell into a deep depression which made me more of a "jerk" (yea thank you some guys on sosuave!). Depression that i somehow managed to climb out of without anyones help. Soon i will start sarging again, with a new look and mindset. Mindset that basically became twised by some seduction e-books.

The whole bad boy thing = rubbish, i know this first hand.
What I need clarification on is the following: Where are the lines drawn...

What separates sexual from creepy?
mysterious from shady/sketchy?
hard to get from asexual?
attactive jerk from "i hate him"
and assertive/aggressive from "eww get away/call the cops!!!"

 

[IceCream]

The reason why people use such things as the "****y" attitudes or try to be "jerks" is because they lack confidence. If you don't lack confidence, then you should be fine. Having to much of it is just as bad/worse as not having much confidence.

 

[lookyoung]

Woman love guys that are goodlooking and tough at the same time. Woman do not want a guy that starts fights, but they want a man they know could protect them from danger.


Are you really that thuggish looking? Post a pic...

 

[danielzxc]

What separates sexual from creepy?
mysterious from shady/sketchy?
hard to get from asexual?
attactive jerk from "i hate him"
and assertive/aggressive from "eww get away/call the cops!!!"

Often, a PRETTY FINE LINE! lol.

That's why rarely will two women (or even people in general) walk away with an identical impression of you. In fact, most of the time, they will get very different impressions of you. No doubt about it, what is "sexual" and "sensuous" to one chick, will be "creepy" and "sleazy" to another.

 

[chancer]

You're a man. You can decide for yourself what's good/bad advice. You're also responsible for your own actions. Take responsiblity. You recently said you were depressed and such, so I'm sure lots and lots of negativity went through your head. Did you feel creepy, shady/sketchy, ect? Realise that you are what you feel and think. It's not what others think. Create your own positive image and run with it. Forget all the nice guy, jerk, thug, ect stuff.

 

[TruthHurts]

I think your a wimpy beta male... prove me wrong.. post that pic

 

[flows101]

dude the reason the bad boy thing didn't work for you is because girls do not like bad boys they like what they represent, shezz wrote something on this (check out the tips thread).
All those things you wanted clarification on all depends on if the girl is ATTRACTED TO YOU if she is it will WORK if she is not then it will NOT WORK, when a girl IS attracted to you do 1 step forward 2 steps back, like ONE nice guy thing TWO bad boy things and so on.

 

[DJVladdy]

http://home.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user&MyToken=93700de4-f4fc-4029-b0b3-85f141beb439

 

[DJVladdy]

just made a myspace... gonna make it more fancy and better when i get in better shape.

 

[Jackman]

I've lived in many different places, and I have to say that Boston is unique in this sense (I currently live here).

In Boston, it is not bad boy vs. nice guy. It's more a class distinction game. The majority of women here, whether they're 20 or 40 years old, tend to flock towards men with an education, far more than women do in general every where else on the planet. However, such a large part of the male population here is college educated that many of these women seek the additional quality of a blue collar ruggedness, which is sort of the equivelant of being a "bad boy".

Basically, the bad ass/jerk persona is better replaced by the "get your hands dirty" kind of thing. They want a guy with a white collar education, job, wardrobe and social skills, but who also has the masculine look and skills of an auto mechanic, so to speak. Simultaneously intelligent and rugged is the best way I can put it. Although this would probibly hold true just about anywhere, it is most specifically true about women in Boston. If you're conveying this properly, you should have no issues what so ever.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...
What separates sexual from creepy?
mysterious from shady/sketchy?
hard to get from asexual?
attactive jerk from "i hate him"
and assertive/aggressive from "eww get away/call the cops!!!"

sexual from creepy

• There needs to be mutual sexual attraction before an advance is recognized as sexual instead of creepy.

mysterious from shady/sketchy

• Sketchy is deliberately hiding things. Mystery is laying out bait which inspires the woman to want to know more. The trick is realizing that you don't need to tell her everything at once. Think of it as extended foreplay.

hard to get from asexual

• If you have learned how to emote sexappeal do it. However, there's no need to be a slave to sex. You emote the confidence of being able to take it or leave it because it seems as if you can get laid without much trouble; you aren't desperate for sex.

attactive jerk from "i hate him"

• You don't have to be a jerk. You just can't be a pushover. In a nutshell, you aren't afraid to say no every once in a while. There is no rule that she gets whatever she wants. It's apparent that you have a purpose in life and it does not focus around women or getting laid so you feel little guilt from not giving her what she wants all of the time.

assertive/aggressive from "eww get away/call the cops!!!

• You need to be a good read of the particular woman you are with. "No" does occasionally mean "yes" but not all of the time. Being able to make a decision shows assertion as well as just telling someone what you want. That is also what differentiates being assertive and aggressive. One is influencing someone, the other is intimidating someone.

 

[DJVladdy]

Yea you guys are right... but we can make it clear that a good person and a wimp is not the same thing

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Yea you guys are right... but we can make it clear that a good person and a wimp is not the same thing

"Good" is a very subjective word.

 

[azanon]

sexual from creepy

• There needs to be mutual sexual attraction before an advance is recognized as sexual instead of creepy.

mysterious from shady/sketchy

• Sketchy is deliberately hiding things. Mystery is laying out bait which inspires the woman to want to know more. The trick is realizing that you don't need to tell her everything at once. Think of it as extended foreplay.

hard to get from asexual

• If you have learned how to emote sexappeal do it. However, there's no need to be a slave to sex. You emote the confidence of being able to take it or leave it because it seems as if you can get laid without much trouble; you aren't desperate for sex.

attactive jerk from "i hate him"

• You don't have to be a jerk. You just can't be a pushover. In a nutshell, you aren't afraid to say no every once in a while. There is no rule that she gets whatever she wants. It's apparent that you have a purpose in life and it does not focus around women or getting laid so you feel little guilt from not giving her what she wants all of the time.

assertive/aggressive from "eww get away/call the cops!!!

• You need to be a good read of the particular woman you are with. "No" does occasionally mean "yes" but not all of the time. Being able to make a decision shows assertion as well as just telling someone what you want. That is also what differentiates being assertive and aggressive. One is influencing someone, the other is intimidating someone.

This is very well done Francisco. Simple, clear, and a very helpful reminder for me and probably for others.