Need Advice!

[Scuba Steve]

Hey guys. A little advice please. About me real quick. I am 46, separated (because I ****ed up_multiple times), still in love with my wife. We were married 21 years this coming April, Serarated off and on for the last 3.5. I am newly red pilled (four weeks) and I'm in the process of reading all of the blogs on the "The Rational Male" site, as well as the recommended readings. I am a retired police sergeant and now work for a nationwide logistics company as a same-day-city courier (Not exactly a job women get wet over). I did let myself go physically, however I am in the process of rectifying that and making good process.

? It seems my wife has moved on, which is very hard for me. She is 41, but looks like shes's 30 and is probably a HB7-8. She seems to be loving her new found freedom as she is out pretty much every weekend. She knows I want to rectify the marriage and seems to be stringing me along. Says "she's not sure what she wants" "if she wants to work things out" if she still loves me". etc., BUT every time I tell her fine, I'm done, I'll let you go, she comes to me to talk and what-not.

I think I'm too close to the forest to see the trees, as far as what I should here. I don't want to lose her, but I'm starting to feel like a chump...

Any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated... Thanks..

 

[Spaz]

Work on yourself 1st before even thinking about women. Start off with your frame and then looking at your current job. Both need changing/improvements.

As your success grows so will your confidence.

Women will be attracted to that.

I'm 46 myself and in a 4 year LTR with a women who is 19 years younger. Your former wife is now an Ex and she is happy with the status quo. Time for you to move to something better.

 

[Serenity]

So you're in limbo basically. She can't really decide what she wants and apparently you can't either. At least one of you will have to make a final decision and not look back, else it will just stay the way it is now. I know I would just put an end to it instead of slowly suffering, like ripping a bandaid off slowly.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

BUT every time I tell her fine, I'm done, I'll let you go, she comes to me

You've basically described the solution here yourself.

The deal is, when she thinks you're moving on, yourself, you are taking back control of your life and needs, and she thinks she's actually losing you, she back tracks. Generally, people don't really desire what is easily attainable; they desire what they think they can't have.

The way to rectify your marriage, truly is to become more desirable and deserving of female attention, and less needy of your wife's desire. You will never prove yourself with romantic declarations, only actions and demonstrating genuine personal value.

The only tragedy is, if you really to move on, when she does come back, which she more than likely will if you do, then you may very well not want that anymore.

First priority is to decide what you actually want: to actually move on, or to win your wife back. They are similar, but quite different games in certain respects.

 

[Scuba Steve]

Thank you for the advice guys.

 

[spinich]

Rule #1, never appear desperate and maintain your dignity as in the end it is all that a man has which only he can give away. Good luck.

 

[greatsnake]

why not take matters into your own hands and move on with your life. Can't leave life decisions to someone who has one foot in and one foot out.

You are #1 in everything.