Need Help By Today Please Just Some Advice!!

[insanity]

i feel bad for you man. i know your looking for somebody to say "give her a call tonite man, you still have a chance." but alot of guys went through the same thing you are going through right now and the outcome was always the same.

it's like somebody you know that has died. first you grieve than eventually you get past that stage and go on with your life. you don't sit by there grave and wait for them to pop out of the ground and say i'm back.

say even by the slightest chance you do succeed in getting her back, it will be temporary. i can guarentee that if a guy hits on her when your not around and she is attracted to him. you'll just be put back on the reserve list. the only cure for one-itis is to let go and let time have its way

 

[formation]

thanks guys.. i guess thats it. its really done with. thanks iappreciate all your guys helps.

 

[Vulpine]

vulpine thank you, but i really want to work things out LATER in life, not now while im so hurt and broken, and of course im going to date around and have my women, but what i meant is should i at least be her friend later on. and how long down the road should i start to answer her calls?? i dont want to cut her out of my life forever

Dude, listen, what you had is gone. It will never be the same after this crap.

Let's just say that somehow later in life you end up with her again. Will you ever fully trust her again? No. You'll never forget what she has done, and you will never really forgive her for it. It will linger in the back of your head and you won't have the same respect that you would have for her if this didn't happen. You'll know she's a slvt, and you will always know you can do better. She blew it. You're the prize. She won the lottery and instead of keeping the cash, used the cash to buy more lottery tickets, and lost.

You are better off "starting fresh" as she put it... starting fresh with someone else who you will be able to trust and respect.

 

[formation]

thanks for everything. i guess now its just the mourning period ya know? it really just sucks because its been 2 months and the pain is the same like if i was yesterday we broke up. the girls im talking to dont really mean **** all rebound. i mean i dont cry and ***** and beg for her.. but its hard. =/

 

[Vulpine]

See, what you do now is get your hands on some new azz.

Call up some friends, hit the town, and slap a couple hotties on their backsides. You're a free man, live it up!

Change your frame to a positive one: "Finally! Now I can screw some quality beeyatches! All the beeyatches! MUahahaHHAHA!"

Not: "Oh boo-hoo, the love of my life is gone!"

Come on, man...:kick:

 

[formation]

haha b4stard

 

[Desdinova]

but this girl IS the love of my life, i fvckin KNOW it.

If she was the love of your life, she wouldn't be interested in some other dude. Love is a two way street.

oh and FIY, we were engaged.. =/

Engagement doesn't necessarily mean anything. I learned that one the hard way.

last thing, she was talkin to my friends and heres convo.
Friend: so you really dont want to be with him huh
Ex: No, its not the same anymore
Friend: ouch never?
Ex: no i didnt say that, i just want to start over, be friends and start from there again, i stil love him of course no doubt about that.

WHAT THE FVCK DOES THAT MEAN?

This is a game that women are experts at playing. They use their friends to sniff out information all the time, so she's fully aware that your friend is going to report back to you. She's trying not to hurt your feelings, let you down gently, and trying to perform damage control all at the same time.

if she calls me to "hang out" or whatever what should i say or should i not pick up at all??... WHEN WOULD BE A GOOD TIME TO START ANSWERING HER CALLS AGAIN.

When hell freezes over.

i dont want to cut her out of my life forever

I have to ask, why would you want to keep her around? She takes you for granted, she's wanting to fvck some other guy, and she feels nothing for you.

There was an expression that used to circulate around here years ago. Women are like swimming pools. Once the pool has been pissed in, there's no point in trying to restore the water back to normal. You're best off to abandon it.

In your case, the pool has been pissed in. It's time to move on.

 

[wayword]

Engagement doesn't necessarily mean anything. I learned that one the hard way.

Yup, co-sign. Hell, even marriage don't mean shyt anymore...

 

[reallyfreakinlost]

Every human being is equally beautiful. There are millions of gorgeous women that are right for us, even in our country, state, province, city etc.! So this woman was one of millions who could be a love of your life. So what?!

There are two things wrong with your conclusion, first of all not everybody is equally beautiful... even inner beauty for that matter. Second, there are 3 billion women in the world but nobody can EXACTLY fill the void of someone you truly admire, be it a girlfriend or friend of any sort.

Third and by far the most important: do you feel like you could get a chick as wonderful as her within the next year? If not, THAT IS the problem, not the loss of this one chick out of 3 billion on earth.

Nobody truly believes clinging to some past girlfriend is the right thing to do. But I don't think you're taking to account what this girl means to this guy. Even IF he does move on, you think he won't have dreams about her every once and a while?

Give the girl the gift, as thanks for all your great times together. She deserves it. You've had such wonderful times.

I strongly agree, materialism is the biggest obstacle in the road to happiness. In my experience, giving gifts feels really good, especially in the long run. Although I am financially stable, so if you're low on money maybe this isn't a good idea.

 

[izza]

When I came to this board, everyone told me: "If she wants friendship, it's almost certainly over." And I didn't believe them. I thought my relationship was different. Everybody does. Through experience, I learned better.

Since you certainly do not believe me (as nobody in your shoes does), I encourage you to try with every means you have to win her back. You probably won't, but at least you'll know you tried. Right?

thats what kills me all the time... if i wont, theres no point of hurting myself again.

You're absolutely correct that there's no point in hurting yourself trying. If you're free from thoughts of winning her back, congratulations, you have accepted the breakup!

But if you're not free of thoughts of winning her back, well, you're shooting yourself in the foot as much as trying to win her back. Probably more. At least with action you will see failure, with inaction you will always wait and wonder, not to mention sulk.

You're understanding my suggestion win-the-girl, lose-the-girl viewpoint.

I, and this is just from reading about 4 lines of your post, have already concluded this: you have already lost the girl. Forget winning her. Nothing I say is directed at the goal of winning this girl. She's gone. When I say that you should consider chasing after her anyway, this is not at all with the goal of getting her back. I look at it from a win-the-joy, lose-the-joy-in-life standpoint.

The goal is twofold: 1.) heal your heart 100% (not 50%, not 99.9%, 100%), so that you can be happy. 2.) prepare your life to welcome other women.

I mentioned chasing after her because it was a thought I know you were secretly thinking of doing. Everybody thinks it. I wanted you to be aware. For another thing, rather than sitting there wondering if you did enough, you would be able to accept that you'd done what you could (rather than being too proud to act). Of course she's not going to come back. The goal is to heal!

All I'm saying is do or say whatever you have to in order to heal, without regard to embarrassment. You'll hear a lot of people asking you to never speak to her again, never beg, never ask for her to come back. If you will feel better after begging her to come back, just do it! Don't expect her to, that's all. But be careful.

Don't just follow every single whim. Think of it as a war on pain. Plan your strategy very carefully, and don't let whim get in the way. Do what you have to do to defeat the enemy - your feelings of self-pity and desires to have this one girl back - and find joy in your life again.

Izza

 

[izza]

There are two things wrong with your conclusion, first of all not everybody is equally beautiful... even inner beauty for that matter. Second, there are 3 billion women in the world but nobody can EXACTLY fill the void of someone you truly admire, be it a girlfriend or friend of any sort.

Whee aesthetics! Of course beauty is subjective. So if you think some hag with thinning graying hair and a body like a milk dud is a perfect 10, you're right. Then another guy like me can come along and say that everybody is equally beautiful and also be right. So beauty is of course a matter of personal taste, especially with women. Beauty in women tends also to be socially constructed. For example in medieval times plump women with those tiny boobs were considered shapely, whereas now a flat stomach with large boobs is considered the ideal (it's more greek by the way). The saying is true: beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

It's kind of a shame that you don't see all humans as equally beautiful. Society certainly makes beauty into a hierarchy based on certain traits. This site is even worse, where selecting a person's 10 in looks and personality and so forth is everybody's goal. I like the drive for self-improvement that comes out of this site. If chasing after super-model like women gets me off my ass, so be it! I certainly do it, and share the society's taste and desire for super-model like women. If only I could slap that @ss!

But in my opinion such beauty can only serve as a possession to be owned, to be admired, or to be displayed. There's nothing wrong with that, it's just not for me. Maybe someday you will find yourself in the same paradox as me: I find all humans equally beautiful since all humans share the same struggles and lightness and playfulness inside. On the other hand, I refuse to date a girl that society finds repugnant out of shame on the one hand, and the desire to "win" and find that girl that no man wouldn't desire.

You make a fantastic point that shows you have been through a breakup before: no woman can replace another exactly. This is true, I find that all humans are equally beautiful, but each one for different reasons.

Nobody truly believes clinging to some past girlfriend is the right thing to do. But I don't think you're taking to account what this girl means to this guy. Even IF he does move on, you think he won't have dreams about her every once and a while?

Excellent point: after a breakup, we all must strive to heal ourselves 100%. That is, completely moving on. Even dreaming about her points to parts that are left unhealed. These must be observed and then healed. You make another excellent point: this guy has oneitus. Any attempt at helping him feel better must take this into account. Being broken up isn't fun, and the attachment still lingers for a long time. That's why I suggested he chase after her if he felt so inclined. I think you're referring to the part with the 3 billion women on earth.

The choice of which girl to take should be "well this one is wonderful and so is that one and that one and that one." This is the ultimate goal, to have choice and to have some power to choose. Oneitus is a result of a lack of power to choose.

I strongly agree, materialism is the biggest obstacle in the road to happiness. In my experience, giving gifts feels really good, especially in the long run. Although I am financially stable, so if you're low on money maybe this isn't a good idea.

Yeah, if he's low on cash he should return the gift.