Need some advice from guys who have been in LTR's.

[Pimp-sicle]

I think looking back you can see the major shift in your relationship occurred once you moved in with her. I made this mistake once in my early 20's thinking it would be the best idea ever; sex all the time, being around the person you really like etc; TOTALLY WRONG.

The reason things were so good in the beginning is because her IMAGINATION was working in your favor. When you two weren't together she had to wonder what you were doing, and girls have this great way of always imagining the worst (meaning you were likely with other girls in her mind) aka competition anxiety.

Once you moved in with her and became dependent on her for your happiness, the thrill, the chase, the challenge was gone. And that was likely the case for awhile, before all this blew up recently.

If you decide to meet up with her, I think your BEST move for now if you want her back is to AGREE with her on the break up. Don't get whiney, don't talk about feelings etc. Just be neutral, tell her you spent sometime thinking and you think its for the best that you guys do your own thing.

Then go No Contact on her, work on yourself, IMPROVE yourself and once you have your emotions in check, you might be able to re-kindle on your terms.








PIMP

 

[fuko2007]

Thanks for all the advice guys. I sort of took bits an pieces of what everyone has said and armed myself with them. When we talked we talked about some of the things that made us mad at each other and being with each other 24-7 was one of them. Also not being able to go out and not make the other person feel guilty etc. I also said i was going to take some time to myself and start doing the things i enjoyed to do and spend more time with friends. But all and all we were able to identify the issues come to a solution and implament it. Pretty much the same way we both were at the start of seeing each other. Not around eachother 24-7 and stuck up each others butts. Hopefully this will work out and begin to put things back on an even keel.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

She has to FEEL like you could walk at any moment. If she still has your ballz in her purse, it won't change much except for you guys not fighting as much from spending less time together.

Women want you when they feel like your just out of their reach.







PIMP

 

[fuko2007]

so what do you think i should do as the next step? figured when i said spend time with some friends she might go into that mentality of ooooo **** i could loose him again like i did before. I have blown her off a few times over friends. And when im out with them she has no clue what im doing

 

[GotED?]

*BE INDIFFERENT

*HAVE YOUR OWN OPINION

*DON'T AGREE TO EVERYTHING SHE WANTS IF YOU DON'T WANT IT

*MAKE HER PAY SOMETIMES

*DON'T INITIATE I LOVE YOU's OR DISPLAY OF AFFECTION (but DO respond!)

*NEG HER WHEN APPROPRIATE SO SHE FEELS SHE IS NOT MEETING YOUR REQUIREMENTS

*DRESS UP AND SHAPE UP SO OTHER WOMEN TURN THEIR HEADS FOR YOU (trust me, she'll notice)

Good luck.

Exodus

 

[fuko2007]

*BE INDIFFERENT

*HAVE YOUR OWN OPINION

*DON'T AGREE TO EVERYTHING SHE WANTS IF YOU DON'T WANT IT

*MAKE HER PAY SOMETIMES

*DON'T INITIATE I LOVE YOU's OR DISPLAY OF AFFECTION (but DO respond!)

*NEG HER WHEN APPROPRIATE SO SHE FEELS SHE IS NOT MEETING YOUR REQUIREMENTS

*DRESS UP AND SHAPE UP SO OTHER WOMEN TURN THEIR HEADS FOR YOU (trust me, she'll notice)

Good luck.

Exodus

thanks exodus....ive lost 25 pounds down to 185 now....starting to get my sense of style back...i have noticed that with that by confidence is coming back and when i walk itno a room women are starting to turn their heads again and they give compliments about how i look good etc...even when she is in the same room

 

[5string]

She has to FEEL like you could walk at any moment. If she still has your ballz in her purse, it won't change much except for you guys not fighting as much from spending less time together.

Women want you when they feel like your just out of their reach.







PIMP

This is spot on!

 

[zinc4]

So ive been in a semi-LTR you could say for about 2 years off and on. This past 2 months it has been falling apart on her side. I pretty much lived with her and now she is getting upset because we are around eachother 24-7 and she cant get things done and is off ched etc etc. Pretty much excuses , anyway i got most of my things out and wont be staying with her. I wanted to ask you guys nights are very hard for me since we slept beside each other for so long. I cant sleep and get very up set and my gut starts churning. What did yall do to help? Yes this is a case of oneitis.

When we first started seeing each other i just went over there fvucked her and left then or the next morning and didnt like her touching me or trying to kiss me. It up set her so i came around and now she got it and now she is getting mad or whatever now that she has. At a total loss . If yall could give me some advice and or tips on what yall did to help would be nice.

just endure the pain...but you will be stronger later and be thankful for it....also start meeting other women

 

[fuko2007]

Update: Things have been going much better. She askes me if i would like to hang out and do stuff etc. Her mood is much better also, we can talk and carry conversations again with out closed ended answers etc. But still treading lightly and have my guard up.

 

[fuko2007]

update- stayed togther again last night ...things went well...we cooked out and watched some tv. It was a fun night... will keep updateing

 

[switch]

men without hobbies about which they are passionate are hopeless, really. I just go hunting, hiking, or shooting (preferably all 3); Take some sleeping pills and get over it. Most of the rest of the world's population loses kids to hunger or fighting, and you are crying over a breakup? Get a life, man.

Rep+

 

[fuko2007]

Rep+

i do all sorts of things....sailing...fishing...hunting...just picked up skydiving but cant do that everyweekend. But im a pretty avid hunter. Mostly hogs these days...slay them with the M4.

 

[fuko2007]

Update- lastnight got kinda rocky. I was able to defuse it though. Supposed to take a day trip out of town tomorrow. Hope it goes ok.

 

[zinc4]

Update- lastnight got kinda rocky. I was able to defuse it though. Supposed to take a day trip out of town tomorrow. Hope it goes ok.

spin plates man and don't take her seriously...you guys with your onenitis

 

[XR 600]

Go on the day trip..if SHE pays.Dont jump thru hoops for her! Go ghost.

 

[The_411]

This isn't going to end well because no matter how much you mask your neediness she will still be able to sense it. Look at your last few posts they all reek of outcome dependency. Once you are dependent on a girl to make you happy you're f'd

 

[fuko2007]

so i went out of town this weekend and had a good time. She started to guilt trip me before i left but stood up for myself . She called me after that convo and i didnt pick up. she left a voice mal along the lines of i didnt mean to scre up your weekend bla bla i hope you have a good time bla bla. Anyway havnt seen her up until yester night and when we got up this morning she was all distant again and acting weird. Our relationship is to the point to where I have to schedule sex and more than half the time it doesnt work out beacuse she says she is to stresssed and her body cant do it when she is. But when we got up this a.m. i asked her when were we going to fVuck? this week? she said back in a very dull tone "yeh".

Used to be back in the day she would call me multiple times a week to come over and bang. now its almost none. And contacting its me all the time asking if she wants to do something or hang or whatever. And when i do i can never get a straight foward answer or she gets mad and says she has no control over her life etc. This will be even after a few days of not seeing eachother and shes gone to the bar after work etc and complains how she does not have time to get anything done and like i said if i ask her to do anything its either circumvent the queston or its a problem.

Its really starting to get to me again im not going to lie. Then sometimes she throws things out there like weve got to do this or go here or try this. So its like being strung along. She basically said she acts like this due to being really stressed out. But when she goes to this bar and is talking to people shi is all nice and smiles and flirty. that **** really makes me mad. then when we are alone its hey im glued to my phone talking about what happend at work today or im going to be a ***** and act depressed or say i have to get something done so dont get mad if i dont pay you attention because i should have taken the 30 hours a spend at this bar after work and gotten something done. I used to be able to drop her like a bad habit and she would start texting me "you sure fell off the face of the earth etc." But now i just get that **** feeling of i dont want to lose this person. It sucks. Just at a cross roads and dont know where to go with it. Some part of me says stick it out and another says leave. But the leave part is all intertwined with the gut wrenching feeling of loseing someone and all that. Any help?

 

[fuko2007]

happend just like i thought....she had my wallet and i was trying to get it back. she said just come by X wich is the bar i was talking about. I said no im im not coming up there. mean while before thiks she said she was only having 2 beers and had a meeting to get ready for that night that is supposed to take place today. But she sends me a text saying i think im just gonna stay up; here for a while. This is after she tells me i feel like i have no control over my life ...i just want to go have a beer and not have plans bla bla bla.