Need some advice

[Maxfarsigth]

I don't trust people with advertising on their signature.

 

[jophil28]

You know what....you're right man!
I will just ask her to go out for lunch with me on tuesday (since we have a short class anyway). Hopefully all will go well. I will ask her tomorrow to arrange it for tuesday because that way it shows that I'm not desperate and want to do it right away.
Thanks man!

Now hear this and believe it- she is just as irritated with the fat guy's intrusions as you are, but women rarely will overtly tell a guy like that to get lost so she will smile and tolerate his clumsy attempts.
IF she is still 'positioning' herself with you in the same way- same attitude, same willingness to see you around and chat, then she is waiting for you to push down on the gas and move it up a gear.
Slow, but steady does it.

 

[blueline]

Try to initiate direct eye contact with her. If I see a girl I like, the interaction is structured COMPLETELY different from this friendly bull****. Where it really matters is the non-verbals and having this light hearted vibe. Comment on her appearance in a joking way (is that your real hair color, only badass girls wear aviators etc), touch her arm, look directly in her eyes (she might not directly give you EC at first, but she will eventually). However, if she does give you direct EC from the beginning, you win.

 

[Tesl]

You know what....you're right man!
I will just ask her to go out for lunch with me on tuesday (since we have a short class anyway). Hopefully all will go well. I will ask her tomorrow to arrange it for tuesday because that way it shows that I'm not desperate and want to do it right away.
Thanks man!

Lunch sounds boring to me, and still doesn't show any intention. You are using "since we have a short class anyway" to hide the fact you want to spend time with her. Stop trying to hide your intentions!!

Ask her out for an evening after school to go grab drinks, without making it sound like there is any pressure on it. Be very nonchalant. She will say yes anyway, but it will feel different to lets-grab-a-quick-lunch-since-its-convenient.

 

[muddy_waters87]

Well, the hard part seems to be over. I invited her to come apple picking with me this weekend. It's going to be a lot of fun, so much that I can hardly wait! I really like this girl (it all started when I noticed she was interested in me), and I don't want to fvck this up. It's been a VERY long time since I have been on a date, and I want to know how to proceed with this. I'm very much out of the loop when it comes to dating.
Here's a bit of history...I'm 23, turning 24 soon, and to be honest, I haven't had a long term relationship yet, just a couple of smaller (short-lasting) flings, with girls I did not care much for. However, like I pointed out, I really do like this girl. I can't even put my finger on it or begin to understand exactly why it's like this, I guess there's just something very attractive about her, at least to me it is. She is smart, funny, and from what I can tell so far, she seems like a very nice, wholesome girl...the kind you would bring home to your momma if you know what I mean here.

I don't want to **** this up by doing my usual "first date" routines that have worked on bedding chicks in the past. It's something more to me with this girl, like I said, I really do care. How do I go about keeping her around? I'm not trying to impress her by any means, but I would very much like to keep seeing her for a while. I am even willing to go out of my way (she lives about 50km away from me) to be with her, and I think she has a pretty good idea on where I stand...after all I'm not that great when it comes to hiding my intentions.

Any tips guys? (This applies to serious guys only. I don't want to hear anything pick up related, since this is more about how to hang onto this babe.)

By the way, as far as looks are concerned, she's about a 7/7.5...by most conventional guys' ratings...but to me her looks don't matter that much. I guess you could say what I like about her best is the fact that she has a very cool, personality, and that we share a whole bunch of things in common as well, so there isn't too much room that I will need to navigate through there.

This other dude...well he's not realizing how to attract her and I can see that. She keeps talking about her TV shows and he keeps saying "I gotta start watching those", while I always do what I want, and since she is the same way, I can see why she likes that about me. Now this guy...from what it looks like to me, he seems to be nothing more than your average AFC. Just yesterday, he was talking about this female friend of his whom he likes and wants to make that become something more, and at the same time, when this chick was away and I was holding her place in line for food, he mentioned that she had just come out of a serious relationship and even if he was interested in her he would wait to move in on her.

I totally get why he was saying this, basically trying to gauge my reaction and remove me from the game, so that he has nothing to worry about. I get it, I was once like that too. He didn't scare me, and from the events that took place today I can safely say that I am very content with my situation with her right now .

Sorry for rambling on...I tend to do that sometimes. My main reason for posting was for advice on how to hang on to her...basically, how NOT to fvck it all up.

Thanks!

 

[Donnie Darko]

Yikes...it really sounds like you have a serious case of oneitus.

Be careful.

Even if things seems to start off well you run the risk of being too into her and acting too interested and completely messing things up.

You need to treat this girl the SAME as any other girl that you would be trying to date and fvck.

Don't treat her special.

Don't put her pvssy on a pedestal.

Just go on your date and have fun with her. Be sexual and make a move.

 

[Radharc]

Well, the hard part seems to be over. I invited her to come apple picking with me this weekend. It's going to be a lot of fun, so much that I can hardly wait! I really like this girl (it all started when I noticed she was interested in me), and I don't want to fvck this up. It's been a VERY long time since I have been on a date, and I want to know how to proceed with this. I'm very much out of the loop when it comes to dating.
Here's a bit of history...I'm 23, turning 24 soon, and to be honest, I haven't had a long term relationship yet, just a couple of smaller (short-lasting) flings, with girls I did not care much for. However, like I pointed out, I really do like this girl. I can't even put my finger on it or begin to understand exactly why it's like this, I guess there's just something very attractive about her, at least to me it is. She is smart, funny, and from what I can tell so far, she seems like a very nice, wholesome girl...the kind you would bring home to your momma if you know what I mean here.

The main problem I see here is that you are on the fast track to a bad case of oneitis, if not there already. You already built a huge pedestal for her.

There´s nothing wrong in knowing what you like and recognizing that in a girl, but (and this is a big but) you also seem like you are a bit inexperienced and will easily let your feelings overwhelm you, and from that to oneitis and extreme afc-ness to develop is a very short step. You seem to be in cloud 9 right now, but the problem is that you need to keep your wits about you, never forget you come first, and after that you come second - not some girl you are interested but still barely know. Don´t be too available, learn about sh1t tests and how to recognize them, remember to lead and to escalate.

If you dont do this pretty soon you'll be posting here asking us why this girl that seemed to be really into you all of a sudden started to look disinterested and cold.

Good luck though.

 

[Iceberg]

The guys are right about the one-itis thing. It's been like 10 years since I "really liked" a girl I haven't even slept with yet. You gotta slow it down and take it one step at a time. Right now, she's a cool girl with some interesting qualities that you wanna find out more about.

Think of it more as an exploration of whether or not she's relationship material and less of a "It's been so long since I've felt this way!!" thing.

 

[loveshogun]

Finish strong

Advice for right now:
Just take it slow and easy with this girl. No rush, no biggie. Everything is gravy.

No BS advice for later:

This may sound harsh in some places, but it's because I feel for your situation, and I know lots of people like you. I was like that once, too.

Well, the hard part seems to be over. I invited her to come apple picking with me this weekend. It's going to be a lot of fun, so much that I can hardly wait!

I want to congratulate you here, first off, because I know what that's like. Proud of ya for puttin' yourself out there. However...

I really like this girl (it all started when I noticed she was interested in me).

... you make it sound like the only reason you like her is because she tolerates your tiptoeing.

You don't even really know her, so you can't really like her... yet. So until you get to know her better (keep an eye out for vindictive behavior, trash talk, rudeness, cruelty, etc), keep your excitement in check.

For all you know, she could have the herp. Or be crazy.

Or, you know, she could be the best thing to ever happen in your life.

The common thread binding all these hypotheses is that you don't know enough about the girl to go either way yet, so don't let your emotions board a bus with an unknown destination.

When this happens, some people call it "puttin' the p*ssy on a pedestal." Because I'm metaphorically inclined, I understand that. However, I call it a "reality distortion field," because that's closer to what this phenomena is: when your own feelings about someone or something start to affect how you see the reality of the situation.

For you, the RDF isn't necessarily harmful at this stage, but the longer you let unfounded emotions (such as reckless adoration) drive your actions, the more your RDF will grow.

The number one consequence of one-itis is the last thing an AFC says to himself right when "Ms. Right" is walking out the door: "Why would she leave? It was going so well! I was so happy!"

There's plenty of advice all around on how to fix one-itis. Look it up.

Remember: The test of a real man is his ability to see things for what they are, not what he wishes them to be.

And the only reason I say this because you seem to be the type to get very excited about things.

And about this...

I really do like this girl.

... a true Don Juan knows when his c*ck is speaking louder than his brain.

I say this, because one of the only things you really know about this girl are her measurements.

I could write an essay on this, so I'll spare you... for now.

All the best, and have fun apple picking. Keep coming back here and let us know how it went. I'm rootin' for ya.

Finally: Remember, emotion is not a bad thing in itself. Emotion is only bad when you knowingly allow it to overturn the smart decisions in your life.

 

[muddy_waters87]

She had to cancel because of family obligations, which actually is understandable because it is Thanksgiving weekend, so I asked her out to the movies instead for sometime next week. She said maybe, that she has to check her schedule...I'm thinking that's a big fat NO, but I'm not going to dwell on it. Fvck it whatever happens, happens. I honestly don't care, don't even know why I almost let this turn into a ONEITIS. Anyways do you guys agree with me? Think that's a NO?

Thanks!

 

[Tiguere]

Yea move on. This chick clearly has no interest in you.

 

[muddy_waters87]

I told her I would give her a call on Sunday OR Monday, whenever I find time. So I was thinking I will call her on Monday night, after all, I don't want to seem desperate or like I'm waiting on her decision (which I am, although I think I know where this is going already). My buddy suggested that I keep trying, seem persistent and something might come of it, if not soon, then later on. Keep it casual, just hang out and then make my move again when the moment is right.
So I will call her on Moday night, what are your thoughts on that?

 

[muddy_waters87]

I just found out both my grandparents have been hospitalized...and they are in Europe (I live in Canada). So to be honest this chick is the last thought on my mind right now. I'm not even going to call her and pretend like I forgot, and since I have a very good reason too, it should seem reasonable. I will just confront her in person on Tuesday and see what she says then.

 

[muddy_waters87]

So I ended up calling her, but she didn't pick up (as expected). What I'm going to do now is try and focus my energy elsewhere. I made myself way too available for her, from helping her with schoolwork when needed, to keeping her company when she was lonely. Now I will pull back, and start seeing other women. I have a date with a gorgeous brunette that a friend set up for me for Wednesday night. I'm going to try to pull myself out of the dreaded "Friend Zone" by becoming less and less available to the chick in my class.
Now my plan is to withdraw interaction with her to the point where she is almost cut off. I will still acknowledge her, but I will treat her exactly the same as everyone else. In the meantime, I will make sure she knows that I am seeing other women, and that she is not on top of my list.
Do you have any other tips I could use to potentially turn this situation around and make it work in my favor?

Thanks!

 

[Iceberg]

Do you have any other tips I could use to potentially turn this situation around and make it work in my favor?

Thanks!

You've been asking about this one girl for nearly two weeks now. Maybe you should stick to your goal of pursuing other girls and forget everything about her.

No girl is this interesting.

 

[muddy_waters87]

You've been asking about this one girl for nearly two weeks now. Maybe you should stick to your goal of pursuing other girls and forget everything about her.

No girl is this interesting.

Especially if she deliberately leads you on. I understand I fvcked up when I didn't take charge and take her out to lunch that one day. That's more than likely the thing that sealed my fate with her. That's why I'm moving on. Thanks for your advice guys.
Besides, maybe if I cut her off she will start to realize what a mistake she's done. I'm the prize here, not her...that's the mentality I should have kept all along instead of allowing myself to be mesmerized by her.

 

[blueline]

Really dude, don't invest in women until you've ****ed them many times and you're in a relationship with one.

 

[blueline]

I mean, the beauty of moving quickly is that you could've avoided all of this right from the get go had you asked her for her digits early on and then proceeded to ask her out. It's really easy. Of course, you might get blown out, but who cares.

You can 'know' when you're gonna be blown out with some girl after you've done a bunch of cold approaches. Cold approaches are the same overall dance as the classroom pickup, but just on a much shorter timescale.

 

[muddy_waters87]

What do you mean ask for the digits early?? I got them on the very first day of classes for crying out loud! LOL

Anyways,
Here's an update, and I promise this one is worth the read. Remember how she said maybe, and I decided to never bring it up again after she missed my calls. Well, she brought it up! She asked me flat out "how come you don't want to take me to see that movie anymore?", to which I replied: "after you ignored two of my calls, I took that as a sign that you are not interested and moved on."
Besides, I started seeing another chick, and I made sure this first one knew of her (playing the jealousy card ). Long story short, it seems to have worked. She asked me out for Tuesday night, but this time I said "I'll think about it and I will let you know if I am not busy then." (Exact same $hit she pulled on me). Well, that seemed to go over well. Just about an hour ago, I got a text message from her saying "I don't know what it is, but I just can't seem to get you out of my head. See you in class tomorrow. ". I ignored it, I'm not going to reply to that msg, and will not mention it tomorrow either. I will make her see through my eyes, and kind of make her see what she was doing to me before I take her out.
Now, she also said that since she had a bad experience with her ex bf (he broke it off with her in a very rude way, to say the least), that she is not interested in dating anyone. She said she doesn't want me to pay for the movie, since that will feel too much like a date to her...which is fine by me. I will just take this as an opportunity to spend some time with her, and make her feel what I feel. I will try David DeAngelo's trick on this one and make it seem like she is pulling all the strings too early (ex. if she grabs my hand and wants me to hold her hand, I will pull away saying "don't you think it's a bit too early for the hand holding right now?", or if she wants a kiss at the end of the night and she goes for it, I will give her nothing more but a quick peck on the lips...you get what I'm saying here). Anyways...never thought that playing the jealousy card would be this effective! I have her right where I want her now! There is no turning back!

 

[Radharc]

I ignored it, I'm not going to reply to that msg, and will not mention it tomorrow either. I will make her see through my eyes, and kind of make her see what she was doing to me before I take her out.
Now, she also said that since she had a bad experience with her ex bf (he broke it off with her in a very rude way, to say the least), that she is not interested in dating anyone. She said she doesn't want me to pay for the movie, since that will feel too much like a date to her...which is fine by me. I will just take this as an opportunity to spend some time with her, and make her feel what I feel. I will try David DeAngelo's trick on this one and make it seem like she is pulling all the strings too early (ex. if she grabs my hand and wants me to hold her hand, I will pull away saying "don't you think it's a bit too early for the hand holding right now?", or if she wants a kiss at the end of the night and she goes for it, I will give her nothing more but a quick peck on the lips...you get what I'm saying here). Anyways...never thought that playing the jealousy card would be this effective! I have her right where I want her now! There is no turning back!

All that planning means you are probably still thinking too much about this girl. And dont go with a mentality, of "im gonna set the wrongs in her right" and make her see what is just and proper behaviour, it doesnt work out that way, you should do it because it shows unavailability and chicks respond to that, not to try to serve some justice or whatever. Women couldnt care less for justice and logic (unless it suits their particular agenda at the moment).

And dont approach the date with a preset bag of PUA tricks, know the principles, know what works and go from there, but dont get into a too fixed routine. If she comes up with something unexpected for wich you have no "line" you'll be thrown off your game.

Good luck.