Need feedback on my dating profile

[flyinshark]

I would appreciate feedback/criticism on this description of myself that i use on a dating site i just joined. Thanks!

*********
Description:
I'm one of those boyfriend-material guys, because i'm polite, charming, funny, and moms just seem to all love me What makes me a nice catch though is that despite being very nice and caring, i do have a "bad boy" side, which usually comes in handy when i'm in fun settings such as parties or during intimate moments.

I'm very open-minded about pretty much everything, and i can carry an open conversation if something needs to be adressed, unlike many guys who prefer to just not talk about it at all. I'm open to short term relationships, but prefer longer term ones because i find them richer, deeper, and overall much more fun and worthwhile.

Lastly, i speak English, French and Romanian fluently and i'm ok in Spanish as well, as i took the beginner and intermediate Spanish courses. I have an accent in all the languages i speak, but people seem to find that charming in general.
*********

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Hate to tell you this but it screams "nice guy." Definitely market yourself but don't expect much if you describe yourself as nice and caring and then say that you have a "bad boy" side. There's an authentic middle ground. Find it and speak about it.

 

[DJDamage]

F'd is right you are reeking of a nice guy.

The more you try to tell them and convince them of who you really are the more it seems that it is the complete opposite.

Your profile is not engaging what so ever. A chick will not bother reading to the end. You need to think of how to get the chick involved as if you are writing this to her. Make her curious about you and make your profile funny and don't forget a good picture is good as well. If you want to her to think you are a bad boy then sound like one (where is the prize mentality?? where is the C&F?)

Thanks to my engaging profile I have 6-8 dates set up for the next two weeks.

 

[Soprano]

opening sentence is pretty lame haha

 

[flyinshark]

I've got good responses so far in 2 days, and possibly one date for the week end, but I think my picture is doing the job more than the text though.

I know i sound like a nice guy, but i thought portraying myself as such would appeal to those girls seeking something serious, because i want something long term.

I'll consider changing my text to show my macho side if i dont get a few dates in the next week or so.

Thanks for your comments

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I've got good responses so far in 2 days, and possibly one date for the week end, but I think my picture is doing the job more than the text though.

I know i sound like a nice guy, but i thought portraying myself as such would appeal to those girls seeking something serious, because i want something long term.

I'll consider changing my text to show my macho side if i dont get a few dates in the next week or so.

Thanks for your comments

The true test is whether you get subsequent dates (of course as long as you are congruent with your ad).

 

[flyinshark]

You're right Francisco. I always liked your honest advice.

Ok, so i gave it a bit of thought and i have come up with this improved version of my description:

*********
I work out often, have my own place, and i lead a nicely filled life. I go out often, but i also love spending time inside if i'm in good company.

I'm one of the most open-minded people you'll meet. There isn't much that i will reject, make fun of, or not try at least once in my life.

Also, i appreciate a good sense of humor, not because i lack one, but because i need someone to laugh with...and often

Sooo, if you wanna get to know me better, you know what to do.
*********

I find it better, but your opinions count for me so let me know if this one should do the trick.

 

[The Forms]

When you're writing you don't want to TELL someone what you're like, you need to SHOW them. Don't tell them you're funny, find a way to inject your humor into the profile. Don't tell them you're boyfriend material, show it to them (I.E. don't talk about how you're down for short term stuff).

It also looks bad to put down "other guys." Speaking ill of men in general probably won't score you points. I know if I read a girl's profile and she shows disdain for women at large its a turn off. The same probably works in reverse.

But really, DJDamage hit it on the head when he said its not engaging. You just wrote down a list of qualities (which anyone can do). Why don't you make the profile about illustrating the qualities that you think will attract a girl?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

When you're writing you don't want to TELL someone what you're like, you need to SHOW them. Don't tell them you're funny, find a way to inject your humor into the profile. Don't tell them you're boyfriend material, show it to them (I.E. don't talk about how you're down for short term stuff)...

This is true. The way that you can show them are by specific examples while using humor if possible.

For example:

I work out often, have my own place, and i lead a nicely filled life. I go out often, but i also love spending time inside if i'm in good company.

Could be replaced with:

I've gave up on my diet of Macaroni & Cheese five times a week after I moved out of my parent's place and got my own and BOY has it paid off on my physique. Don't get me wrong, I know a lot of you ladies have gone for the pudgy guys still living in their parent's basement but why not take a chance on a guy who's a bit different? (A guy that actually has his act together)

See the difference? Go ahead and use it if you like, I don't have that in my profile. Better hurry though, I'm sure that others are already cutting and pasting away as you are reading this...