SmoothTalker
Master Don Juan
This has gotten rather long so if anybody wants to just get the short version: I am interested in short term dating/sex with a girl who is interested in me (at least enough to enthutiastically agree to a date). However this is complicated by the fact that my window is less than three weeks before she leaves the country for several months, and she is technically my ex's good friend. How can I make this happen, and ideally with a minimum of drama, between me and the girl, and us and the ex?
Alright, so this situation is tricky for multiple reasons, allow me to explain:
1)I met this girl through my ex about a year ago (at the time I was dating said ex) and this girl is/was fairly good friends with that ex.
However, that ex and I had a very rough breakup about 4 months ago and currently do not talk at all. She has also moved on to a new bf who is apparently amazing ( for anyone who buys her bs which I don't, but whatever), and she was the one who did the dumping, so in my view she has no right to say anything about who I get with.
2) This girl is the idealistic activist type and travels a lot to pursue those goals, which is partly the reason I like her, she actually has passions and is doing something about them. However a downside of this is that she has been out of the country for the past 3 months, and is leaving again in mid January for several more months. Essentially my window of opportunity is about 3 weeks.
Now the positive points - I am pretty sure she is interested as we have flirted a bit on the rare occasions I have seen her, and made out once at a party though we were both very drunk. I think the fact that I've only seen her a few times has kept me out of the friendzone, and she did agree to a date Sunday. When I asked her she did ask if I was sure I wanted to do this given that she's leaving soon which may have been her looking for an easy out, but when responded that I was well aware of that and thus wasn't looking to make this serious she seemed happy with that.
What I want to know is the best way to progress things quickly (given our limited time) without coming across as needy/too available by spending a LOT of time with her over the next little bit. Since we agreed to not get too emotionally invested since she is leaving, I would ideally like to just see her a few times having fun, and get some action. If things go well now and I happen to be single when she gets back, we can consider things from there, but I won't be waiting in the meanwhile.
The other issue is the ex. I'd love to say I don't give a **** if she finds out, but I can't for two reasons. As we dated a long time she is now friends with a lot of my original friends, and while I don't think they would take her side over mine, I don't need her poisoning my social circle. Second, I don't want to be responsible for screwing up this girl's relationship with one of her best friends. Is secrecy really our best bet here? If so I actually do think we could pull it off for the next few weeks, however if anything serious develops when she gets back, hiding that would obviously be impossible.
Thoughts/stories/wisdom will be greatly appreciated. However please spare me the 'don't waste your time on her/spin plates' advice as that would be useless. I already am seeing multiple other girls and don't intend to be hung up on this one after she leaves. However, I don't see that as any reason to not pursue somebody you want especially if you get positive vibes in return.
Alright, so this situation is tricky for multiple reasons, allow me to explain:
1)I met this girl through my ex about a year ago (at the time I was dating said ex) and this girl is/was fairly good friends with that ex.
However, that ex and I had a very rough breakup about 4 months ago and currently do not talk at all. She has also moved on to a new bf who is apparently amazing ( for anyone who buys her bs which I don't, but whatever), and she was the one who did the dumping, so in my view she has no right to say anything about who I get with.
2) This girl is the idealistic activist type and travels a lot to pursue those goals, which is partly the reason I like her, she actually has passions and is doing something about them. However a downside of this is that she has been out of the country for the past 3 months, and is leaving again in mid January for several more months. Essentially my window of opportunity is about 3 weeks.
Now the positive points - I am pretty sure she is interested as we have flirted a bit on the rare occasions I have seen her, and made out once at a party though we were both very drunk. I think the fact that I've only seen her a few times has kept me out of the friendzone, and she did agree to a date Sunday. When I asked her she did ask if I was sure I wanted to do this given that she's leaving soon which may have been her looking for an easy out, but when responded that I was well aware of that and thus wasn't looking to make this serious she seemed happy with that.
What I want to know is the best way to progress things quickly (given our limited time) without coming across as needy/too available by spending a LOT of time with her over the next little bit. Since we agreed to not get too emotionally invested since she is leaving, I would ideally like to just see her a few times having fun, and get some action. If things go well now and I happen to be single when she gets back, we can consider things from there, but I won't be waiting in the meanwhile.
The other issue is the ex. I'd love to say I don't give a **** if she finds out, but I can't for two reasons. As we dated a long time she is now friends with a lot of my original friends, and while I don't think they would take her side over mine, I don't need her poisoning my social circle. Second, I don't want to be responsible for screwing up this girl's relationship with one of her best friends. Is secrecy really our best bet here? If so I actually do think we could pull it off for the next few weeks, however if anything serious develops when she gets back, hiding that would obviously be impossible.
Thoughts/stories/wisdom will be greatly appreciated. However please spare me the 'don't waste your time on her/spin plates' advice as that would be useless. I already am seeing multiple other girls and don't intend to be hung up on this one after she leaves. However, I don't see that as any reason to not pursue somebody you want especially if you get positive vibes in return.