Scary stuff. It is SO very hard to imagine that such a young, beautiful, intelligent girl like this is already damaged and so dangerous. How did this happen.... She just seems to need A LOT of attention.. is that part of the Cluster B thing too? It felt like if I didn't give her enough, she would instantly go elsewhere to seek it. Sad, because she shouldn't need it to feel good about herself. She has no many good qualities.
I sometimes feel like if she could just spend some time with me, it might help her out and set her on the right path. She said she admired my honesty, moral compass and integrity. Is it not better to 'better the devil you know' in some ways?
How are they able to ruin your life for years? I did give her quite a lot of attention initially and was very responsive to her at first. She was talking to my friend too but he didn't humour her for very long, not as much as I did anyway, so she seemed to really fixate on me. I wonder if she saw that as a weakness. She actually blocked me again and cut me off, like I was the toxic one. Said I wasn't giving enough and that she tried.
I understand her need for attention. Two components to it, first she craves attention and to be desired. It is the narcissism aspect of most cluster B disorders. The same reason why she desires to be a model or an actress. She also wants people to fixate on her... To make them keep her as the most important thing in their life, to have her as the center of attention and be their personal goddess, it is part of the aspect of control she needs to always be in control. I am trying to explain it in a way you can understand, but try to realize that it is not completely logical to you. Just as her lies are not logical, and why her behavior makes no sense...
I am sure she is intelligent, beautiful, charming... There is a false notion that people who have BPD/ASPD/HPD are stupid and socially akward. That is far from the truth, most people with BPD/ASPD/HPD are very charming, and often highly intelligent. Often they are the last people you would think are mentally ill.
You want to save her? You cannot, she can only save herself. In fact, you being there will make her worse. How can I explain? It is like a drug, the addiction. She is an addict to control, to feeling that high of emotions of lust and infatuation, she is addicted to being an idol and being idealized and worshiped, she is even addicted to manipulations to the games she plays. You being there, you will only feed her what she is addicted to. She will grow worse and worse. She must become her own savior. It will take her falling, and you must let her fall. She will have to suffer from her condition and find herself in darkness, alone, empty, and having destoried her life and finally trying to understand why. She will have to lose everything, and suffer and realize that what she is caused that suffering once everything else to blame is gone... That is the only way she can save herself. Even then, she will only become more self-aware, she will still be who she is as there is no cure for insanity.
You said she blocked you and left? Good for you, that was the best outcome you can hope for. I told you she was going to dispose of you at some point. I also told you she would make sure you felt the blame for it, and that you were the one creating the problems. You were giving resistance, and not giving in... Thus she tosses you to the side, as you are not worth it. In fact, even if she became completely self-aware and understanding, then she will still not be able to love you. She can have lust, infatuation, but never actual love... Just like
@BeExcellent said, she can experience the honeymoon stage but nothing past it.
