Need help getting on track(no whining)

[Must Not Sleep]

How's it going? I was here last year with the typical new user post(28, virgin, overweight.) One thing did change though. I worked my butt off and ended up losing 70lbs over the summer. I've noticed myself getting eyef*cked over the past few months, just haven't capitalized on it yet.

My problem I believe is limiting self beliefs that I can't shake. Also real foggy on the idea and the practice of flirting. I'm not so much depressed about it(it comes and goes) but more pissed off than anything. Right now I have now desire to have a gf, just to be a manwh*re for a while as crude as it sounds. I tried to believe in the waiting for the right one bs, but I know that there is no such thing. I just need a jump start or a mentor(to embarrrased to talk to my friends about it, that's why I'm here.

So SS, help me get my *ss in gear. If you need more info on situations just ask, but know that I Am willing to do the footwork

 

[Desdinova]

Put yourself through the DJ bootcamp. Click on the link at the bottom of the page that says "DJ Bible" and you'll find it. I'm going to be putting myself through it in a couple of weeks, solely because it's been a long time since I've been single.

 

[squirrels]

What "self-limiting" beliefs do you have?

If those are what is stopping you, then what beliefs can you replace them with?

 

[Must Not Sleep]

Well it used to be "I'm too overweight". Solved that problem for the most part, but I don't have the confidence from this I should've gotten. If I get the notion to approach, I talk myself out of it(you're bothering her, you don't have any money to do anything if she accepts, my status is beneath hers.) I know this is all BS but I've had this train of thought for so long it's a habit at this point.

I've been told I'm good looking about the same amount of times I've been told I'm hideous. For some reason in the black community (and a lot of other cultures), being dark-skinned is perceived as unattractive and even untrustworthy so that's always in the back of my head if I do approach and don't get the desired outcome.

 

[Must Not Sleep]

Well, I got 2 numbers over the weekend. One from this woman I met at a show and another that works 2 doors down from me. Called both today and just got voice mail. This is when the low interest kicks in for them, or what I like to call "coming to there senses", because I probably won't hear from them again. This is pretty much how it always happens so I'm just gonna keep failing until I figure out what I'm doing wrong.

 

[Must Not Sleep]

The chick from the show called back. Tried to get her to come to a friend of mine's birthday party, but she declined because no one she knew would be there. Told her I would give her a call again Saturday afternoon but I'm thinking of chalking this one up to low IL. Seems like if she wanted to kick it she would have put forth the extra effort and I don't want to be a creeper by calling again.

 

[Drum&Bass]

My problem I believe is limiting self beliefs that I can't shake. Also real foggy on the idea and the practice of flirting. I'm not so much depressed about it(it comes and goes) but more pissed off than anything. Right now I have now desire to have a gf, just to be a manwh*re for a while as crude as it sounds. I tried to believe in the waiting for the right one bs, but I know that there is no such thing. I just need a jump start or a mentor(to embarrrased to talk to my friends about it, that's why I'm here.

Flirting is something that comes with life experience. It becomes easy to flirt when you are able to predict what will happen in a situation. Another key to flirting is the way you talk to someone (which takes practice).

Talk about subjects you are very familiar with and just add a confident humorous tone about how you talk about that subject. Don't forget to heavily include the girl in the discussion. There is nothing worse than a geeky know-it-all that doesn't know when to shut up.

 

[Must Not Sleep]

Went ahead and text the girl from the show. Made plans to go to an asian restaurant to she replied, "Make the the reservations and we'll see". To which I replied, "Come on with this we'll see BS. You know you wanna come. I'll see you wednesday"'. Never heard anything back so could or couldn't happen. I'll report back in a few days

 

[jophil28]

Went ahead and text the girl from the show. Made plans to go to an asian restaurant to she replied, "Make the the reservations and we'll see". To which I replied, "Come on with this we'll see BS. You know you wanna come. I'll see you wednesday"'. Never heard anything back so could or couldn't happen. I'll report back in a few days

THis is a good example of how not to set up a first 'date' .
Notice how she grabbed control by saying ," Make the reservations and we'll see." The frame is her's now and you are left dangling and waiting and wondering.
Women do this out of fear and uncertainty about a new guy. We often fail to understand that women approach a new connection with a guy in FEAR and trepidation more than hope - you are a SUSPECT to her, not necessarily an exciting new prospect.

If you are getting, "..maybe.." responses to your invites, then your rapport with her is weak, your groundwork is inadequate, or she has low interest level to start with and she will probably flake or cancel the 'date' at the last minute.

 

[AFCToDJSlowButSurely]

good job on making progress, its a long hard road ahead but you have made improvements! im on the path myself.

 

[Must Not Sleep]

Well it surprised the hell out of me but the hb I set the "date" up not only shows up, but dressed to kill at that. Lots of talking and flirting. Crazy eye contact and made her laugh a lot. Supposed to go salsa dancing next week but here's the thing: I've never made it this far so I'm clueless as of what to do next to escalate things. If it doesn't go as planned than it is what it is but I don't want to sabotage anything to early on without putting my best foot forward I guess

 

[grayclif]

Congrats! Now go set up dates with a few more. Avoid oneitis at all costs and have fun yo!