Need some advice from guys who have been in LTR's.

[fuko2007]

So ive been in a semi-LTR you could say for about 2 years off and on. This past 2 months it has been falling apart on her side. I pretty much lived with her and now she is getting upset because we are around eachother 24-7 and she cant get things done and is off ched etc etc. Pretty much excuses , anyway i got most of my things out and wont be staying with her. I wanted to ask you guys nights are very hard for me since we slept beside each other for so long. I cant sleep and get very up set and my gut starts churning. What did yall do to help? Yes this is a case of oneitis.

When we first started seeing each other i just went over there fvucked her and left then or the next morning and didnt like her touching me or trying to kiss me. It up set her so i came around and now she got it and now she is getting mad or whatever now that she has. At a total loss . If yall could give me some advice and or tips on what yall did to help would be nice.

 

[zekko]

Guys will tell you to spin plates or fvck 10 other women or stuff like that. Nothing wrong with that, if that's what you want to do, other women can be a comfort. But I think the truth is nothing is going to help the pain of seperation except time, the hurt will fade with time. What's most important is to not idealize the woman, honestly look at all of her bad points and why she wasn't a good match for you. She abandoned you, therefore she isn't the right person to meet your needs.

Also learn whatever you can from the relationship. Case in point:

I pretty much lived with her and now she is getting upset because we are around eachother 24-7 and she cant get things done and is off ched etc etc.

Look, just because you lived with each other (or "pretty much" lived with her) is not a good reason to be around each other 24-7 and abandon all your other interests and obligations. It sounds like this woman was ignoring her responsibilities to spend time with you, which is ridiculous. You still have to keep your own lives going and stay strong, you see what happens when you don't.

 

[fuko2007]

Guys will tell you to spin plates or fvck 10 other women or stuff like that. Nothing wrong with that, if that's what you want to do, other women can be a comfort. But I think the truth is nothing is going to help the pain of seperation except time, the hurt will fade with time. What's most important is to not idealize the woman, honestly look at all of her bad points and why she wasn't a good match for you. She abandoned you, therefore she isn't the right person to meet your needs.

Also learn whatever you can from the relationship. Case in point:

Look, just because you lived with each other (or "pretty much" lived with her) is not a good reason to be around each other 24-7 and abandon all your other interests and obligations. It sounds like this woman was ignoring her responsibilities to spend time with you, which is ridiculous. You still have to keep your own lives going and stay strong, you see what happens when you don't.

thanks...some of the best advice yet

 

[plate's_empty]

Look, just because you lived with each other (or "pretty much" lived with her) is not a good reason to be around each other 24-7 and abandon all your other interests and obligations. It sounds like this woman was ignoring her responsibilities to spend time with you, which is ridiculous. You still have to keep your own lives going and stay strong, you see what happens when you don't.

Very true. Even if she tells you that she wants to make dinner for you every night and then watch a movie and snuggle and **** like that. In her mind that's what she wants...at that time. It'll be great until one night she decides she's bored and YOU'RE the cause for her boredom, even though you're doing exactly what she said she wanted.

I am one of the few people on this site that believes that to have a strong and healthy LTR compromises need to be from both parties...not just her. But make sure you have your own life as well, your own hobbies. Don't be 100% dependent on her.

 

[Plutoman]

When you've lived with a woman for a significant period of time, all that helps is time. I found it took a good 6 months before I adjusted back to sleeping alone. I still miss the emotional connection.

Go out, meet other girls and eventually the feeling will fade.

 

[fuko2007]

thanks ghuys lots of good advice

 

[AmIAFC]

Hence the phrase, "His/her presence will be missed."

Time is the only remedy.

I'm in a LTR myself and it took me close to a year to get used to sleeping with another body in the bed. On the days she's away, I just crash on the couch, since my body is accustomed to sleeping on it solo; whereas it's not when lying on the bed. So a good idea might be to start off with sleeping on secondary furniture that you're used to lying alone on.

Others might suggest finding a replacement but I think you simply need to be reacclimated with sleeping alone and breaking your nocturnal dependence on the presence of others.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I don't want you to feel like I'm kicking you when you're down, but the codependency that makes you lonely now is the same force that broke up your relationship in the first place. Avoiding that is the key for your next relationship. But before that, you need to first feel happy being alone, which is another key for all relationships.

 

[fuko2007]

thanks guys. We got into a big fight monday that was the game ender. should have known all these things. I just dont understand about how she can just be like **** you im done then text me about when can i come to get my stuff because she has dinner plans with a guy friend. I blew up when she said that. Dont get how she can be sp cruel.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Feeling that way is only normal. But letting her know that you feel that way will only make things worse.

 

[zekko]

Feeling that way is only normal. But letting her know that you feel that way will only make things worse.

Agreed.

 

[expos]

she has dinner plans with a guy friend. I blew up when she said that. Dont get how she can be sp cruel.

First - she said it to make you jealous. I've been there before, twice. Cruel, co-dependent, needy b*tches say things like this to get you to chase after them...they get off on it and it gives them perceived power.

You need to act like you are not affected by it...and don't jump to any conclusions as to what they are doing...she could have made it all up. Fact: chicks tell a f*ckload of lies because they are incredibly insecure people.

Don't be AFC, don't whine and beg for her to come back. It won't work. Chicks don't want a guy like that.

Be Alpha, be strong. Act like you don't give f*ck, date other women, and watch them crawllllllll back in pain.

 

[fuko2007]

yeh im dont trying to explain how i feel because she does not care. But what dao yall think i should do as of this point with this huge void and all this hurt and anger in my life. Im not going to text her or anything about my stuff either.

 

[expos]

yeh im dont trying to explain how i feel because she does not care. But what dao yall think i should do as of this point with this huge void and all this hurt and anger in my life. Im not going to text her or anything about my stuff either.

Step 1: Delete all contacts, emails, phone numbers, etc. Don't even get the urge to contact her. Don't be a p*ssy. If you were not married to this person, you owe them absolutely nothing right now.

Step 2: Go out and hit on as many as women as possible. You'll get friendzone'd a few times. This is OK. Hang out with other girls in some sort of capacity. Learn more about other women. You've been around one woman for two years so you need to acclimate yourself to what other women are like. If something comes of it, like a hot chick is into you, follow through with it.

Step 3: Get active, constantly make plans and have stuff lined up on weekends, weekdays, whatever. Do you have friends?....hang out with them a lot. Don't sit at home and do nothing, I've been there. BAD NEWS.

Step 4: If the ex comes back into your life (she may not), play hard to get, play hard ball. Read the DJ Bible on this forum. Don't give in right away...you need to make this girl f*cking work to get you back.

 

[fuko2007]

Thanks guys...trying my hardest right now. Have to go over and get my stuff this afternoon. She texted the other night to see if i wanted to watch a movie ...i did we held hands kissed good by and thats about it. Then yesterday she blew up on me when i asked what her plans were after 5 since she said it would have to be before then when i got my stuff. But pretty shook up about what has to be done today. hung out with some friends and shot guns sunday and started my skydiving lessons saturday so pretty busy weekend. But the week nights alone are kicking my butt. I know she has or is going out and cutting up with guys etc but is this even bothering her at least a tiny bit? maybe masked emotions?

 

[GotED?]

Dude - get a NEW LIFE.

Go join MEETUP.COM and find things you like to do in a group setting, before you know it - you will be enjoying the company of other new friends, BOTH men and women.

This is how I got over my previous ex-gf of living together for 6 months. She was quite hot but after you have had enough 'hot' looking women, and understand under that plaster of pretty skin and eye socket; there's typically a raging b!tch man in a woman's meat suit ready to get out after they can't keep up the feminine act for the first 3-6 months of a relationship.

It could be that you are still not too experienced and this woman is the best you think you have had yet in your life. More of the reason to join reality and understand that sometimes you have to wave goodbye to welcome something even more amazingly better.

Men who are more sensitive or had difficulties with childhood (especially unaffectionate mothers) tend to view life as more pessimistic and negative. Don't let the conditioning of your past dictate your future.

You have choices - make the choice to have a fabulous future with another woman who is going to knock you off your arse and you won't have a thought about your previous ex-gf until you cross over to the otherside 50 years from now and kick her slimey vaginal arse in spirit.

No, this is not a spiritual thread, but you can bring buddha, meditation, etc if you like LOL.

Exodus

 

[expos]

I know she has or is going out and cutting up with guys etc but is this even bothering her at least a tiny bit? maybe masked emotions?

She is suppressing emotions.

I talked with my date about this last night. She said that she has friends that literally jump from relationship to relationship with almost no time in between. They have guys lined up to rescue them. Short term jumping, by my definition is anywhere from one day to two months.

Avoid girls like this. Girls like this take no time to fix or evaluate what they did wrong in their previous relationships and bring that baggage into the new one. Being single makes women highly insecure. They seek new suitors to obtain instant support because they don’t have the coping skills to deal with pain on their own. It is a constant cycle that ultimately makes them un-dateable.

I imagine your ex is probably doing the same thing: Instantly trying to fill a void when your relationship ended.

 

[fuko2007]

she has agreed to sit down and talk? think itll do any good?

 

[expos]

she has agreed to sit down and talk? think itll do any good?

My younger brother was in a similar situation. Moved in with his girlfriend of 3 years, things got weird, and they are no longer together. She started detaching from him. They texted and talked for a couple weeks and couldn't work it out. Neither of them are dating anyone else now, so it's pretty drama-less now.

But I'll be honest with you....I don't think it's going to work between you two. She's already tried to sever the ties between you and her.

Best to move on and go NO CONTACT now.

 

[twentee]

men without hobbies about which they are passionate are hopeless, really. I just go hunting, hiking, or shooting (preferably all 3); Take some sleeping pills and get over it. Most of the rest of the world's population loses kids to hunger or fighting, and you are crying over a breakup? Get a life, man.