all im gonna do is give you guys a run down and hope someone gives me some good advice. I have this thing for a girl that hangs around a group of my friends, i catch her staring at me all the time, she finally gave me her number not to long ago and we text back and forth but i cant seem to get her to go out with me. been like 2 weeks now and shes real on and off. The kicker is that she just broke up with her boyfriend about a month ago and shes one of those girls that claims she dosent wanna jump into something. Im not looking for a relationship right now but it would be nice if we could hang out and see if it goes somewhere. any advice on what i should do?
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
need some advice
- Thread starter kiddenvy
- Start date
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
More Info needed....
What is your vibe like when you're talking to her in person?
Are you touchy feely with her ? Is she touchy feely with you, or allow you to touch her ? What is your value like in conjunction to hers ? (are u a 5, her a 10 ?)
Without further information, sounds like you don't have enough value. Get that value up (not through text) and then try your hand at getting her out.
Also, what happens when you ask her out ? How many times have you asked her ?
Classic case of raise value IMHO
-Cod3r
What is your vibe like when you're talking to her in person?
Are you touchy feely with her ? Is she touchy feely with you, or allow you to touch her ? What is your value like in conjunction to hers ? (are u a 5, her a 10 ?)
Without further information, sounds like you don't have enough value. Get that value up (not through text) and then try your hand at getting her out.
Also, what happens when you ask her out ? How many times have you asked her ?
Classic case of raise value IMHO
-Cod3r
theunflushables
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- May 28, 2007
- Messages
- 1,104
- Reaction score
- 20
Also, how often are you texting back and forth? If its an all day everyday thing, back off for a bit. Don't be so accessible.
well honestly, we use to see each other around alot, then we became friends threw facebook, she left me her number and told me to hit her up. So i did and we would talk alot in the begining and then i thought i would play my hand at not texting her for awhile and seeing if i could get her to chase me. well after about 4 days i still didnt hear from her so i just wrote her last night asking her what she was up to and left it at that. As far as touching goes, man there is nothing. even though we talk threw text and on the phone we still dont communicate when we see each other in person. i think think of her as having any higher value than me.
Stop texting. You'll blend in to all the other chumps that text. Call her.kiddenvy said:we text back and forth
.shes one of those girls that claims she dosent wanna jump into something
She'd jump straight into it if she likes you enough and you provide the opportunity.
Don't tell her that.Im not looking for a relationship right now but it would be nice if we could hang out and see if it goes somewhere.
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
No Contact usually works when the girl relies on you for some kind of emotional support.
You only know the girl for 2 weeks, unless the bond/attraction is very strong, you will be worse off if you stop contact.
Keep talking to the girl, until your presence in her life is clear enough that she'll miss you if you disappear.
You only know the girl for 2 weeks, unless the bond/attraction is very strong, you will be worse off if you stop contact.
Keep talking to the girl, until your presence in her life is clear enough that she'll miss you if you disappear.
Man you guys are all over the place. No contact, contact her alot so my presence is knowin. I dont know what to do. the way things have been happening is that i dont hear from her until i text her but then when i text her we will have long conversations. should i just next this one, this situation seems to be to difficult.
so thought i would touch this up with a update in the last 20 min! i wrote her a text and said hey lets get together this week if your cool enough and she replied with im prolly not cool enough! yep i guess that just about says i dont stand a chance in hell!
Frank_Tartaglia
Don Juan
You should have backed off for a couple of days and called her instead. I've always found texting to be a waste of time.kiddenvy said:so thought i would touch this up with a update in the last 20 min! i wrote her a text and said hey lets get together this week if your cool enough and she replied with im prolly not cool enough! yep i guess that just about says i dont stand a chance in hell!
^ ^ texting is only a waste of time if it doesn't get you anywhere, if it gets u what u want, use it
u can't use lines like "hey we should hang out, if ur cool enough" if obviously you don't have enough value in her eyes, that was just suicide, but I think you already knew deep down it was done and now its in your face so thats the upside...
Move on and don't make same mistake again. In person, up your value create attraction as soon as possible, texting and facebook only serve to maintain connections that are already there...
Cod3r
u can't use lines like "hey we should hang out, if ur cool enough" if obviously you don't have enough value in her eyes, that was just suicide, but I think you already knew deep down it was done and now its in your face so thats the upside...
Move on and don't make same mistake again. In person, up your value create attraction as soon as possible, texting and facebook only serve to maintain connections that are already there...
Cod3r
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
ok so im gonna bump this tread and throw out a challenge! So what i ended up doing was calling this girl a wash, didnt seem like i had a chance in hell so i deleted her from facebook and decided not to call or text her anymore. Well last night i get a text from her asking me if i deleted her from fb and i replied with "yes". long story short i tell her she is a waste of my time and she says that she wishes i would have told her i was upset about something. Now today i get a text from her asking me how i am. SO before i screw this up does anyone think they are good enough to talk me threw this? thats my challenge for someone who is 100% confident in there abilities
coronaflash
Don Juan
- Joined
- Oct 20, 2008
- Messages
- 23
- Reaction score
- 0
KiddEnvy,
I was in the same position last week. I cut all contact and suddenly she was back texting. Be very careful with how you proceed. She has lost a source of attention and just wants that attention back. IM me if you need advice.
I was in the same position last week. I cut all contact and suddenly she was back texting. Be very careful with how you proceed. She has lost a source of attention and just wants that attention back. IM me if you need advice.
jophil28
Master Don Juan
Firstly, do you understand what is happening here? No, you don't, and neither do most of the other posters. (Captain excluded)kiddenvy said:ok so im gonna bump this tread and throw out a challenge! So what i ended up doing was calling this girl a wash, didnt seem like i had a chance in hell so i deleted her from facebook and decided not to call or text her anymore. Well last night i get a text from her asking me if i deleted her from fb and i replied with "yes". long story short i tell her she is a waste of my time and she says that she wishes i would have told her i was upset about something. Now today i get a text from her asking me how i am. SO before i screw this up does anyone think they are good enough to talk me threw this? thats my challenge for someone who is 100% confident in there abilities
This chica is what I call a Category 1.(def., A woman who has been separated from an LTR for less that one year)
She is recently broken up, and that makes you 'rebound guy'.. Your purpose (to her at least) is to provide attention and affection to re-inflate her ego and validate her . SHe needs you to chase her to provide the assurance that she "still has it". Women who are on the rebound are notoriously flaky, unreliable and gunshy - because they are mostly only interested in what YOU can provide them. Any expectations by you that she will act decently and reciprocate are experienced by her as burdens and therefore restrictive..
You are in a 'transitional' relationship with her and for her benefit - one in which she is getting what she wants but you are not. If you were, you would not feel the need to post here,right ?
OK, having said that, your approach to date has been exceedingly passive. Where and when have you assumed the leader role. It seems more like you are waiting until she 'feels it" for you and runs into your arms.
Category 1 women need firm and assertive treatment - if you do not lead strongly you will be dangled at the end of a long thin rope and discarded in the FZ when she eventually meets a Bigger Better Deal.