need guidance about life

[kalim]

Well I dont know any of you, but you guys seem to know stuff about life thats why i post this in mature forum. Let me explain my situation. I know its a bit long.

At the moment I am 20 years and doing adult highschool. During my life I never had a gf or kissed a girl when I had a chance which sometimes bothers me but somehow I could live with it. Also I don't have any friends or hobby I am just doing my studies.

This year I met a girl , who has is also shy like me and is also a bit of loner. I think we attracted each other.I began to like her and hoped that she liked me.
Somehow she wanted to qualify herself to me. But for some reason she said could fix problems and wanted that I talked about my personal problems.

I didn't say anything about my problems and felt afterwards insulted and confused. However the next time I said some of my issues and she also talked , I really listened with empathy to her problems and noticed that she felt happy that someone could understand her.

During the weeks I ignored her but I still wanted her and didn't gave my attention to her and try to avoid , which took a lot of energy from me.and she was giving mixed signals which were very confusing.

Anyway she also saw that I was uncomfortable when she gets physical close me and tried to help me with her friends in strange ways. At that time I didnt saw that they were helping me and was extremely paranoid and didn't respected them. However I apologised my behaviour to the girl I liked. She invites me to her house to help my homework and thats where I confronted her about her mixed signals and left without waiting talk about it. I really said some insulting things to her. Later I apologised to her again.

I know that she liked me and thats when I told her later I wanted her and send her expensive flowers to her. As you can all expect she told me that I have red flags? and doesn't want a relationship with me and made clear in her voicetone that she wants nothing do to with me.


When I look back at this whole situation , it hurts like hell and begin to question my own life and character. I seriously don't know where to start....

 

[romangod]

When I look back at this whole situation , it hurts like hell and begin to question my own life and character. I seriously don't know where to start....

From the beginning.

 

[romangod]

When I look back at this whole situation , it hurts like hell and begin to question my own life and character. I seriously don't know where to start....

You've already started by questioning. Now find the answers. Cheers!

 

[decades]

Start by being more Direct with women. Your fears cause you to send mixed messages and sabotage your opportunities. You are going to have to get over the hump by pushing yourself outside your comfort zone. Instead of sending mixed signals, work to make your feelings and desires clear and understood directly. Your problem here is the fear that you might hook up (forcing you to be intimate and perform) and not the fear that you won't hook up. Face the fear that you might indeed hook up by being honest about your feelings and fears and actually expressing this apprehension to your partner. Once in the situation it's a matter of "powering through" bit by bit risking that you might well fall flat on your face. Google "desensitization". And read "feel the fear and do it any way".

 

[Bible_Belt]

You suck with women. That's ok, a lot of guys here did at one time and got a lot better. You only suck at it because you have never done it, never practiced. You have to work at it and practice, though. Skills with women are like any other skill - it takes practice. You just got a little better in this experience by learning what does not work - revealing too much about yourself, getting emotional, telling a girl you like her instead of showing her, and using gifts as a bribe instead of a reward. Don't do these things next time with the next girl, and you will do better.

 

[ProDJ26]

I don't have any friends

I dont think "friends" truly exist. Sure everyone might know a few people but when it comes down to it the only true friends you have are yourself, family and spiritual.

You know I get the feeling that my old self is luriking near you. So the only advice I can give you is start working out. Not only will you get bigger but you'll have more confidence and girls will be all over you. But don't workout for the ladies, workout for you. Secondly, start living your life to it's full potential.

And I don't me just live but You gotta take risk brotha!!! Because if you dont one day you'll wake up on your 22nd birthday looking at yourself in the mirror wondering how your 17 old cousin is gratuating from a 4yr school while your still at a community colloge. and the biggest pain is haivng the regret of things that you wanted to do but never took that chance.

And my last advice is don't waste time. I know it's hard do to society but If it means cutting of your Xbox 360 and not playing some GTA IV by all means you should never waste time. Always find something constructive to do. Even while I'm writing this I'm technically wasting time as I have a math exam tomorrow.

All in all, if you want the girl go for her but don't get all mushy washy haveing feelings and all that because it will just backfire and bite you in the asss like the plague. It's simple. You chase she runs....

LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE LIFE

gotta go finishing studying good luck soldier!!!

 

[kalim]

Start by being more Direct with women. Your fears cause you to send mixed messages and sabotage your opportunities. You are going to have to get over the hump by pushing yourself outside your comfort zone. Instead of sending mixed signals, work to make your feelings and desires clear and understood directly. Your problem here is the fear that you might hook up (forcing you to be intimate and perform) and not the fear that you won't hook up. Face the fear that you might indeed hook up by being honest about your feelings and fears and actually expressing this apprehension to your partner. Once in the situation it's a matter of "powering through" bit by bit risking that you might well fall flat on your face. Google "desensitization". And read "feel the fear and do it any way".

Thanks for your advice. But how do express your feelings and desires to her without sounding needy? When I talked to her I hide my emotions and become desireless that showed her that I don't need her but that was more because of my fear like u said. The fear and regret that I sometimes have now , is that I don't experience opportunities like this anymore.

You suck with women. That's ok, a lot of guys here did at one time and got a lot better. You only suck at it because you have never done it, never practiced. You have to work at it and practice, though. Skills with women are like any other skill - it takes practice. You just got a little better in this experience by learning what does not work - revealing too much about yourself, getting emotional, telling a girl you like her instead of showing her, and using gifts as a bribe instead of a reward. Don't do these things next time with the next girl, and you will do better.

Do you think when she asked about my problems that it was a test? Because thats where the confusion started , because I couldn't decide if she liked me or just wanted friendship. Also how much can a person reveal about himself? Its difficult for me to find the middle between emotionless and emotional.

I dont think "friends" truly exist. Sure everyone might know a few people but when it comes down to it the only true friends you have are yourself, family and spiritual.

You know I get the feeling that my old self is luriking near you. So the only advice I can give you is start working out. Not only will you get bigger but you'll have more confidence and girls will be all over you. But don't workout for the ladies, workout for you. Secondly, start living your life to it's full potential.

And I don't me just live but You gotta take risk brotha!!! Because if you dont one day you'll wake up on your 22nd birthday looking at yourself in the mirror wondering how your 17 old cousin is gratuating from a 4yr school while your still at a community colloge. and the biggest pain is haivng the regret of things that you wanted to do but never took that chance.

And my last advice is don't waste time. I know it's hard do to society but If it means cutting of your Xbox 360 and not playing some GTA IV by all means you should never waste time. Always find something constructive to do. Even while I'm writing this I'm technically wasting time as I have a math exam tomorrow.

All in all, if you want the girl go for her but don't get all mushy washy haveing feelings and all that because it will just backfire and bite you in the asss like the plague. It's simple. You chase she runs....

LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE LIFE

gotta go finishing studying good luck soldier!!!

By having this experience, I am motivated to change myself and my life. Anyway thanks for your encouragement I really needed it
goodluck with your exams!