need help .. fvcked tup bad

[Jair213]

last week i didnt talk to ldr for 3 days

she got pist offf about it. told her why

convo.

her. we didnt talk tor 3 days
me. mom was sick
her. not even a hi or anything from you, not even a hey how are you doing?
me, mom was sick, her PF got bad, i wasnt talking to anyone
me, you could have said hi yourself too.
her, she stayed quiet.
couple of minutes
her, i was waiting for you to contact me cuz everytime we talk, we talk but then you say your busy.
me, its normal to be busy, and we do talk.
me, plus like i said before my mom was sick
her, lets just say we didnt talk for 3 days.
her, your not interested in me anymore,
me, i am interested in you i want us to work out, i like you alot you know that

left it at that then i turned afc all last week but she was really mad
i figured she was mad so everyday ive being initiating contact all last week

shes not the same anymore, no affection from her nothing, short conversations, ends conversations quick, she says shes doing homework etc etc

whole ive being messing up and being affectionate to her thinking it would heal her madness but nope big mistake cuz she doesnt return the affection back at all.

than i ask her wat was wrong
her, i dont have the same expectations i had in this relationship
her, i feel weird, idk wats happening to me

..
she says shes busy but she posts statuses on fb, is on skype she sometimes logs in on skype too..

she holds the power now,

all i could do now is just cut all contact, and wipe her out of every social media, and go GHOST. ignore her completely, good idea?

 

[Turuwal]

Firstly, cut contact now. By chasing her while she is angry you are rewarding her bad behaviour.

Secondly, you need to reestablish your own frame apart from her. This means you must be willing and able to walk away by virtue of spinning other plates.

Thirdly, you need to find your way back into having the upper hand. Basically you need to make her feel like she is losing you and that she must win back your approval. It has to be congruent, hence the need for steps 1 and 2 above. Here are some words that I might use. Yours are probably different. Since you are no contact, they woukd probably be in response to a text or call from her.

"HB, I like you, but I don't like it when you play silly games. It is unacceptable that you are angry with me for this when you know I was busy and you could easily have contacted me."

Now one of two things will happen. Either she will fix her attitude and get with the program, or she will leave you. In my experience, if you have done all three steps correctly, the first is more likely.

 

[Jair213]

thanks bro will do, i will not contact her tommorro or the whole week.

how about if she says goodmorning tommorrow? etc etc

 

[goldengoose]

whole ive being messing up and being affectionate to her thinking it would heal her madness but nope big mistake cuz she doesnt return the affection back at all.

When chicks lose all interest this is what happens, they don't return the affection. That's why you dump them when they start losing it.

than i ask her wat was wrong
her, i dont have the same expectations i had in this relationship
her, i feel weird, idk wats happening to me

She is telling you it's over. Throw in the towel and move on. She is just playing mind games with you now. Accusing you of ignoring her when she ignored you. Cut all contact for good.

i will not contact her tommorro or the whole week.

how about if she says goodmorning tommorrow? etc etc

That defeats the purpose of no contact doesn't it? You don't need to talk to her anymore. You hear how she is talking to you, she is being a b1tch. Ignore her for good. Nothing more needs to be said.

 

[Jair213]

When chicks lose all interest this is what happens, they don't return the affection. That's why you dump them when they start losing it.




She is telling you it's over. Throw in the towel and move on. She is just playing mind games with you now. Accusing you of ignoring her when she ignored you. Cut all contact for good.

so i dont tell her anything and just cut all contact?

 

[goldengoose]

so i dont tell her anything and just cut all contact?

What do you plan on telling her? She is telling you it's over with what she said, her behavior and actions are showing the same. Talking with her isn't going to make your relationship good again. She ignored you for 3 days. What does that tell you? Tell her your done with her if you want, but cut the contact because she is done with the relationship.

 

[Jair213]

What do you plan on telling her? She is telling you it's over with what she said, her behavior and actions are showing the same. Talking with her isn't going to make your relationship good again. She ignored you for 3 days. What does that tell you? Tell her your done with her if you want, but cut the contact because she is done with the relationship.

shes the one that blames me for not talking to her lol but ok ill follow your advice thanks bro

i will update tomorrow.

 

[Yo'Mama]

OP, do you really want to be with someone who acts like this? This woman is going to make your life hell in the future.

 

[Jair213]

OP, do you really want to be with someone who acts like this? This woman is going to make your life hell in the future.

im walking away and cutting all contact with her

 

[Yo'Mama]

im walking away and cutting all contact with her

For now maybe, but something tells me you two will patch things up. If you do just don't forget about the way she has acted over this. You really don't want to wake up one day and find yourself married to this woman.

 

[Turuwal]

how about if she says goodmorning tommorrow? etc etc

If she does then just act like nothing has happened. Use step three of what I said above only if she keeps acting like a b*tch.

Also this strategy relies on you having a good frame from the first two steps. If you don't feel you can do this then you would be better to follow the advice of the other posters and not respond even if she contacts you.

 

[Turuwal]

P.S. The ultimate rationale behind this strategy is that if you are not in control of your relationship then you are better off with no relationship at all. Most guys can't accept this and stay in crappy relationships rather than taking some time out to improve themselves and their game. The DJ way takes more work up front, but is well worth it in the end.

 

[Jair213]

If she does then just act like nothing has happened. Use step three of what I said above only if she keeps acting like a b*tch.

Also this strategy relies on you having a good frame from the first two steps. If you don't feel you can do this then you would be better to follow the advice of the other posters and not respond even if she contacts you.

today whent something like this

i message her we talk for a bit
then she tells me im doing homework
and i tell her to message me when shes done

5 hours later i message her she completely ignores me
havent heard from her since

"HB, I like you, but I don't like it when you play silly games. It is unacceptable that you are angry with me for this when you know I was busy and you could easily have contacted me."

i have already told her that, she didnt say anything about it she was so pist off smh

the only thing she said was ''i was waiting for you to contact me cuz you always say your busy when we talk'' witch is bull****

 

[goldengoose]

If she does then just act like nothing has happened. Use step three of what I said above only if she keeps acting like a b*tch.

How about he just cuts contact altogether and not have to deal with her? Sounds like a good idea to me. You guys are just going to get his hopes up telling him stuff like this. Don't confuse him anymore. He won't cut contact, I have a feeling that he won't.

What good does acting like nothing happened going to do? She knows how she is treating him. Him ignoring what she did isn't going to make things any better. She wants out. This relationship is over, she is basically telling him that without actually saying it. He should end it now or he will be sorry.

today whent something like this

i message her we talk for a bit
then she tells me im doing homework
and i tell her to message me when shes done

5 hours later i message her she completely ignores me
havent heard from her since

"HB, I like you, but I don't like it when you play silly games. It is unacceptable that you are angry with me for this when you know I was busy and you could easily have contacted me."

i have already told her that, she didnt say anything about it she was so pist off smh

the only thing she said was ''i was waiting for you to contact me cuz you always say your busy when we talk'' witch is bull****

You both sound like you're in High School. Why do you want to go through all this? It's over, her actions are telling you that. How far away is this LDR? I bet she has another guy.

and did i mention that this chick gos out 1 on 1 with her guy friends?

I called it. You think she isn't doing anything with her guy friend? She is. Why did you allow that for?

Mostly my reasoning is that if he can't fix the frame up with this girl, why would it be any better with any other girl? Better to burn it to the ground with him in control and his pride intact than to run away with his tail between his legs.

How much more burnt do you want it to be? I mean, it's in ashes right about now. Burning it more will end up burning him a lot more. Talking with her while she ignores him and acts like a b1tch hurts his pride. How can he fix his frame with her when she is saying it's over? He should end it with her. That saves his pride and keeps more of his confidence from being destroyed. He can work on himself out of the relationship. A new woman will get him on the right track where he can gain confidence.

 

[Jair213]

and did i mention that this chick gos out 1 on 1 with her guy friends?

smh i shoulda never ignored that red flag im so pist off at my self

 

[Jaylan]

Take this as a lesson. Good communication and contact is key in an LTR, especially if its long distance. Granted I dont do long distance myself...but Id still text a girl at least every other day or so if I liked her. And definitely have some sort of contact daily if she was my girlfriend. Its not like the text convos have to be super long. Your partner just wants to know you think about them.

So while I do think your gf could be more understanding OP, I still think you dun goofed.

EDIT:

and did i mention that this chick gos out 1 on 1 with her guy friends?

smh i shoulda never ignored that red flag im so pist off at my self

Lol what? Why are you in a relationsip (especially a long distance one) with a chick who does that?

 

[Jair213]

Take this as a lesson. Good communication and contact is key in an LTR, especially if its long distance. Granted I dont do long distance myself...but Id still text a girl at least every other day or so if I liked her. And definitely have some sort of contact daily if she was my girlfriend. Its not like the text convos have to be super long. Your partner just wants to know you think about them.

So while I do think your gf could be more understanding OP, I still think you dun goofed.

EDIT:


Lol what? Why are you in a relationsip (especially a long distance one) with a chick who does that?

i forgot to mention that this is an LDR

with that said yeah this is pretty much DOOMED!

 

[Turuwal]

How about he just cuts contact altogether and not have to deal with her? Sounds like a good idea to me. You guys are just going to get his hopes up telling him stuff like this. Don't confuse him anymore. He won't cut contact, I have a feeling that he won't.

What good does acting like nothing happened going to do? She knows how she is treating him. Him ignoring what she did isn't going to make things any better. She wants out. This relationship is over, she is basically telling him that without actually saying it. He should end it now or he will be sorry.

Mostly my reasoning is that if he can't fix the frame up with this girl, why would it be any better with any other girl? Better to burn it to the ground with him in control and his pride intact than to run away with his tail between his legs.

Maybe it just comes down to whether he is an option 1 guy or an option 2 guy. http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=214104

And yeah like I said, if he can't do all three steps with the correct frame it is probably better to follow your advice.

Also we are all advising no contact as the first step and plate spinning as the second step. There is a good chance she will never contact him again anyway, in which case we are both saying the same thing.

 

[Jair213]

i hit an all time low with this one im dissapointed in my self

 

[Turuwal]

i hit an all time low with this one im dissapointed in my self

Nah. You have learned a valuable lesson, and the next time you think of doing something like this again you will get a horrible sick feeling in your stomach that will stop you cold.

Getting your a$$ kicked is fun! I learn more from one good a$$ kicking than from 100 uneventful days.