Need serious advice from all you guys....

[In2theGame]

Needing advice from the SS community as I think it may be more beneficial than asking my friends as they may be biased towards me continuing to go out with them and partying etc. so anyway...

For a long while Ive been single and freely seeing multiple women at once. I don't have a problem picking up beautiful women at all and get compliments on how hot or gorgeous they think I am and was having a good time until one night I met this HB 9 Blonde that turns heads everywhere and anywhere. We met at the end of April and spoke every day as she would call or text me every day and i was fine with that as I liked her a lot. She started coming to visit me at my house which is a 1 and a half hour drive but she would make the trip for me.

She gives me massages, Cooked for me, brought over wine, lets me do whatever i want in bed to her (she loves the way i pound her out) and I'm not trying to boast but lets just say I'm very well "packaged", She lets me drive her new BMW. Sounds fantastic and great, So at the end of July we had a talk about being together and she said she likes me so much and that she wants to get to know me more and see where it goes because she still had a guard up from her last BF that left her upset and that relationship ended a year and a half ago but that she is not seeing or talking to anyone else. that's fine and i understood. However, everyday she texts me hearts and kisses and I "miss you baby" She still initiates contact every day and says that she cant wait to see me again. Shes filled with excitement when we are going to see each other so it seems all great.

Moving forward though, Sometimes it throws me off as she can be all "baby this" and "baby that" but then after a while she texts me like I'm just a friend. I'm not sure how to explain it but its as if she acts like we are a couple sometimes and other times we're just casually seeing each other. Also, she's constantly sending me pictures of her dressed up and i wonder at times when shes goes out, if shes trying to attract other guys or seeking massive attention and that leaves me feeling like completely backing off. Am i over reacting to this and over thinking? or am i just protecting myself because i don't want to fall in too deep then feel like Sh*t later on.

Today for example, We got into a small argument. She called me this morning but i was busy doing something and called her back later in the day. She didnt pick up so i thought okay cool ill text her something in a little while but then she texts me saying "Hey whats up, I called you before. My guy friends came over to watch NFL because i have the NFL package". Ok now,... I already have trust and anxiety issues when it comes to things like this because of how traumatic my last 5 year relationship ended and when i saw this.. it really makes me not what to give a F*ck anymore and go back to being a full blown bachelor because in my opinion, I just cant fathom how a very good looking girl can have male friends that don't want to get with her. Even if she knew them for a very long time... I think its naive to think otherwise. I called her out on it and i sent a text saying "How come you didnt pick up for me?" as it bothers me that because she's with her guy friends.. she cant step away for a few min to talk to someone she supposedly likes a lot and misses? or am i over thinking it?

Five minutes later she calls me and I let her know what the deal was and how it bothered me that she cant step away for min for me and if I had a girl i was really into and she was calling me.. i would step away for a minute to answer or call and explain i was with friends. We got into it and she starts with that BS attitude saying "whatever, take it how you want to take it but i was just letting you know i was with my friends" I said that it feels disrespectful and to stop that F*cking attitude with me, she responds "i could understand if you were my husband or my boss" and i stood quiet and that side of me wanted to come out where I wanted to just cut the girl off but we have had a great time together and didnt want to over react.

Another thing that kind of bothers me also is she seems secretive about me but she claims she doesnt like people in her business. When her cousin comes around she seems like she doesnt want to talk on the phone and texts me instead or when friends are around she rather text me. She claims that she doesnt want everyone asking her questions about me or want her brother or dad to know shes seeing someone because then they will want to know who i am. I can believe that but to a certain extent, However her best friend does know about me and we have all hung out before but overall... I dont know what to make of that.

She's a very active person and her job is demanding as shes in medical and makes good money so im happy about that, especially as of late because of my business capital taking a big hit from being an idiot and not managing my capital correctly. Anyway... Overall I would very much appreciate advice from you guys on here because there are some posters that have great advice and i could use it. I am open to having a relationship again and wouldnt mind having one but not at the cost of potential misery and going out and picking up girl after girl gets boring after a while.

So what do you guys think about this? Should i chill out and continue or back off? Again she states she wants to treat me like a king but sometimes its as if she pulls back so im confused. thanks in advance.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

She's got a team brody. Always have options playa.

 

[Warrior74]

Today for example, We got into a small argument. She called me this morning but i was busy doing something and called her back later in the day. She didnt pick up so i thought okay cool ill text her something in a little while but then she texts me saying "Hey whats up, I called you before. My guy friends came over to watch NFL because i have the NFL package". Ok now,... I already have trust and anxiety issues when it comes to things like this because of how traumatic my last 5 year relationship ended and when i saw this.. it really makes me not what to give a F*ck anymore and go back to being a full blown bachelor because in my opinion, I just cant fathom how a very good looking girl can have male friends that don't want to get with her. Even if she knew them for a very long time... I think its naive to think otherwise. I called her out on it and i sent a text saying "How come you didnt pick up for me?" as it bothers me that because she's with her guy friends.. she cant step away for a few min to talk to someone she supposedly likes a lot and misses? or am i over thinking it?

Five minutes later she calls me and I let her know what the deal was and how it bothered me that she cant step away for min for me and if I had a girl i was really into and she was calling me.. i would step away for a minute to answer or call and explain i was with friends. We got into it and she starts with that BS attitude saying "whatever, take it how you want to take it but i was just letting you know i was with my friends" I said that it feels disrespectful and to stop that F*cking attitude with me, she responds "i could understand if you were my husband or my boss" and i stood quiet and that side of me wanted to come out where I wanted to just cut the girl off but we have had a great time together and didnt want to over react.

You already overreacted. Dressing down a chic because she's got other dudes is not the way to win that game. You just showed how invested you were in her and she showed you how little she's invested in you. You are not in her mind on the level of her husband or boss, not even boyfriend. This tells you where you are. While you on the other hand are daydreaming about happy relationships with this chic who is lukewarm about anything other than sex.

Your gut instinct was correct but you ignored it. It was telling you that this woman is not girlfriend material. It was telling you that she was telling you she's not girlfriend material.

Her ego is not gonna let her say, "hey lets just bang occasionally cause I just like hooking up with different dudes" she has to dress it up in a little game of "dating, not dating, emotional thrill ride".

 

[In2theGame]

I guess i have to bite the bullet and back off on this one. I should have payed more attention to the red flags man.

 

[In2theGame]

Her ego is not gonna let her say, "hey lets just bang occasionally cause I just like hooking up with different dudes" she has to dress it up in a little game of "dating, not dating, emotional thrill ride".

Ive told her if she just wanted to casually see each other without anything else and she kinda seemed upset and asked me how i felt about her but i definitely see what your saying.

 

[sodbuster]

She's running game on you....push/pull, sometimes showing a lack of attention,sometimes too much, jealousy game, etc. Sounds like she's been reading OUR playbook.... Guard your heart, but maybe play it out and see what happens

 

[Warrior74]

Ive told her if she just wanted to casually see each other without anything else and she kinda seemed upset and asked me how i felt about her but i definitely see what your saying.

Yup. That's a blow to her ego. I've learned to never say that unless I want it to end soon. In woman-ese that means "he doesn't care, I want him to care, even if I don't care..suddenly I'm not as attracted as I was before". They fcking live on possibilities. Which is why vagueness works so well to attract them.

Personally I would just go silent on her. See how long she takes to contact you. Take twice as long to reply. Cut your contact back. See what she does when you pull back from her. And start looking for other plates. This is probably the only girl you're dating right?

 

[In2theGame]

She's running game on you....push/pull, sometimes showing a lack of attention,sometimes too much, jealousy game, etc. Sounds like she's been reading OUR playbook.... Guard your heart, but maybe play it out and see what happens

Yeah man i didnt see it coming i guess. We've gotten into an argument about this because i wanted to be clear cut on where this was going. Ive told her straight forward that sometimes it seems like she doesnt seem to care and said im fine with that if she wanted to casually just see each other but then she got very upset saying how could i say that when she misses me so much and likes me so much. It leaves me feeling like WTF is your problem then. Its either going to be a right or left turn.

 

[In2theGame]

Yup. That's a blow to her ego. I've learned to never say that unless I want it to end soon. In woman-ese that means "he doesn't care, I want him to care, even if I don't care..suddenly I'm not as attracted as I was before". They fcking live on possibilities. Which is why vagueness works so well to attract them.

Personally I would just go silent on her. See how long she takes to contact you. Take twice as long to reply. Cut your contact back. See what she does when you pull back from her. And start looking for other plates. This is probably the only girl you're dating right?

After todays little stint we havent spoken for the rest of the day. I have no choice but to cut back because i'm not going to just "hang in there" i am more than capable of picking another HB 9 up but the point is we hit it off so well that i pushed for it to move forward and it seems like shes see sawing but saying how much shes into me one day and the next day it seems grey.

I was going out so much and spinning a lot of girls but the enthusiasm of doing it over and over wore down a bit so i started laying low and focused on this girl which has been great at first but now about 5 months into it... im not sure how to feel about it. part of me says she could be playing it very manipulative in terms of keeping her moves as innocent. For example,.. if she met someone else and wanted to pursue that person then she could back out and use the excuse of "we weren't officially together" so i couldnt get upset, ya know? one thing i left out is when we spoke about it she stated that we didnt need a "title" on it right now like BF/GF

 

[jjacob]

Honestly it sounds like she's a player like a poster already said, using subtle games rather than the painfully obvious scorched earth methods most girls use. The secretiveness is probably due to the fact that she probably has 2-3 guys on the line at all times and would rather not have everyone know about each guy.

Who knows though, she could want a relationship with you, but as always you can't be the one pushing for it as it puts you in the default submissive position. Demanding respect is all well and good but when it comes across as a tantrum rooted in your fear that she's not as invested as you are - you're giving her the upper-hand. Wouldn't be surprised if she takes this ball and tries to see how far she can run with it.. Can't tell you what to do but I would use a good dose of indifference to show her that disrespect really was the concern, as it degrades her character in your eyes.. rather than pursue her like a puppy dog and make her think you're crumbling at the thought that she's losing interest

 

[Colossus]

Yeah, this may be a bit redundant but my first thought was that she was running game on you. Clues:

-Warm/cool
-Many "guy friends"
-Not taking your calls without a good reason, i.e work.
-Not introducing you to her family
-"It's not like you're my husband or boss". A girl who was really enamored with you would never say this.

If she is as hot as you say she is, she most definitely has a bullpen of d!cks, which she may or may not be fvcking right now. I think she is trying to lead a double life of sorts by getting cutesy-lovey-cuddly fixes with you, and doing whatever (or whoever) she pleases when you arent around.

If it was me, I'd just go ghost to save your emotional well-being. You have obviously developed feelings for her so waiting it out will only draw you in deeper.

In my experience, if you are questioning a girl's true intentions or feelings, your gut is trying to tell you something is not adding up.

 

[In2theGame]

If it was me, I'd just go ghost to save your emotional well-being. You have obviously developed feelings for her so waiting it out will only draw you in deeper.

Of all things, This is was what I was afraid of most. Getting emotionally involved. Not because of her looks but she was doing all the things on a GF level and that F*ckin drew me in. Like i stated before, Giving massages, Cooking whatever i wanted, Driving a long way to see me many times, Buying my food or drinks (if i wanted to) then the comments about how she misses me and cant wait to see me again. Sending pictures of her sleeping with my shirt she took from my house. All this made me think... "Hmm maybe this one is worth pursuing" then the little problems have surfaced after a few months. I tried giving her the benefit of the doubt when she mentioned that her LTR and her Dad had passed away around the same time. So i figured i give her time but... who know.

Like i said when we hang out its great but at times she acts like she doesnt care and it gets me thinking "why should i care then" but then its hearts and kisses from her. Fvck it.

 

[sharkbeat]

Massive insecurity on your part.

Moving forward though, Sometimes it throws me off as she can be all "baby this" and "baby that" but then after a while she texts me like I'm just a friend. I'm not sure how to explain it but its as if she acts like we are a couple sometimes and other times we're just casually seeing each other.

You can't expect a human being to be showing consistent behaviors at all times. We are not robots, you know that. Some days it's great, some days it's meh. It affects how you interact with people and loved ones. Especially that we are talking about a chick here, there will be even more mood swings.

Also, she's constantly sending me pictures of her dressed up and i wonder at times when shes goes out, if shes trying to attract other guys or seeking massive attention and that leaves me feeling like completely backing off. Am i over reacting to this and over thinking? or am i just protecting myself because i don't want to fall in too deep then feel like Sh*t later on.

Next time, the moment you have your suspicions, you ask about it immediately. Don't go with "oh cool, have fun". Ask her where she's going, "are you coming to visit me?" The longer you have it sit there, the more damaging it is to you, and the more you become an AFC.

Today for example, We got into a small argument. She called me this morning but i was busy doing something and called her back later in the day. She didnt pick up so i thought okay cool ill text her something in a little while but then she texts me saying "Hey whats up, I called you before. My guy friends came over to watch NFL because i have the NFL package". Ok now,... I already have trust and anxiety issues when it comes to things like this because of how traumatic my last 5 year relationship ended and when i saw this.. it really makes me not what to give a F*ck anymore and go back to being a full blown bachelor because in my opinion, I just cant fathom how a very good looking girl can have male friends that don't want to get with her. Even if she knew them for a very long time... I think its naive to think otherwise. I called her out on it and i sent a text saying "How come you didnt pick up for me?" as it bothers me that because she's with her guy friends.. she cant step away for a few min to talk to someone she supposedly likes a lot and misses? or am i over thinking it?

YES! YOU ARE OVERTHINKING IT

Five minutes later she calls me

At this point in time, she still cared about you, because she called you. Why on earth did you text when you have doubts?? Call her and damn talk to her. Texts are for pvssies.

Now after the argument, who knows. She will remember how insecure you are.

Another thing that kind of bothers me also is she seems secretive about me but she claims she doesnt like people in her business. When her cousin comes around she seems like she doesnt want to talk on the phone and texts me instead or when friends are around she rather text me. She claims that she doesnt want everyone asking her questions about me or want her brother or dad to know shes seeing someone because then they will want to know who i am. I can believe that but to a certain extent, However her best friend does know about me and we have all hung out before but overall... I dont know what to make of that.

So what? Why are you so worried about that? How she manages her relationships are none of your business. Maybe she's secretive about you. Maybe to her, you are just a fvck buddy. Maybe she has issues with her friends and families. That's not your job. The fact that you were worried about that shows that you have unknowingly developed a oneitis toward her.

 

[backbreaker]

i can sum up this entire ****ing page in 2 sentences

I was going out so much and spinning a lot of girls but the enthusiasm of doing it over and over wore down a bit so i started laying low and focused on this girl

i could be a lot more curel than i am going to be, and i'd be 1000% accurate in my assessment but i'm not going to take it there. I will just say that, there is a process. You tried to make a woman something without her earning it. It doesn't matter how pretty or smart or grea tin the sack she is if you just GIVE it to her, how are you any different than any other bloke she's hooked up with or that wants to be with her? she won't and doesn't appreciate you.

You are now being punished for that. it's no one's fault but yours.

I mean, I can sympthize, when i met my wife, i really really really wanted her to be the one. I was tired buddy. tired of all the drama, tired of all the air heads, bimbos, first dates, ****ty dates, i was tired of it all. But i still made her work for it. I still spun plates until she showed me she was worth not spinning plates for. because that's the only way she would appreciate me LONG TERM.

anyway, lick your wounds, you will be okay.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Massive insecurity on your part.

That's what I see, too.

You're fighting with yourself much more so than you are fighting with her.

 

[Stagger Lee]

Of all things, This is was what I was afraid of most. Getting emotionally involved. Not because of her looks but she was doing all the things on a GF level and that F*ckin drew me in. Like i stated before, Giving massages, Cooking whatever i wanted, Driving a long way to see me many times, Buying my food or drinks (if i wanted to) then the comments about how she misses me and cant wait to see me again. Sending pictures of her sleeping with my shirt she took from my house. All this made me think... "Hmm maybe this one is worth pursuing" then the little problems have surfaced after a few months. I tried giving her the benefit of the doubt when she mentioned that her LTR and her Dad had passed away around the same time. So i figured i give her time but... who know.

Like i said when we hang out its great but at times she acts like she doesnt care and it gets me thinking "why should i care then" but then its hearts and kisses from her. Fvck it.

I'm not big into the BPD label that often gets thrown around here but this girl's behavior sort of seems to fit that description.

This is what gets me the most about the dating game today. It's not that girls are hypergamous as bad as that is, but that you can fvck a girl even multiple times and maybe even be acting as BF/GF, but she's still constantly being hit on and pursued by other guys. It's not so hard for these other guys to seem like bigger, better deals for short periods of time when you are familiar. Some girls just can't stay monogamous or committed to you for any length of time in the face of constant male attention.

I believe when a woman is going cold on you, it's almost always because of sexual attention if not sex from other guys.

 

[Colossus]

I tried giving her the benefit of the doubt when she mentioned that her LTR and her Dad had passed away around the same time. So i figured i give her time but... who know.

Aha!! Now it's making more sense. She wont get too close to you because of her losses. Trust me on this, as someone who lost a parent at a young age and dated girls who had parental abandonment, this girl is damaged goods right now. She is being super affectionate to satisfy part of her female nature, but she puts the brakes on at a certain level of intimacy so she can insulate herself from further loss.

 

[backbreaker]

i think more times than not **** like that is just excuses for behaviors that we wish to inhabit in. I had that bad when i used drugs. When i first got clean and my sponsor made me do my 4th step i was really bad about telling him how i resented my mom and dad for how they treated me and how I felt like no body cared about me and all that ****, while they didn't help.. it was all bull**** lol. it really was. my om and my dad were the last thing on y mind when i wanted to get high. i got high beucase i liked the easy access to sluts and the attention and it was quite fun lol.

anytime a chick tells me some **** like, "oh my dad X/W/X whatever" or "i have trust issues" i run not beucase those are actual issues, because she's setting you up for her future ****ty behaviors. she's giving you the excuse to want to work with her.

i only deal with people who take responsibility for their lives.

 

[In2theGame]

Ok so she called me this morning and we had a conversation about the argument and she admitted she was being a ***** but then said she's not ready for a relationship. I simply said ok thats fine, i understand.

So all the baby this and baby that and i miss you's are done and shouldnt be said anymore IMO. I left it at that and we hung up. I didnt send any messages or tried calling. when i usually would. So hours later she texts me "Hey", I responded half hour later because i was away from my phone but i texted back "Hey, Hows work". She says "Work is good lol I setup my new office" and send me a picture. I just said "Thats nice, good setup".

The whole vibe has shifted from lovey dovey talk between us to awkward texts and now shes using a lot of "lol"s when she doesnt much.. Should i just keep backing off slowly? how should i approach her texting me and trying to initiate with me even though the vibe has just died down after the whole conversation this morning.

 

[Die Hard]

Seems like you got yourself a case of BPD/Cluster B here, I feel sorry for you man...

You probably don't want to admit it to yourself but this girl and this whole situation mean a huge deal to you and are messing with your mind BIG TIME.

The sooner you're able to admit this to yourself, the sooner you can start your recovery....

And that's really ALL there is left to do here, work on your recovery from the situation. Coz if you think that there is any way you can salvage the situation with this girl, you are gravely mistaken. Unless you are able to just turn off your emotions and start treating her as a fvck buddy (I know you wish you could, but I'm sure deep down you know you can't), you need to get away from this girl right here, right now. The longer you postpone that, the harder your recovery from the situation will be.

Good luck.