Need some advice on this chick pronto

[#1 P.I.M.P.]

I meet this girl about a year and some ago. We danced a couple and then i got her name. It was a curch event so I saw her again another sunday. I never really used to go often till I meet her bu that's another story. So I saw her again was talkin to her bro and she came up and I said hi what your name again and we got to convo altho her stupid bro keept buttin in. Anyway, during the time I've nown her flirted alot, I invited her to a kinda group date with me her bro and a couple other friends of ours. We sat together got to a little talkin got to know her personality a bit, she really sweet, good sense of humor laughs at my jokes, I'm talkin A1 personality and smart too. Id give her a 9.somthin to 10. I hesitate the give even the most impressive girl a 10 until i know her inside out, i think the only one i would would finally be my wife tho.

Few weeks later we were limeing in her dad's car and she braught up the subject about if we ever went movie town(a new cinema), I said no and that It wasn't really that high on my priorities list. Anyways a couple weeks later I invited to come with me, and her reaction was that she was enthusiastic to go, so i told her saturday, she asked what time, I told her abou 4 and she said she was not sure if she could go cause she and some friends were plannin somthing, eith a beach lime or to go to the same place. Friay now we were limeing and I asked her again about the arrangements if we were still on and she said she can't make it again. When i asked her why, she said she had to study for her exam which was true cause it was just before summer and finals as up and i kew her parents were kinda strict, it coulda be a front also but who knows. Then another time I asked her to come lime and play pool with me and my friends and she said she had to go out but shed see if sghe can make for a half houur atleast. She didnt make it. Over the months i asked her out a couple times again i think i got her maybee once or twice. One time she sorta asked me out.

The senario was that her bro came by me and told me that she and some friends were limeing at a particular spot and she wanted to know if i would come. I said why'd she just call me and ask. When I asked what time he said they'ed been there since about 8:30 and bear in mind it was minuets to 9 and i was in the middle of a workout and i told him the timeing was bad. So i finshed up mu workout in about 15 minuets and was in the bath gettin ready, when i heard a car and her voice. I quickly ran out but it was too late, she left. Called her up now after i was done, (phone wasn't working at the time so i used a payphone. I asked her what was up, she told me that her brother told me tha We (me and my friends) would be their so she went with a coulpe friends. This whole senario i find kinda strange cause if se fould out lastminute how could she have fond time ti bring friends. anyway, whatever. So she ask me now if I was going to se matrix the day after, and i told her yes if she would like to come. She said yes and after a while of conversin i convinced her that we would need to get tickets in advance cause of the anticipated rush and she agreed, she wanted to go with her car but i said i would do it (gots to be the man). Anyway, so i said i would call ner back in the mornin and see what the story was. When i called her now we talked for a while and she said a couple of her friends wanted to come (girls i believe) so I was trying to arrange how much tickets to get. After a while she said she would have to ask her friend howmuch tickets to buy and would call me back. when she did her friend said she wasn't gong again and so it was back to me and her and two of my friends again. Then finally she agreed and asked how she would get back home, since i didn't have a car travelin would be the only means, then she finally said se wouldn't bother to go agin she'd go with the friend and withe me again to see the same movie another time, i never really took her up on it. one time i asked her if she saw the movie and she said no but i never really picked her up on it, i guess i was kinda lazy to go and see that one again.

Anway we went out on a couple dates all group with other people around. Altho weve had our one on ones, we never really had one in a date settin, in order so both parties know where the relationship is headin. Over the year we remained friends, we talked wh hund out. One time I rememberd she stared at me for like 15 minuets straight when we were playing bingo, not sure if she was doing it as to signal intrest or just was teasing. On other occations I noticed she always reterned my tearms of endarement. Like when I rode up to her place one evening to see her, and i was leaving, she said to make sure and reach home safely and make sure nothing happens to me, I realized that was my line. Another time when i got cut playing basketball she seemed very sympatetic to my wounds and was very attentive and wanted to know if i needed a plasta, i told her it was alright and i don't feel pain much. She's been giveing alot of little signals to signal intrest. Also alot of other guys like her and when they ask her out they say she sets them up. One other guy i heard asked her for a relationship and she said she was not ready for one yet, but that was him.

She's also a kinda relgous girl and the religion belives that 'boyfirend girlfriend relationships are not acceptable and only courting when to peple are ready to get married is. She seems to stick by these and i don't think she ever had a real boyfriend or anyone serious. I still want to be first.

But here's where the problem started. I aquired her icq numbe and sent her a poem under an anomous name (not sure if that was AFC or not). She replied and said it was really sweet and wanted to know who sent it. I said it would be revealed in time and i had another one to send. later that week at meeting now she saw me and had a big grin on her face and was going to say somthing but i kinda cut her off. But then I realized the she figured out it was me who sent it to her. Not to anyone trying to be anomous, if u make an anomous user make sure not to put your midle and last name on it. She didn't know my middle name but i guess she figured it out by my last. So she spilled my beans. Anyway at the same meetin now I smsed her on her cell, again this time again anomous. I did it a couple times and i guess she didn't know it was me, altho she might have suspected. Next evening when i told her that i messaged her she asked me why i sent her all those messages and if i could stop. I felt really bad and i called her and said i was sorry and she said alright. Then i sent her an e-mail telling her I was sorry and that just missed her and got carried away, and that she knows how i feel about her, and it was kinda poetic. I asked her if we were still friends (no no right there I realized) and if she would ever forgive me and if she could ever like me again i even worked in a little simple plan (sorry I'm not perfect in there). To my surprise she didn't answer. After that I don't see her much again since she now dosn't come to meeting again since she started doing evning classes. In fact I only tlked to her once after that at the doctors and she was with her mom so i didn't get to talk to her much or aske her why she didn't asnwer and how come she dosn't use icq again since i could never get her again. So the situation kinda put me in an awkward state where i haven't called her in months. I do see her off and on but usuall when shes in her parents car and she just waves.

I'm gonna get to see her in a while again and i just want some advice on the situation. Some other guys on another board told me that i should wait for her move and that i may have onitis. Altho, i have other girls who like me and even ask me out i still think about her alot. Even this girl that one of my friends says is bettter looking than the said other likes me but i just don't feel it for her, i usally need somthing more than just look to really be intrested in a girl ad those others just don't bring it up in me right now. I really would like to date her often and get to know her better and explore if we could be exclusive.

Need some advice please PIMPs pronto.

 

[backbreaker]

Hi, I will try to be accurate in my answer, because I know this is important to you, and I would want the same.

First, your problem started when you first started talking to her. You were to flexable. A rule of thumb I have adapted is that, " how would I handle this situtation if I were talking to 6 girls at the same time". In other words, a girl is being undescive on if she wants to go out, why waste your time on her, when you have 5 other girls in the wings. You might not have the girls yet, but you get the point.

Then, first off, you NEVER take a girl to the movies on the first date. The first date should always be something relaxing like a coffee shop, ice cream or skating in the park. Something short and sweet. Get to KNOW her, and not in a friendly way.

Then when you make it to the movies, why did you bring your friends? The last thing you want her to think is that she is one of your "friends". If I take my 5 best friends out, and bring a girl I am interested with, what is she supposed to think?


Also, I can tell you are a pretty smart person. Seriously. You think of things in a math/logic terms. That's what you are trying to do by posting all of her "clues and signals" and trying to get an answer. That's the exact same problem I had, and have to break myself form it still time to time. You have to stop. You are overanalyzing.

In other words, I have a very, very attractive friend, who cares about me alot. Rather i like her is not the point, but I had been working 50 hours straight one day, and she brought me a home cooked meal to my job with a flower and gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me she was proud of me and my work ethic. We sat down and talked for around 30 mintues and it was a very, very warming feeling. However, at the end of the day, I know she cares about me because she is a good friend. I would do the same for her, but not because I want to date her, because she is my friend. Friends care for each other.

A good rule of thumb is that if you have to analzye things, she does have some feelings for you, period.

It's not "may" to it. YOu have a classic case of oneitis, but we all get it. NO biggie.

The common answer would be to " do things, get a life, dive into your hobbies". That's not bad advice, but I know where you are coming from.

She knows how you feel about her, so the cat's out of the bag, don't make it worse by acting like it was wrong of you do so. YOu have to make her earn your respect and time first.

YOu really, really need to read the DJ bible. That's not a bad thing, but your problems seem to be pretty basic. Nothing that can't be handled, but any problem that a member here has is a problem of mine, and I wish you the best.

 

[Move]

Wise words there backbreaker. I agree 100% with what you said

Oneitis is a curse. Its affects our lives in big ways. Its one of the main reasons relationships fall apart. Im sure most of us have been there at least once (i sure have). But knowing the info on these pages, we can identify our (love) sickness and make steps to ensure this never happens again.

Personally when i think back to how lovey dovey i was in past relationships i feel disgusted at my AFC'ness.
Another example is when we are single and happy and we see people kissing and cuddling on the street we usually mutter under our breath "get a room" or something like that.

Im not sure if its possible as i havent been there, but it would be great to have another chance with that 'one' girl and do it all RIGHT - the DJ way.

Is this a dream? I wouldn't mind feedback on this!!

Ultimately i believe you will have to spread your love out a little more in other girls directions as well as doing things for yourself and let her start chasing YOU. The tables CAN turn... It works!!

Good luck with everything buddy, let us know what happened after you gave her the ultimatum.

 

[backbreaker]

Thanks move.

The best thing you could do is start dating someone else. However, for ovbiousl reasons, I doubt that would happen.

The next best thing you can do is to fufill your life with things that give it meaning besides her.

PERFECT example:

There is this girl, who i have quasi-feelings for, i like her but i know it wouldnt' work. Nevertheless, she has been acting really, really flaky with me recently. So I decided she needed a bump down on my prority list, not that she was high in the first place.

She called me last weekend, and I didn't pick up the phone.

I wasnt' suprised when she didnt' call me back the next copuple of days, it was a classic game of cat and mouse.

She broke down and called me yesterday, but I was busy, and didn't want to talk to her anyway.

So I had left my phone at home and when i get ready to go to sleep i check my messages and this girl who I have not talked to in almost 2 and a half weeks because of her flakiness, called me and left 3 messages in 4 hours. I figured I had won the game of cat and mouse and rewareded her by calling her briefly.

Even when I got on the phone, and it was already late, she did not want to let me get off.

Anyway, just showing you how you can turn the tables.

 

[#1 P.I.M.P.]

Originally posted by backbreaker
Hi, I will try to be accurate in my answer, because I know this is important to you, and I would want the same.

First, your problem started when you first started talking to her. You were to flexable. A rule of thumb I have adapted is that, " how would I handle this situtation if I were talking to 6 girls at the same time". In other words, a girl is being undescive on if she wants to go out, why waste your time on her, when you have 5 other girls in the wings. You might not have the girls yet, but you get the point.

Then, first off, you NEVER take a girl to the movies on the first date. The first date should always be something relaxing like a coffee shop, ice cream or skating in the park. Something short and sweet. Get to KNOW her, and not in a friendly way.

Then when you make it to the movies, why did you bring your friends? The last thing you want her to think is that she is one of your "friends". If I take my 5 best friends out, and bring a girl I am interested with, what is she supposed to think?


Also, I can tell you are a pretty smart person. Seriously. You think of things in a math/logic terms. That's what you are trying to do by posting all of her "clues and signals" and trying to get an answer. That's the exact same problem I had, and have to break myself form it still time to time. You have to stop. You are overanalyzing.

In other words, I have a very, very attractive friend, who cares about me alot. Rather i like her is not the point, but I had been working 50 hours straight one day, and she brought me a home cooked meal to my job with a flower and gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me she was proud of me and my work ethic. We sat down and talked for around 30 mintues and it was a very, very warming feeling. However, at the end of the day, I know she cares about me because she is a good friend. I would do the same for her, but not because I want to date her, because she is my friend. Friends care for each other.

A good rule of thumb is that if you have to analzye things, she does have some feelings for you, period.

It's not "may" to it. YOu have a classic case of oneitis, but we all get it. NO biggie.

The common answer would be to " do things, get a life, dive into your hobbies". That's not bad advice, but I know where you are coming from.

She knows how you feel about her, so the cat's out of the bag, don't make it worse by acting like it was wrong of you do so. YOu have to make her earn your respect and time first.

YOu really, really need to read the DJ bible. That's not a bad thing, but your problems seem to be pretty basic. Nothing that can't be handled, but any problem that a member here has is a problem of mine, and I wish you the best.

I know what your saying bout the oneitis thing, since i heard it the first time form somone ive been trying to get ove it and i have to some extent. I'm not overly concerned about the outcome whatever it is. I just don't see much if any of her right now and would rather have her back in my life if even as a friend. She's a really cool person and we share some similar intrest.

About the over analysing thing, ive been through that and I always tend to be afraid to jump to conclutions because of overanalysing thing and I know mu tendance. Bu being way from her for a while ive had alot of time to think and analysing all the situtions and plus how she looks at me with those wanting eyes, i know she has feelings of some sort for me.

About doing alot of stuff, I'm in the works right now. At the time when I meet her I was buming a little bit, but right nw I started colledge and workout when off pluss I have exams and am involved with the church so free time is very limited.


I read the bible some parts of it but some i have yet to finish and some yet to start, but like i said time is limited.

 

[#1 P.I.M.P.]

Originally posted by backbreaker
Thanks move.

The best thing you could do is start dating someone else. However, for ovbiousl reasons, I doubt that would happen.

The next best thing you can do is to fufill your life with things that give it meaning besides her.

PERFECT example:

There is this girl, who i have quasi-feelings for, i like her but i know it wouldnt' work. Nevertheless, she has been acting really, really flaky with me recently. So I decided she needed a bump down on my prority list, not that she was high in the first place.

She called me last weekend, and I didn't pick up the phone.

I wasnt' suprised when she didnt' call me back the next copuple of days, it was a classic game of cat and mouse.

She broke down and called me yesterday, but I was busy, and didn't want to talk to her anyway.

So I had left my phone at home and when i get ready to go to sleep i check my messages and this girl who I have not talked to in almost 2 and a half weeks because of her flakiness, called me and left 3 messages in 4 hours. I figured I had won the game of cat and mouse and rewareded her by calling her briefly.

Even when I got on the phone, and it was already late, she did not want to let me get off.

Anyway, just showing you how you can turn the tables.

About cat and mouse that game i feel has been going on too long between the two of us and i'm not sure if anyone's winning. She called me once to ask me some stupid question can't remember what it is right now, but i didn't start any conversation with her and just said by. I thing 4-5 months of cat and mouse is enough.

 

[backbreaker]

The best way in my opinion to get over oneitis is simple:

Think about this:

Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't appricate the effort you have made towards her? It's that simple for me.

 

[#1 P.I.M.P.]

I would start dateing other girls but a few problems are that most of the other girls I'm not intrested in enough to make an effort. Their's one I am tho. The same one that one of my friends said was pretier than her, and she likes me to and made a play at me in the drugstore where she works too and shes very attractive but, I don't want to go down that road cause I know it might make her jealous, just the fact that someone said she was better lookin make it weird and look like if i'm only lookin fr the most attractive girl and would jump to somthing better the first chance i get. And it really anoyed me that he asked if i have ever meet her infront of her and said that she was more attractive, like if i would jump ship just like that. I should go out more and meet more chicks but i just don't have time for it right nowwith shcool and evrything. Chicks are limeted to who I meet at shcool (being a college dominated by mostly males), gym, church, old friends, and whoever i might sprin a conversation on in a libary or mall or somthing which are harder that most other settings.

That's true about the fact if she dosn't show appriciation but she dose sort because remember the time when i really didn't ask her out but she sota hinted at it that enough appriciation of my intrest for me.

And I thing that the reason that she might prefer dates in a group setting is because she's a Jehova'switness and they have this view that if your not serous about getting maried u shouldn't be dateing and only courtship should lead up to marriage. But how are u gonna know if your serious about somone unless u date them. Also my brother is friends with her bro and he told me that she isn't accustomed to having a BF and that some friends of hers advised her tht she should date just like one of her friends who is also a witness (they do it on a kinda low scale secretive knida way where they an't official but are seen as close friends) so when they avised her that she should be like that she said no but that was then I don't know if she still holds the same view.Right now I know she has alot of friends and suitors but I don't think she's had a real BF yet.

 

[Move]

Its hard to kick oneitis but using some positive thinking can always help... more than you know!

Im personally using the following:
Remember that oneitis is a dramatically altered state of mind. Oneitis is that sick puppy love that feels like a drug, and what goes up must come down eventually.
You wouldn't wanna be in a relationship and be that submissive ***** again.
The only way to do it is to learn to love yourself and being with her would stop you from doing that!

But its ultimately up to you PIMP - be strong, it pays off.

 

[#1 P.I.M.P.]

Ok Im bringing back up this thread again cause I meet this girl again and i wanna know if I'm doing evrything right. I saw her at chuch as usual, she saw me but she dived out early cause I don't know if she didn't want to get pulled into a long conversation or what( she usually leaves early after church). anyway, we had this concert and she was there with her mom. I saw her glanceing toward me but she didn't pay her much attention. Sat with my friends on the other end. Saw her walk over to my side while the show was almost over. She smiled a little then walked by to the bathroom( l suspect). Part of me was saying to wait until she comes out an go talk to her but part was saying to play with her a bit. As she came back now i remained seated, she came up right to where i was sitting, leaned up on the wall, and you know that kind of look girls give you where they look to see if your watchin then they turn back quickly, she was over there leaning rubbin her shoulders like she was cold and i was tempted to go over and tell her that I knew how to keep her real warm. I however resisted, and decided to play with her a bit andlet her no she can't have her cake and eat it. After a minuet she went back to her mom and friends.

Later after the show, I flirted with some chicks hung out outside some chicks came and talked to me, but I hadn't talked to her alth I saw her across the room and she saw me. After a while she left and they went to their car and I came up as I was leavin too and said. Goodnite (her name here) She said alright. Isaid how are you she replied the usual "Fine". I said so evrything's just dandy then, and she sad yeah, and I said see you later then. Quick and to the point.

I was wondering if this was the right thing to do and if I should start back Kino in her and flirting and all that or if I should aproach her at all, and just keep it simple with a smile how your doing and light touch. Any Ideas. Also should i start picking up on the other chick who hitin on me who some found was more attractive than her (altho I didn't) and make her jealous or is this a bad move.