Need some advice for improvement!

[LostAndConfused]

Hey guys, LostAC here. I've realized that I've got it harder than almost everyone else when it comes to scoring women, and this realization has finally driven me to better myself even more. I must transcend past "The Great Catch" and become "The Greatest Catch," in order to score with any chicks at all. Heres a couple of things I need some advice with:

1.) Masturbation. I do it once a day, 6-7 days a week. This seems excessive but I've got a huge libido, so I can't really help it. Should I strive towards not masturbating as often? It could be a factor in decreasing my chances, as maybe it has some unseen physiological or mental effects.

2.) This is just a school matter, but I've got a pretty bad rep. at my school, so when I talk to the average girl they aren't too keen on having a conversation with me. I've mentioned this before, but I always find them answering my questions with a single word, not maintaining eye contact with me (eyes looking everywhere, perhaps even to other people for "help"), and when I try to make statements in order to create dialogue, they often don't answer which inevitably *would* lead me into an awkward silence, but I pick up on this ahead of time and I follow up with another question....which, of course, she answers with one word.

More importantly, I get the vibe of: "Why is this guy even talking to me?"

Any suggestions?

3.) Not trying to make this a looks thread at all, but where I'm from, looks are the most important thing that people bring to the table. Don't dispute me on this. Girls will automatically LJBF guys with the BEST personalities and confidence if they don't look good. Whats a good way for me to establish in my mind how I look in the eyes of most girls? I'd rather know I'm bad looking ahead of time (or good looking) before really focusing on approaching. I tried that HOTorNOT thing and got 9.5/10 but when I got those "meet me" things, all the chicks were butt ugly so I realized those opinions were not legitimate at all. Reason why I'm asking this is because its a first step, once I find out how I look right now in the eyes of girls I can focus on ways to make my good/bad looks even better or less bad.

 

[Westwind]

Hey guys, LostAC here. I've realized that I've got it harder than almost everyone else when it comes to scoring women, and this realization has finally driven me to better myself even more. I must transcend past "The Great Catch" and become "The Greatest Catch," in order to score with any chicks at all. Heres a couple of things I need some advice with:

1.) Masturbation. I do it once a day, 6-7 days a week. This seems excessive but I've got a huge libido, so I can't really help it. Should I strive towards not masturbating as often? It could be a factor in decreasing my chances, as maybe it has some unseen physiological or mental effects.

2.) This is just a school matter, but I've got a pretty bad rep. at my school, so when I talk to the average girl they aren't too keen on having a conversation with me. I've mentioned this before, but I always find them answering my questions with a single word, not maintaining eye contact with me (eyes looking everywhere, perhaps even to other people for "help"), and when I try to make statements in order to create dialogue, they often don't answer which inevitably *would* lead me into an awkward silence, but I pick up on this ahead of time and I follow up with another question....which, of course, she answers with one word.

More importantly, I get the vibe of: "Why is this guy even talking to me?"

Any suggestions?

3.) Not trying to make this a looks thread at all, but where I'm from, looks are the most important thing that people bring to the table. Don't dispute me on this. Girls will automatically LJBF guys with the BEST personalities and confidence if they don't look good. Whats a good way for me to establish in my mind how I look in the eyes of most girls? I'd rather know I'm bad looking ahead of time (or good looking) before really focusing on approaching. I tried that HOTorNOT thing and got 9.5/10 but when I got those "meet me" things, all the chicks were butt ugly so I realized those opinions were not legitimate at all. Reason why I'm asking this is because its a first step, once I find out how I look right now in the eyes of girls I can focus on ways to make my good/bad looks even better or less bad.

Ok first of all and this is all my opinion but masterbation is a gift, not something that you should be worried about doing too much. Ha 6-7 a week i do that like in 3 days. If you like what your doing why change it?

For the second thing it seems like you need to get some respect from the girls, if they are adverting their eyes from you that means they are bored and not paying attention. You need to be straight forward and tell them " Hey i'm over here don't be rude."

To answer the third thing, i agree with you. What is the first thing that a person see's or notices when they meet someone. How they look, dress , and carry themselves. But i've noticed something else you can see when you look at a person, how confident they are. Confidence adds value to a person inside and out. It would make someone curious if they saw someone who is'nt that attractive look so happy and confident.They think to themselves " Why are they happy they're not even good looking right?" Another thing is dude if you dwell on something you can't change it's such a waste. THink about it, you spend some much time at the mirror not changing anything while your selfesteem goes down and then not only are you less attractive ( if you are) in the outside but now you start to believe it inside too. Once you loose yourself, you have nothing left.
You have to believe in yourself, it's all about you.


That's all i got , i hope it helped

 

[LostAndConfused]

Thanks for the reply man!

I just asked about the masturbation because, of course I like it, but there are alot of things that I'd love to do but would be detrimental to myself overall.

For the talk to girls part, I agree with you. I'm obviously not being showed any respect. I'm not too keen on saying, "Hey, I'm over here don't be rude" though, because it would kill all interest even though it does of course get you some respect. The only way I see fit on getting respect is picking fights with kids at my school, but of course thats wrong and it will just backfire and make me look like an ***hole. Any other ways you have in mind?

I agree on the third point too....sometimes when I look in the mirror in a bad mood I get even more depressed, and other times I think I look good. Could be just mixed features in my face though, some good some bad, and my perception of those good and bad features is just altered by my mood.

 

[SinJester]

Ok before I offer advice I would like to know: Why do you have a bad rep?

Don't go getting into fights. I know guys think that it is a way to gain 'respect' but it really doesn't work. Fighting is anti-social behaviour. So what kind of group are you in? Do you go to parties? Are you friendly or outgoing? Do you have contacts with many people? Do you have any activities or sports that you do outside of school?

I think the best thing you can do if you want success right now is to raise your rep. If we find out why it isn't high we can easily raise it.

I've realized that I've got it harder than almost everyone else when it comes to scoring women

Why do you say that?

Oh and put a pic of yourself up here and we can tell you if your an ugly fvck or not

 

[LostAndConfused]

Sorry for the long post coming up ahead

Well, to answer your questions, I gotta first tell you that I've been at my school since the 6th grade (it goes from grade 6 to grade 12, but most alot of people join the school in 7th, 8th and 9th grade), so of course the impressions that people have on me have lasted even longer than most high school kids in my year. Through middle school I used to be a weird kid. I was social and all, but I just had problems with girls as I didn't know what to do. Two of the hottest chicks were interested in me back then and I had no idea until afterward. The main problem was that I'd hang out with kids everyone used to hate or kids who were just weird. Honestly I can't tell you why I did it, we didn't even share interests...I just did. The reason why was I couldn't take jokes very well....when I was in 7th grade I punched a kid in the ribs for saying "man you're stupid!" and somehow my mind couldn't process the fact that he was joking. I really had a bad reputation for that, I'd argue with friends and even get into fights with friends who were just joking with me, like they do with everyone else (I just couldn't take a joke...I think that this should have been an early indicator that I have bipolar).

In high school I got more socially aware, I stopped hanging out with weird people. Don't get me wrong, I didn't "conform" but lets just say I started to see things that other kids had been seeing for a long time. I'll just go grade by grade im in 11th grade now.

9th grade...went to a few parties, usually only hung out with friends there, but wouldn't be scared to ask a girl to dance from time to time. There were alot of new students so I pretty much approached all of them and became friends with all of em. I honestly can't remember my interactions with girls back then...I never got into a relationship. I knew about AFC ways before I came here so when I saw a girl putting me in the "friend-zone" I'd be quick to NEXT them. This is significant because it actually hurt my reputation doing this. Whenever chicks would see me as "just friends" I'd be able to tell that pretty easily and I'd ignore them. Made me more disliked by all the females in general. I had a group of friends at this year that were all really cool, they were slightly unpopular, but everyone in the school liked them. Near the end of the year, we started to break apart as some got girlfriends and got on the dating scene, others got LTRs, others focused on a social life outside of school.

10th grade...our group had pretty much broken up, we were all in different groups, except me. I was all alone. I had a hard time with self-inflicted depression back then (but I see the error of my ways now...depression runs in my family though). I stumbled upon SoSuave at the beginning of this year. Surprisingly though, I went to the most amount of parties this year, I would tag along with the friends I had at other schools to their school dances and parties. I first started seriously approaching girls here...but whenever I would do this I'd have the ugly chicks all over me and their hot friends not that interested, or only interested as friends. This only added to the depression that I had back then. Near the end of 10th grade, I became totally anti-social at my school. I wouldn't be like those weird emo/goth people that everyone hated, but I was definitely the one loner out of all my 10th grade. This made my rep worse. I also went through an identity crisis which I'm almost done dealing with now.

11th grade: So I approached this year with a really positive light. Though I know I have bipolar (one of the reasons why I've got it harder than others when it comes to scoring women), I still try to be cool with everyone, hanging out with kids from all social groups in my grade, and in the other grades at my school. The one problem I have is that alot of these people aren't very welcoming of me. They let me sit in their groups and listen, but I'm not really "with" them, as in, I don't do stuff with them outside of school, like most people do at this point. I still am sorta a loner, as most people at this point have a group they are cool with, or a couple of best friends they are always with, and I don't really have that. In classes I'm always the funny guy, but outside of that no one really talks to me much. Girls say hi, but its just because I've been at this school with them for a while and they're just trying to be friendly. I have only been to one party this year, and they didn't even play music you could dance to. I still don't have a group though, though alot of people KNOW me or KNOW ABOUT me (for better or for worse...probably for worse). I do sports outside of school, but they are with men. Sure I get into nice conversations before and after them but I'm 17, and these guys are in their 20s. I don't have much activities with kids my age, I'm going to work on doing more next year.

Although I don't know if I look good or not, I do know that my looks have improved since 10th grade. Recently, I was at a mall and this blonde who was a couple years older than me opened me and we got into a pretty nice conversation. One problem I have is that at random times, I say something really stupid/weird. I don't know why. I could be talking for 20 seconds or talking for 20 minutes and it would just pop up, and it becomes an instant turn off. Sometimes I say something offensive when this happens, or other times I run out of things to say so right before an awkward silence pops up I bring up a new thread of conversation, but when I do it, I stutter or talk too quietly when this happens.

The reason why I've got it harder is because I suffer bipolar.
During "manic" phases I'm extremely outgoing, even to the point where I may talk too much and start attracting too much attention, but during "depressive" phases I'm anti-social...thats the issue with bipolar...we're seeking talk therapy in the near future, and if that doesn't work, I'd probably take medication. Two of my cousins are in a mental clinic for bipolar, but they had it much more extreme.

I don't really have good pictures of myself on my computer, but I do know straight guys opinions on looks of other guys are different than girls opinions on looks of other guys. Some of my straight friends think I'm good looking enough to pull most of the girls at my school.

 

[The Deacon]

During "manic" phases I'm extremely outgoing, even to the point where I may talk too much and start attracting too much attention, but during "depressive" phases I'm anti-social...thats the issue with bipolar...we're seeking talk therapy in the near future, and if that doesn't work, I'd probably take medication. Two of my cousins are in a mental clinic for bipolar, but they had it much more extreme.

Hahahahaha, damn, your story is so parallel to mine it's scary. Really.

I was formally diagnosed with bipolar disorder last November.

My early years were spent in social isolation. My middle school was k-8 and I joined it when I was in 4th grade. I had 5 years of bad reputation. Even the ugly chicks acted like they were too good for me. It was hell.

In high school I became "good-looking," and I had hot chicks interested in me, but my social ineptitude ruined my chances with them.

I put a picture on hotornot and my rating was over a 9. (Right now I'm on my fifth picture, it has a 9.9 rating).

I took jokes too seriously.

I say stupid/weird things.

Your problem's curable. I know only too well where you're coming from. I get the vibe that you're introverted (as in, you are energized by isolation rather than social activity). You're insecure about how you appear to women. You analyze every second you exist. Sometimes it's probably hard for you to sleep with all this random sh*t going through your brain, especially during a "manic" episode. You're the ****y/funny guy during a manic episode who doesn't give a sh*t and the neurotic creep during a depressive episode.

That bipolar sh*t makes it really hard to maintain.

There's a couple of things you should do. See a psychiatrist and tell him all about your symptoms. If he diagnoses you with a mood disorder, he'll give you a prescription. Get that prescription and pop those pills.

Find a social group to hang out with. If they're not the popular kids, fine. Just make sure they're outgoing. If emo is your thing, just do it. They just gotta fit your mold. If you're good at sports, join a sports team and hang out with those fellas. I don't want you to be sittin alone on any more friday/saturday nights, cause that sh*t sucks. You need to get socially calibrated, my man. The only way you get socially calibrated is through experience. The more time you spend at social functions, the less weird/stupid things you do/say.

If you got a bad rep at school, find some other social function. Do you go to church? Do some of that youth group stuff and chill with those kids.

I hope that helps. It worked for me pretty well. You're right though, bipolar disorder screws up a lot of sh*t unless you're a writer or an artist.

 

[The Deacon]

Oh, yeah, the more female friends you have the better. Forget this "NEXTING" bullsh*t. If they wanna be friends, keep hanging out with them so you can be more experienced in talking to girls and establishing rapport. You don't need to f*ck every girl you make moves on. You need social calibration. Not to mention, if you hang out with girls you have more social proof.

 

[LostAndConfused]

Hey Deacon, man your post was REALLY helpful! I kinda figured I'd get prescribed some drugs after my session with a psychiatrist which is coming up pretty soon. My only problem is that I don't want to become a pill popper or grow chemically dependent to those pills.

Yup, you were exactly right...I do over-analyze everything. And insomnia was one of the reasons why my dad called up a psychiatrist in the first place. I usually don't lose sleep because of anxiety (I fell asleep just fine often before big tournements, exams, SATs, etc), but I DO lose sleep over random sh1t so ur right on the money there.

So I've got a scheduled psychiatrist meeting, and with that out of the way, I gotta focus on social groups....thats the hard part. There aren't any groups that I'm interested in or have interesting people. My school is weird, there are groups and all, but my school is pretty small so there aren't many groups to "choose from" and theres the huge false front that "everyones friends with everyone."

Really, there aren't that many interesting people...unfortunately. Even people who graduate my school talk about how great college is socially compared to my school. I really want to join a chill outgoing group, but the only couple of outgoing groups are of *sshole football players and rich pretty-boys. I get along with a few of them but I could never join those groups.

I had a GREAT group of friends in 9th grade. They were kinda in the middle, they were sorta outgoing but they also were never friends with any girls. So the group really broke up when some got girlfriends. Others have lowered their standards and now talk to REALLY UGLY girls...by ugly, I mean HB2 to HB5 and they are of course have feminist views because of their terrible experiences with guys, so alot of them are AFCing themselves to these chicks and its downright sad to watch. A couple of my really good friends in our group are now in social circles outside of school and are dating chicks outside, but I can't join their outside groups, so I'm stranded.

Unfortunately I moved so I don't live anywhere near my old church, so joining youth groups won't work out.

I'll try to go to social functions and dances and stuff, but I think I'm going to skip prom, because most people have a "group" (usually that social group you talked about) and what not that they go to an afterparty with (thats where the real fun stuff goes on, not at the prom itself), and I haven't found a girl worth it outside of the school anyways.But more social interaction will reduce the weird comments, thanks man!

 

[Sun Tzu]

There's something vitally important you need to do...

Change your name on this forum. You must turn your back on identifying yourself in such a manner.

 

[Evolution]

2.) This is just a school matter, but I've got a pretty bad rep. at my school, so when I talk to the average girl they aren't too keen on having a conversation with me. I've mentioned this before, but I always find them answering my questions with a single word, not maintaining eye contact with me (eyes looking everywhere, perhaps even to other people for "help"), and when I try to make statements in order to create dialogue, they often don't answer which inevitably *would* lead me into an awkward silence, but I pick up on this ahead of time and I follow up with another question....which, of course, she answers with one word.

More importantly, I get the vibe of: "Why is this guy even talking to me?" Any suggestions?

This is hard to answer because I don't know how you interact with girls.

Are you having fun? Cause if your not, then your doing something wrong.

Why is this guy even talking to me?"

First and foremost, a girl wants to have fun around you. She wants to be laughing, smiling, and enjoying your company.

3.) Not trying to make this a looks thread at all, but where I'm from, looks are the most important thing that people bring to the table. Don't dispute me on this. Girls will automatically LJBF guys with the BEST personalities and confidence if they don't look good. Whats a good way for me to establish in my mind how I look in the eyes of most girls?

There are many guys who were better looking than me (im just a asian dude with medium height). But I was never imidated by white guys with blues eyes/blonde hair, it never stopped me from scoring. I only thing I have going for me IS my personality.

Looks can only get you so far.

Master seducers like Casanova, Don Juan, forgot the french one. Were notoriously ugly, but they still bedded women left and right.

"Men fall in love through the eyes, women fall in love through their ears."

Don't dispute me on this. Girls will automatically LJBF guys with the BEST personalities and confidence if they don't look good.

What proof do you have of this? I think your using this as an excuse. Your doubting yourself, with self limiting beliefs. This is whats limiting you. Not your looks.

I use to be narcistic with my looks. I use to doll myself up, hair coloring, color contacts, expensive clothing, jewerly.

I stopped doing that a few months ago. I just wanna be a normal guy. I don't want to be a player.

There's something vitally important you need to do...

Change your name on this forum. You must turn your back on identifying yourself in such a manner.

The catterpillar must die for the butterfly to live.

There is no half-way. You CANNOT go back to being who you were once you let it die.

A year ago, my old self died. I left all my old friends. Left my old school, and started all over. I was given a second chance in life. And I'm not gonna look back. I'm only gonna look at whats in front of me.

My screen name is Evolution for a reason. You should only be moving forward. Changing your screen name now would be a great starting point.

 

[LostAndConfused]

Are you having fun? Cause if your not, then your doing something wrong.

I always have fun when talking to people, guy or girl, when they are interested in talking with me.*

Looks can only get you so far.

Master seducers like Casanova, Don Juan, forgot the french one. Were notoriously ugly, but they still bedded women left and right.

...​

What proof do you have of this? I think your using this as an excuse. Your doubting yourself, with self limiting beliefs. This is whats limiting you. Not your looks.

Remember, not all girls on this planet are the same. There are many different cultures and sub cultures. Plus, I'm in high school, where the girls are naturally more shallow anyways. The girls here are socially conditioned to go for a guys with looks.

The 3-4 guys with the best personalities at my WHOLE school aren't very attractive. They have never had a girlfriend before. Girls approach them all the time and girls love talking to them. They're the man everyone wants to be (knowing that women shouldn't define you as a man).

There's something vitally important you need to do...

Change your name on this forum. You must turn your back on identifying yourself in such a manner.

The catterpillar must die for the butterfly to live.

There is no half-way. You CANNOT go back to being who you were once you let it die.d. Changing your screen name now would be a great starting point.

Yeah I agree too. Then again I could be the guy with the ironic name .

Thanks for the advice.

 

[SinJester]

Look, I honestly don't know anything about bipolar (my cousins husband had it bad once but I don't really know what it's alla bout), but I do know about high school. I can see that your going about it the wrong way.

So you don't really have a group of friends? Well all I can here from you is GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS. Not to mention the fact that you said you've ditched any girls you have had that just wanted to be friends. Basically your just looking for one girl to settle down with then? Would that make you happy? Even if you still had no friends?

Stop focusing so much on girls for awhile. Try and find a group that you can really fit into but don't cut ties with other groups. Don't give a fck if they are popular or not, if you like 'em, hang with them. But hang with popular groups sometimes as well if you can. Treat EVERYONE the SAME. I don't care how ugly that girl is you've got to be nice to her. I'm not saying hit on her or go out with her, just be nice and sociable. Next time a girl LJBF you then stay friends, but move onto gaming another girl. That girl has a group of friends remember, you can game then easier with a mutual friend, especially if she likes you and talks you up.

Don't be so judgemental. Find something you LIKE about EVERYONE. Don't be mean to anyone at all, don't dislike them, and don't only find bad things about them. Apreciate people for who they are and focus on the POSITIVES about them. You say there aren't any interesting people at your school. That's a LIE. They are interesting you just don't know them well enough yet. Everyone is interesting in some way. Stop being so negative about people. It's like when people say "Oh woe is me all the hot girls at my school (or in my town) are either slvts or b!tches" or "There are no hot girls where I live!". Thats a lie. Your are kidding yourself. There are hot girls you just aren't LOOKING because your focusing on the fact that there are no hot girls. If you focus on the fact that there is and look for them suddenly you will find heaps. Saying that all the hot girls are b!tches is wrong, you are just trying to convice yourself and give yourself an excuse so YOU DONT HAVE to aproach and put yourself on the line. There are good girls you just don't know it yet. Now YOU are doing the SAME thing but with people in general, particularly guys.

Here, read THIS. You are only looking for negatives in people and life, so you are only finding negatives. If you look for good things, it will snowball and you will see more good.

Why is it that you are playing sport with men? What do you play? If you can get into doing a little bit of stuff with them it's sure to gain you some rep. The thing is you are looking for respect, but respect is different to being liked. In an ideal world we would like both, but I would rather be liked that respect and dislike. Respect means people think you have something, but they might just be jealous and talk badly about you behind you back. Being liked means people like being around you, they talk you UP when you aren't around and they will do stuff for you. Friends.

Take some time off worry about girls and try to firm some social ties with some guys you think are cool. Catch up with your old mates, and make friends with their friends. I don't care if they are hangin with ugly chicks, just do it. When you are happy with yourself and your friends then you can spend equal amount of time gaming girls. Just remember if you end up as just friends keep them as friends because it will increase you rep.

And I'm guessing this is your final year of school? Just curious, why isn't this in the HS forum?

I hope I helped. Maybe I seemed harsh but it's true. I don't actually KNOW you but I've seen your posts and you've opened up a lot in this thread so I'm going by that. You might not want to agree with this stuff but it all really helped me. Life is what you make it. I promise you that if you follow what I've said and go out and act on your life instead of worrying you will be happier.

-Peace

 

[LostAndConfused]

Here, read THIS. You are only looking for negatives in people and life, so you are only finding negatives. If you look for good things, it will snowball and you will see more good.

Yeah, I can see that. I'll start trying to change that mindset, but I've noticed during depressive phases I only see negatives. I'll leave that to the psychiatrist to help me deal with .

Why is it that you are playing sport with men? What do you play? If you can get into doing a little bit of stuff with them it's sure to gain you some rep.

I do brazilian jiu-jitsu and a ton of other MA styles, and there are a couple of kids my age, but they don't go enough to really become good friends with them. Im still friends with them though. I've talked with a few about going out to the gym to fight a couple of friendly rounds and to work out but I don't have a car so theres no way I could follow through with that.

And I'm guessing this is your final year of school? Just curious, why isn't this in the HS forum?

Naw man I'm in 11th grade right now. I put this in this forum because the original question asked about masturbation and how to gauge your looks with chicks, which doesn't necessarily apply to high school. The second question did have something to do with high school but it was more asking why chicks weren't interested in talking to me at all.

And yeah I agree with most of the stuff you said lol. Although I haven't really had a true girlfriend ever, I have gotten really close to some girls, where I should have asked them out but didn't for various reasons (some were absolutely my fault, others were things I couldn't control). Some were really hot too .

They have all moved on, while on the other hand I'm over here alone, not just with respect to women.

The other issue at hand is the school I go to. Its alot different than your typical high school when it comes to dating. In each grade level there are 0-5 relationships....not many AT ALL. Most people at my school date from social groups outside of school. You go to the average guy's facebook and you'll see him with girls that are ALWAYS from other schools, rarely if ever with girls from his own school. I don't really have that outside social group.

Thanks so much SinJester! While I should really keep girls off my mind all the time, its hard because I've got a huge sex drive, its pretty much all I can think about really. (Tell myself "Dont think about girls" and Jessica Alba pops up in my head).