Need an honest answer on why i cannot seem to get past this final barrier.

[The Spider]

Everything in this post is me trying to be as honest as i can be.

I am going to come out and say, i have a lot of things going for me. I am good looking, 21, have my own place, fight MMA and have a successful career for my age. I am consistently complimented by women face to face or through the grapevine i will hear what they think of me. I know women look at me everywhere I go. i have no problem approaching and starting conversations. People like to be around me. These are all things i know for a fact.

I did not write all that to boost my ego, i am stating the facts of my life at the moment and the situation i am in. If you read that, you might think that fits the bill pretty well for someone to have success not only with women but just socially in general. And you would be right, i have nice looking girls after me, a good social life, im pretty well liked.

I used to be very shy and bad with women and got by sometimes on looks when i was younger but still had long periods of no success. so i know how that feels, i had to change a lot to get where i am so i definitly know how it feels to be at the bottom.

But there is still one barrier i cannot get past...and its the biggest one i have ever faced.

I cannot pull the trigger with QUALITY women.

Now im not talking quality as being just as looks. I get with plenty of attractive women.


But i cannot seem to even imagine being able to be with a QUALITY woman.

When i say quality i mean a decent woman with a normal social life, has a career or dream in mind, and has things going for her.

I get with a lot of attractive girls, but a lot of them are eithier lazy, or they arent going places, or they have no social life, or a laundry list of things that are unnatractive despite them looking good.

So why can i not pull the trigger when it comes to meeting and dating quality women? Theyre the only type of woman i cannot seem to get.

It isnt intimidation on a conscious level, i dont feel like anyones too good for me, but for some reason everytime i meet a girl with her **** together and a normal social life that takes good care of herself, i seem to not be able to make it happen. Sure i can talk with them and get them to like me, maybe even become great friends. But i cannot talk to them in a manner which conveys i am interested in being more than friends.

WHAT IS THIS? IT IS MAKING ME SICK. I WOULD GIVE UP THE QUANTITY OF WOMEN I ENJOY NOW FOR 1 OR 2 QUALITY WOMEN.

Am i so used to being with lower quality women that i just automatically go for that? what is this? it is ruining my life and i would appreciate any help i can get.

My basic question is: how can someone who has success with women and has a lot going for them still end up not getting the higher quality women? Remember quality isnt all looks, i get with girls who look great but have nothing going for them.

What do i do?

 

[Huffman]

So are you actually meeting enough of those "quality women"? And you don't click with any of them? Because if you're not meeting them, you should think about some places/activities where you can.

If you're meeting them but can't seem to pull any, then it's probably your subconscious at work. Because these girls are really desirable, you start thinking about how they would be a good choice... how you want to be with them... you know how it goes. At some point you're afraid of making moves because you actually care about the consequences. Of course, if you don't care then the girl is not desirable anymore... what a vicious cycle!

I can somehow relate. I've gotten needy and frustrated with a couple of "quality" girls before. What did help me is to have more options going. It just boosts your confidence through the roof and stops you from becoming needy. But obviously this is only a temporary solution if you're at some point going to start an exclusive relationship.

Can't say more than that, sorry

 

[Sandow]

Well first of all, you're pretty young. Most girls that are 21 haven't taken off in their career and know exactly what they want to be. Most people in their early twenties don't.

Where are you meeting these girls? It sounds like you're meeting at them at bars. I will say this, you will almost never find a quality girl at a bar. Or at least your chances are very low.

I find the best way to meet "quality" girls is through work. Now it doesn't have to be with your specific job but someone that's in the same building or nearby office. I work downtown so they're are plenty of career oriented girls walking around.

My main advice is not to worry about it since you're pretty young. I say just enjoy your twenties and have fun. You don't want to meet a girl who takes herself too serious at 21 anyhow.