Need some advice on this situation (college kid)

coonsplatoon

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I'm fairly new to TRP and pick up. I'm 21 years old and throughout most of my life i've been a "beta" to say the least. She's one of the first girls I've been gaming since swallowing the pill.

This girl, lets call her Joy, came to my table at the club (didn't tell her to come, came with my roommates GF) We were dancing and making out and then she left to get a drink so when she was gone, I started chatting up another girl at the table who I've hooked up with in the past (Joy knows that i have hooked up with her before because her friend told her) Joy saw this and went completely cold on me. Joy claimed that I was making out with her, which i wasn't. I was probably being a bit too touchy in front of her but we haven't hooked up in a while and we're "friends" now. I didn't intentionally do this to start some BS drama.

I ignored it for a little bit and then I pulled Joy out of the club to talk to her and throw her some comfort to which she was receptive and warm towards, kissed, made up etc. She left after with her friends who were giving me dirty looks and shaking their heads at me in the club throughout the night.

In the month and a half that I've been gaming Joy, I’ve been pretty cold and non comforting towards her. Never giving her much validation, never texting her for anything other than logistics, and always trying to make our hangouts around sex (she's withheld it from me once before intentionally because she felt "used") She's a cool girl and this is our first bit of drama.

I got thrown off center that night and I feel like I maybe ****ed it up with this girl. I told her to hit me up the next day but she hasn't contacted me since then. Yes I know abundance, but is this plate salvageable? What do you guys take away from this/what would you do?
 

lamath

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I'm fairly new to TRP and pick up. I'm 21 years old and throughout most of my life i've been a "beta" to say the least. She's one of the first girls I've been gaming since swallowing the pill.

This girl, lets call her Joy, came to my table at the club (didn't tell her to come, came with my roommates GF) We were dancing and making out and then she left to get a drink so when she was gone, I started chatting up another girl at the table who I've hooked up with in the past (Joy knows that i have hooked up with her before because her friend told her) Joy saw this and went completely cold on me. Joy claimed that I was making out with her, which i wasn't. I was probably being a bit too touchy in front of her but we haven't hooked up in a while and we're "friends" now. I didn't intentionally do this to start some BS drama.

I ignored it for a little bit and then I pulled Joy out of the club to talk to her and throw her some comfort to which she was receptive and warm towards, kissed, made up etc. She left after with her friends who were giving me dirty looks and shaking their heads at me in the club throughout the night.

In the month and a half that I've been gaming Joy, I’ve been pretty cold and non comforting towards her. Never giving her much validation, never texting her for anything other than logistics, and always trying to make our hangouts around sex (she's withheld it from me once before intentionally because she felt "used") She's a cool girl and this is our first bit of drama.

I got thrown off center that night and I feel like I maybe ****ed it up with this girl. I told her to hit me up the next day but she hasn't contacted me since then. Yes I know abundance, but is this plate salvageable? What do you guys take away from this/what would you do?
This is a **** test, you dont need to explain yourself for talking to some old flame you meet a club.

If you feel you did nothing wrong , do t explain yourself, if you do you will lose frame.
Wait for her to get back to you, if she dont NEXT.

Always be your own mental point of origine.
 

oldmanofthesea

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Instead of pulling her out to give her comfort and reward her poor behavior, you should have set a boundary with her by telling her you don't appreciate being accused of something you didn't do and if she did it again, that you weren't interested in continuing to see her.

Don't give any thoughts to what her friends were doing - IE the looks they were giving you etc. Women have their own motivations when it comes to these kinds of things, jealousy, competition, etc. So don't let that cloud your judgement.

As for what to do now, if she withdraws, you withdraw more. You put the ball in her court, time to wait for her to respond. If you haven't heard from her in 1-2 weeks, I'd consider reaching out to her once to try to set a date (mentioning nothing of what happened at the club), but that's it.

It does sound to me like she wants more of a traditional "relationship" with you and she's realizing that this isn't going to happen. Her thing at the club was probably her way of trying to push you toward that (though not an acceptable means of communicating to you). So it may just be that she's not interested in what you are providing anymore and she is moving on.
 

coonsplatoon

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Instead of pulling her out to give her comfort and reward her poor behavior, you should have set a boundary with her by telling her you don't appreciate being accused of something you didn't do and if she did it again, that you weren't interested in continuing to see her.

Don't give any thoughts to what her friends were doing - IE the looks they were giving you etc. Women have their own motivations when it comes to these kinds of things, jealousy, competition, etc. So don't let that cloud your judgement.

As for what to do now, if she withdraws, you withdraw more. You put the ball in her court, time to wait for her to respond. If you haven't heard from her in 1-2 weeks, I'd consider reaching out to her once to try to set a date (mentioning nothing of what happened at the club), but that's it.

It does sound to me like she wants more of a traditional "relationship" with you and she's realizing that this isn't going to happen. Her thing at the club was probably her way of trying to push you toward that (though not an acceptable means of communicating to you). So it may just be that she's not interested in what you are providing anymore and she is moving on.
Thanks for your reply. It clears up a lot of things that I had running through my mind. I know that she wants more of a traditional relationship from me and the fact that I never acted like I wanted one has pushed her away multiple times.

The thing is, her best friend is my roommates boyfriend and she told me before that she's crazy about me and she wants to be exclusive with me but only if i asked because she's too scared to. (i know that she has to ask for it like a big girl and she has to prove to me that she's a quality candidate)

She is afraid to talk to me openly and tell me how she really feels for some reason or another and that surprises me because females are generally very emotional. I'm putting way too much thought into this one girl i know but I'm trying to learn from my experiences and understand female nature. I'm just now remembering that she didn't even say that she thought she saw me hooking up with another girl when i pulled her out, her friend had to tell me. Why's this one afraid to openly communicate? IMO she plays too many mind games (probably due to her age or just being a female) Thoughts?
 

oldmanofthesea

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Some women are just like that, same as some men. Some women will never initiate contact, or will initiate contact but will never initiate a date. They tend to operate more covertly. There could be many reasons for this and one could be that she is afraid of rejection, just like we are. The first person to ask for exclusivity is taking a big risk. They are laying their cards out on the table and they risk losing value in the power struggle that is inter-sexual relationships. If you ARE interested in something serious with a woman, you will want to have the kind of dynamic with her that makes her feel SAFE in taking this risk with you. From the sounds of how you treated her, there is little reason for her to feel safe communicating these things to you. Do not mistake my saying this for suggesting you should have treated her any differently than you did! I am just saying, if you treat a plate like a plate, and are pretty hard with her, don't be so surprised when she doesn't put herself out there to you emotionally.

Back to covert communication.....

Probably the most common example of this: She wants to see you again. Instead of asking you out on a date, she will simply put herself in your orbit by texting you or showing up somewhere she knows you will be. That is her covertly communicating to you that she wants you to ask her out.

Another example, to use your own: She wants something exclusive with you. Instead of telling you what she wants, when she sees you talking, flirting, and/or touching another woman, she throws a fit hoping you will calm her down, and tell her she's the only girl for you and you want something exclusive.

It can be maddening for us guys to intuitively know what women want when they communicate covertly. The best advice I can give on this is that there are quite a few "known" common things that women want, and specific behaviors they manifest when they want it. Start to learn them all (by reading these forums) and you'll start to memorize the easy ones, and then you'll learn the thought pattern better yourself.
 

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coonsplatoon

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Some women are just like that, same as some men. Some women will never initiate contact, or will initiate contact but will never initiate a date. They tend to operate more covertly. There could be many reasons for this and one could be that she is afraid of rejection, just like we are. The first person to ask for exclusivity is taking a big risk. They are laying their cards out on the table and they risk losing value in the power struggle that is inter-sexual relationships. If you ARE interested in something serious with a woman, you will want to have the kind of dynamic with her that makes her feel SAFE in taking this risk with you. From the sounds of how you treated her, there is little reason for her to feel safe communicating these things to you. Do not mistake my saying this for suggesting you should have treated her any differently than you did! I am just saying, if you treat a plate like a plate, and are pretty hard with her, don't be so surprised when she doesn't put herself out there to you emotionally.

Back to covert communication.....

Probably the most common example of this: She wants to see you again. Instead of asking you out on a date, she will simply put herself in your orbit by texting you or showing up somewhere she knows you will be. That is her covertly communicating to you that she wants you to ask her out.

Another example, to use your own: She wants something exclusive with you. Instead of telling you what she wants, when she sees you talking, flirting, and/or touching another woman, she throws a fit hoping you will calm her down, and tell her she's the only girl for you and you want something exclusive.

It can be maddening for us guys to intuitively know what women want when they communicate covertly. The best advice I can give on this is that there are quite a few "known" common things that women want, and specific behaviors they manifest when they want it. Start to learn them all (by reading these forums) and you'll start to memorize the easy ones, and then you'll learn the thought pattern better yourself.
Makes perfect sense. I don't know why but my gut is telling me to reach out towards her. Convince me otherwise please. I usually trust my gut/intuition because it seems to be right most of the time. This situation is really "bothering me" for reasons I don't fully understand. I guess because I've been pretty cold to her.
 

lamath

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Makes perfect sense. I don't know why but my gut is telling me to reach out towards her. Convince me otherwise please. I usually trust my gut/intuition because it seems to be right most of the time. This situation is really "bothering me" for reasons I don't fully understand. I guess because I've been pretty cold to her.
Dont wait it out.
It might have made her insecure but you reaching out will be rewarding a bad behaviors

Dont reward bad behavior with attention.
 

Chi Town

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Yooo you're thinking waaay to deep into this, it's not that serious, relax.

Stop overthinking, just give her a call and have a fun convo, flirty, make her laugh then after 15 to 20 minutes get off the phone, this is you setting you're bait, wait and see if she bites, either way, you shouldn't care so much.......

If you were fvcking 2 other 8+ you would prolly forget about the girl without trying to lol.
 

coonsplatoon

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Yooo you're thinking waaay to deep into this, it's not that serious, relax.

Stop overthinking, just give her a call and have a fun convo, flirty, make her laugh then after 15 to 20 minutes get off the phone, this is you setting you're bait, wait and see if she bites, either way, you shouldn't care so much.......

If you were fvcking 2 other 8+ you would prolly forget about the girl without trying to lol.
Way too deep i know. I'm working on gaming other girls atm as well. As for the phone convo, would you bring up anything about the other night or just chat her up and throw some comfort someway etc.. Never been a big calling guy but then again, i also hate texting Lol. What would you say
 

Chi Town

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Way too deep i know. I'm working on gaming other girls atm as well. As for the phone convo, would you bring up anything about the other night or just chat her up and throw some comfort someway etc.. Never been a big calling guy but then again, i also hate texting Lol. What would you say
Absolutely do NOT bring it up.....

As far as you're concerned you forgot all about it, it never happened
 

coonsplatoon

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Just go with the flow, do you plan conversations with you're friends?
It's the same thing.
I called her yesterday and she didn't answer. Left a message to "call me back when you get a chance" and she never answered. soft next i guess. Work on abundance and my purpose.

Why would she go straight no contact and ignore me? In my opinion, its her friends gassing her up and telling her things (hive mind females, Lol)
 
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