Need help on tweaking myself slightly

[CarpeDiem]

You could say my problem is that i'm to shy. Many people have told me in the past that I am shy. I see it different. I just think that I am very untalkative. Even when I am with my friends, I don't talk a whole whole lot, i'm more of a listener. I love taking in information. Anyways, I believe that this is the reason I don't have as much of a social life with girls as I wish I did. A few months ago I broke up with my only girlfriend of around 2 years. To be honest with you, I have no idea how I got her. To me, she was just one of the guys. I could talk to her just as easy as any other guy, if not even more easy. She is pretty much the only girl I have ever been able to talk to so easy.

I'm sure there are thousands of guys that would love to be in my situation right now. I have all the resources available to be a very popular guy. I'm a starter on both the volleyball team and the basketball team, I have a decent amount of friends, some popular some not so popular, I'm a likable guy and i'm fairly intelligent. I know I should be able to at least talk to the ladies with some success, but the problem is I don't even start. I have complete confidence in myself. Lets say there was a cute girl in the mall, that I would like to get to know. I know I have the balls to approach her, but what the hell do I say? That's my main problem, i'm at a loss for words, I just can't think up something to say. Obviously there are plenty conversation starters I could use but I just can't think of any for the peticular situation.

Any help here? I'm willing to try pretty much anything out as long as it gets me talking more.

 

[Vincent]

The DJ Bible Read it. Know it. Love it.

Welcome to the site. Even though you might be more of a listener then a talker, it still comes off as shy. Becoming an extrovert isn't hard, and it's a lot more fun man

 

[Bjj_playa]

dude, im in the same situation as you, but i've made some improvements so far. i have friends and random people always mentioning that im shy or why i dont talk. and when i do manage to hold conversations i find that it feels very awkward at first. but it will only get easier with practice.

i was talking to a good friend, he mentioned that alot of people in our situation, who are shy or quiet, reply to what people are saying in their head...for example if your in a group and everyone is having a discussion, you might be contributing but only with your thoughts without speaking it. this becomes habitual and were more comfortable not talking....i dont think it made sense how i typed it..but w/e the point is you need to practice and get yourself in as many situations as you can that involve talking.

 

[GaryUranga]

thats me too, since I started working in it and putting effort Ive got comments like "you talk a lot" "dude you actually talk" and some old lady I recently met (yeah I practise on old ladies) "youre not shy" still working on it, quite some way to go

 

[CarpeDiem]

Ya, once school starts back up in a few days i'm going to try and start talking a lot more I guess, nothing really else I can do.

 

[PleasureKing]

"If you feel like you are comfortable, then you know you will be."
repeat that to yourself, and believe it.

 

[noodle]

dude, im in the same situation as you, but i've made some improvements so far. i have friends and random people always mentioning that im shy or why i dont talk. and when i do manage to hold conversations i find that it feels very awkward at first. but it will only get easier with practice.

i was talking to a good friend, he mentioned that alot of people in our situation, who are shy or quiet, reply to what people are saying in their head...for example if your in a group and everyone is having a discussion, you might be contributing but only with your thoughts without speaking it. this becomes habitual and were more comfortable not talking....i dont think it made sense how i typed it..but w/e the point is you need to practice and get yourself in as many situations as you can that involve talking.

Thats EXACTLY what was happening to me...and still is sometimes when i don't feel like talking.
I noticed this a long time ago and since then i just spoke my mind instead of replying in my mind. After a while you will get use to talking and holding a conversation it'll be second nature for you.

 

[Raikojo17]

You could say my problem is that i'm to shy. Many people have told me in the past that I am shy. I see it different. I just think that I am very untalkative. Even when I am with my friends, I don't talk a whole whole lot, i'm more of a listener. I love taking in information. Anyways, I believe that this is the reason I don't have as much of a social life with girls as I wish I did. A few months ago I broke up with my only girlfriend of around 2 years. To be honest with you, I have no idea how I got her. To me, she was just one of the guys. I could talk to her just as easy as any other guy, if not even more easy. She is pretty much the only girl I have ever been able to talk to so easy.

I'm sure there are thousands of guys that would love to be in my situation right now. I have all the resources available to be a very popular guy. I'm a starter on both the volleyball team and the basketball team, I have a decent amount of friends, some popular some not so popular, I'm a likable guy and i'm fairly intelligent. I know I should be able to at least talk to the ladies with some success, but the problem is I don't even start. I have complete confidence in myself. Lets say there was a cute girl in the mall, that I would like to get to know. I know I have the balls to approach her, but what the hell do I say? That's my main problem, i'm at a loss for words, I just can't think up something to say. Obviously there are plenty conversation starters I could use but I just can't think of any for the peticular situation.

Any help here? I'm willing to try pretty much anything out as long as it gets me talking more.

u dont have to be the loudess guy in the room. you dont even have to speak up a whole lot during a group conversation. u just have to be able to talk and hold a conversation well. just talk more and say wat comes to mind, and it will get easier quickly.

remember, people can make a point better sometimes with one direct comment than just yammering away about nothing.